


The Chaser

by introvertedriri



Series: adventure calling emotions [2]
Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band), The Unit: Idol Rebooting Project (TV), U.N.B (Band)
Genre: Accidents, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Childhood Friends, Cuddling & Snuggling, Doctor!Gwangsuk, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Junchan, M/M, Memory Loss, Mental Breakdown, Nurse!Junyoung, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Paralysis, Patient!Junhee, Patient!Yuchan, Physical Therapy, Slice of Life, Story, Tags May Change, Therapist!BangChan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 13:56:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 76,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13836189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/introvertedriri/pseuds/introvertedriri
Summary: It seems like all of the brightness and happiness left Kang Yuchan after being involved in an accident that may ruin his dreams, or worse, his whole life.But a noisy patient with pinky violet hair started invading his life and probably, may help him bring the light behind his eyes back. But then again, who is this person and why is he familiar at all?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey, i'm back. i've been wanting to write this junchan fic and now that i've finished tdcl, i can write this! along w that yuchan-centered fic!~ ♥
> 
>  
> 
> umm.. idk if you're gonna like this but i hope that there will be ppl that would like this work of mine. and i hope to see some comments about it since i'm a bit nervous about writing this, i'll be needing some criticism and opinions about the story.

Yuchan was used to go in hospitals because of his knee, he had a bad knee and he have to attend his monthly check-ups to make sure that it isn’t getting worse since he was thirteen. He had been attending the check-ups until he was nineteen, also as an Fine Arts major student on a well-known college. Yuchan has been known on his amazing art skills and on his bright personality yet he didn’t expected something like this to happen at all.

When Yuchan opened his eyes, the first thing that he saw was the white ceiling and when he looked around, he saw an unfamiliar person wearing a long, white coat and he can see his parents beside him. He saw how worried they were and when he looked at his hands, his eyes widened as he saw something horrible. He felt as if his whole world shattered into pieces.

 

“Kang Yuchan, you had been in an accident three months ago. You had been in coma for three months,” the unfamiliar man said in a stern voice, “We will still observe you and your health so you’ll be staying here for a month or two.”

 

He looked at his hands and tried to move it but he barely even made one of his finger twitch, he widened his eyes and looked at his parents which were averting their gaze on the boy. The doctor seems to be unsettled by the boy’s discomfort as he took a deep breath.

 

“Your hands has been damaged on the accident, Yuchan-sshi. It’s still unknown if you can still move it just like the usual or you won’t be able to,” the doctor said as he looked at the pile of papers that he was holding, “The accident caused some implications on your head so there might be some stuff that you’ll forgot but that’s where your family and friends will enlighten you about. We will be having our daily examinations so you can wander around the hallways once you’re able to stand and walk properly. If it was an another person that have gotten into this situation, they could’ve been immobilized for the rest of their life. But your mental strength seems to be great since you managed to make your finger move a bit, that’s an improvement.”

 

Yuchan wanted to scream and to trash around but his throat felt like it’s burning and he’s a bit dizzy. He wanted to cry and to trash around, he can’t accept this at all. He should be at school and making his project, he should be painting right now, he should be doing his schoolworks by now. Not like this.

 

He’s a strong person, not like this immobilized piece of shit. He’s a great painter that could draw swiftly yet beautiful, not like this person that can barely move his finger. He can’t accept this at all. He doesn’t want this. This can’t be happening.

 

 

 

He started to choke into something and his sight was getting blurry but he can see how his parents and doctor looked surprised, he heard a deafening ‘beep’ from something and the doctor immediately pushed the emergency button. He saw how his parents panicked and looked at the doctor.

 

 

“The patient is having a panic attack, he needs to calm down or else, we have to put him to sleep for a while. It’s bad for his—” He heard the doctor said but the next thing was a bit confusing and he felt a bit suffocated.

 

 

He saw how his parents were kicked out by a bunch of people in white which surrounded him and he can’t help but feel intense pain and cried but there wasn’t any voice that was released, his silent screams and pleas were unheard by these people. And he saw them injected something to him, he started to get more panicked and tried to look everywhere as he seeks help.

 

But everything seems to be getting more blurry, he started to feel drowsy but as he looked at the door, quite a bit ajar, he saw someone with a bizzare hair color, looking at him in a calm expression as he smiles.

 

Yuchan doesn’t know why but he felt a bit comforted by the person’s presence and smile as he closed his eyes, as if being cradled by Hypnos himself and everything has stopped.

 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

“Hey, Kang Yuchan.”

“Yes, my muse?”

“Stop being cheesy, okay?! I’m going to say something serious!”

“I’m sorry. Keep going, then.”

“I'm challenging you in this great game that I’ve seen in a book.”

“What is it?”

“When you come back next month, you’ll be the chaser and you’ll chase me. Is that clear?”

“Why should I? And what’s with the chasing stuff?”

“Becauss you have to. Listen to me, okay? I’ll be running so better chase me real fast!”

“I don’t get it but okay then.”

“Alright. The game starts now. Rest well, Chan.”


	2. d-29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! O/  
> i just want to say that i cross posted this in wattpad @diabolicdeceiver 's my username! 
> 
>  
> 
> also.. i'm really hoping to see some opinions about this chap so feel free to comment about it. actually, the only thing that i'm excited as i write this is all of your comments, i want to see what is your opinion about this story. it serves as a motivation for me to keep going! thank you for reading and i really appreciate your comments! thank you!!

       Yuchan groaned as he opened his eyes and the first thing that he noticed was the white ceiling, he recalled what happened and realized that everything is real. He wanted to cry but he's too tired to let the supressed emotions out. He can only stare at the ceilings since he can’t even sit or move his body that much, heck, he can’t even move his hands. 

 

       He kept on remembering what happened but all of it seems to be blurry, all he can remember is that he was on the way to the hospital and he was really running as if he needed to get here as soon as possible. But it made him wonder why? He knew that it must’ve been an important reason yet he couldn’t recall what it is.

 

       He heard the door opened and he saw a nurse, holding out a tray with a cup of water. And some syringes were in it along with a notepad.

 

       “Good morning, Yuchan-sshi. You couldn’t talk for now since you haven’t drank any water, you’ll only hurt your throat if you do that. So take some sips, take it slowly.” The nurse gently held the cup and the straw was in front of Yuchan’s lips in which he’s slowly sipping the liquid that quenched his thirst, “There, I think that your throat would be a bit fine. If you’d like to talk, go ahead. But please don’t force yourself.”

       “I...” He tried to talk but his voice seems to be a bit raspy and his voice was so tiny as if he couldn’t talk louder just like before, making it like a whisper, “What happened.. to me?”

       “I’m afraid that I couldn't answer that question, Yuchan-sshi. I’ve been told by the doctor and your parents themselves that I should not talk about it. Patience is a virtue, Yuchan-sshi. They’ll tell you about it eventually,” the nurse stated as he smiled, showing his pearl white teeth.

       “I see.” Yuchan muttered before looking at the nurse’s nameplate. Lee Junyoung. “Thank you, Jun-sshi.”

       The nurse seems to stiffened as he looked at the younger with a horrified expression, “Did you just said Junhee?”

       “Jun.. what?” Yuchan wanted to tilt his head but he could only blink and look at him in confusion “I said Jun-sshi.”

       “Oh. Pardon me, I must've been hearing things.” The nurse, Junyoung said as he chuckle bug Yuchan can notice how fake it was “I should start your daily examination. Don’t worry, just a few check-ups and also your daily medication and we’re done.”

       “Okay.”

 

 

       Yuchan did what Junyoung has told him and he injected the medication on the younger boy, making him feel a bit weird because of the drug. He feels a bit drowsy and a bit clear-headed yet he wasn’t about to sleep or pass out. All the pain he was feeling has been ignored and it seems like he was numb at all.

        “Yosh, we're done!” Junyoung cheerfully said and gave Yuchan a reassuring smile, “Would you like to ask something, Yuchan-sshi?”

       “I.. when will I get better?” he asked. He wasn’t really hoping for the better after what the doctor said but he felt like asking it. As if he’s looking for a string of hope to cling into.

       “About that, please don’t worry about it too much. The doctor, Gwangsuk-sshi probably told you what is your current condition but it can change. On the fifth or sixth day, if you’re feeling a bit well, we might start your therapy. We’ll help you move your body slowly, we’ll take everything really slow since you’ve been immobilized. Not just because of the accident, but also because you haven’t been moving for months. You had been in a two-month coma and your body needed to adjust itself to be in a fine shape once again,” Junyoung said, still with that reassuring smile on his lips, “Time, my friend, will help you heal. Not just the physical pain, but also the emotional one. So we needed to take it step by step until we can take a long leap.”

      “I understand.” Yuchan muttered. But he didn’t.

       “I should be going by now, Yuchan-sshi. It’s nice to know that you’re able to talk normally yet softly for now, nurses would check up on you in every two hours. Hope that it won’t make you uncomfortable,” Junyoung said before turning his back on the younger and went out of his room.

 

       Yuchan was once again alone in this room filled with the deafening silence that he wants to run away from. He wants to convey his thoughts right now but he suddenly remember that he can’t even draw for now, he can’t express his thoughts and he wanted to scream really loud. He was so sad and frustrated, he didn’t want this. He was also confused, why does it have to happen to him? He has been that good kid that everyone admires so why is he in this state? And why does he feel so incomplete at all?

 

       He was so drowned in his thoughts and he felt like there wasn’t any hope left for someone like him, he will be that worthless person that people wouldn’t even spare a glance at. He didn’t saw the door opened and saw someone entered his room until he can see a pinky violet hair and looked at the person beside his bed, grinning really wide as his eyes crinkled. Yuchan somehow resembles the person as a feline with those cat-like teeth and eyes and he wants to pat him but he mocked himself mentally, he couldn’t even move his hand yet he wanted to pat someone? What a joke.

       “Hello.” The pinky violet-haired boy greeted him and waved his hand a bit.

       “Hello. Who are.. you?” Yuchan asked. He noticed that the boy was also wearing a hospital gown with a pair of pants in it yet he can see the bandages on his arms and on the corner of his legs.

        The boy pouted, showing his disappointed expression “You don’t remember me, I see.”

       “What?” Yuchan asked once again “I don’t know you at all. The doctor said that I might have a bit of an amnesia so if we know each other and I couldn’t remember you, I’m really sorry.”

       “No, I was just kidding. Sorry for making you apologize, I just wanted to confirm if you’re paying attention.” The boy said and sat at the chair beside his bed, “Also, don’t apologize if you don’t mean it. I can see in your eyes how dull it is and lifeless.”

        “Oh.” Yuchan sighed as he looked at the ceiling once again, “It can't be helped, I’m really going to be a worthless person so why not think like this?”

        “And why do you think that you’re worthless?” The boy asks, tilting his head and Yuchan really wants to pat the boy.

      “Because I'm immobilized. There are chances that I might not be able to move anymore,” Yuchan stated in a hushed, raspy voice.

      “You just said, chances. So there are also chances that you’ll be able to be okay again, just take it slowly. How long have you been in this hospital anyway?” The boy asked again as he hugged his knees while looking at the younger boy in amusement.

       “Two months. Been in coma for two months.” Yuchan said and sighed again, “Got into an accident and I can’t move my body.”

       “When did you woke up?”

       “Yesterday.”

       “And you’re already losing hope?!” The boy shrieks and Yuchan felt the urge to cover his ears. The boy noticed tha discomfort in Yuchan's face and covers his mouth “Oh, sorry for that. I was just surprised, how can you give up that easily?”

       “Shouldn’t I give up? It’s hopeless.” Yuchan said. He’s right, it’s over for him.

       “No, you shouldn’t. There’s still hope!” The boy exclaims.

       “I envy you, you seems to be filled with hope.” Yuchan said, looking at the boy in awe. He looks so bright and magnificent or is it just Yuchan admires him and his looks?

       “Believe me, I was the same as you before. I was so hopeless and everything was getting shattered into bits but suddenly, someone patted me and told me positive things. That someone has changed my perspective in life and made me hope, no.. let me rephrase that, that person is my hope.” The boy stated and smiles, looking at his hands “He doesn’t visit that often but I'm really excited to see him again.”

       “I see.” Yuchan can see how his eyes sparkle as if it’s filled with joy and life, he didn’t felt jealous at all. He felt so comforted by those calm eyes.

        The boy stood and looked at him in an apologetic way, “I must’ve ruined your rest, sorry for barging in. I was really curious about the new patient and most of the patients here were middle-aged or old ones. You look like you’re a few years younger than me.”

       “It’s alright. You can come anytime, I don't mind it at all.” Yuchan assured him. He was feeling a bit lonely and this boy can keep him company.

“Are you sure?” The boy’s eyes seems to sparkle more than it is and Yuchan felt the urge to grabe a pen and a paper to draw the beautiful sigh that he’s seeing right now “Then I’ll come to check you everyday!”

“Okay. Do whatever you want.” Yuchan stated.

The boy smiled again and waved his hand a bit, “See you tomorrow!”

 

 

 

As the boy went out of his room, he can't help but feel a bit of weird. He really felt hopeless and sad but as he saw that boy, he seems to be a bit happy. Probably because his presence is really comforting and Yuchan wouldn’t lie, that boy was so beautiful. Every square inch of his body was like sculptured by the gods themselves, making him a complete masterpiece. 

But he is quite a noisy person he wonders if they'll get along. He wonders if the boy and him would be great friends. And he kept on wondering but he couldn’t deny the fact that he’s anticipating the weird boy’s return tomorrow.


	3. d-28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the boy makes Yuchan feel a bit weird and he's wondering why.

       It was the second day and Yuchan wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible, he was really uncomfortable with the nurses and all of the check-ups that he had yesterday. He hates it, he hates the way the nurses look at him as if he’s a hopeless person. He hates the way they pursed their lips when Yuchan asks them about his condition, sometimes, they would ignore him. Yuchan hates it.

       He heard the door opened and looked at it, he saw the boy with pinky violet hair peeking at him. The boy smiled when he noticed that Yuchan was looking at his direction and went inside, closing the door before walking in the chair beside Yuchan’s hospital bed. 

 

       “Hello there,” Yuchan greeted him.

       “Hi,” the boy cheerfully greeted him back “How was your first day here?”

       “I hate it,” Yuchan responded quickly and grimaced a bit.

      The boy seems to be confused and blinked before asking him, “Why?”

      “The nurses. I hate the way they look at me and ignore my questions,” Yuchan said, having the urge to clench his fists but he couldn’t even move his fingers.

       “Oh.” The boy sighs before ruffling his own hair and puffed his cheeks, “I can relate to that. But they’re really nice, you should talk to them about something else. I bet that you’re asking them about your condition, am I right?”

       Yuchan nods, he can only move his head and it’s a good thing “Yes.”

       “Of course, they wouldn’t talk about that. You’ll know what happen to you soon, be patient. Patience is a virtue, that was said by one of the nurses here. That nurse was really a good friend of mine!” The boy said and grinned before looking at Yuchan with those sparkling eyes “Hey, I think that you’ll be good friends with him if you’ll be able to meet him.”

       “They’re just faking it,” Yuchan muttered, “They’re going to fake it, everything’s fake at all. It’s just their job to assure us with those fake smiles and lies.”

      The boy pouted and furrowed his brows, “You’re really taking everything in a negative way, eh?”

       “Well, what’s in here to hope for? I mean, look at me. I can’t even move my fingers or sit, I'm just in this bed.” Yuchan stated in a cold tone. His own words hurting him but what's the point of trying to hope for something?

       “Negative thoughts, bounce off!”

 

      Yuchan was surprised when the boy flickered his forehead and he winced, that hurts. The boy was looking at him as if he was disappointed and Yuchan felt bad, as if there’s a hole in his stomach. Is he going to be disappointed at him? Is he going to give up on trying to encourage  him? Is the boy going to leave him for the better? Yuchan kept on thinking but he was surprised when the boy suddenly leaned in front of him and kissed his forehead, exactly at the spot when he flickered him.

      “W-What?” Yuchan was surprised and also a bit flustered. Like who in the world would kiss someone in the forehead even though he doesn't know him?!

 

      The boy just grinned but Yuchan noticed the pink tint on his cheeks and he was certain that he’s probably blushing too “Well, whenever I’m thinking about a bunch of negative thoughts, the friend that I mentioned to you yesterday does that. He flickers my forehead but immediately kiss it, he said that the pain will make me distracted and he'll make me forget about it by kissing the pain away along with the thoughts.”

       “That’s weird,” Yuchan said and raised an eyebrow.

       The boy smiles at him again yet the blush was still seen from his cheeks, “But I distracted you and took the pain and thoughts away, right?”

 

       Pounding. Yuchan is certain that his heart is pounding like crazy right now now, just seeing the boy with sparkling eyes, a mezmerizing smile and the cheeks that is covered with the pinkish blush makes his heart pound like this. What a weird feeling. Is this one of the side-effect of the accident to him?

       “You’re weird,” Yuchan said as he averted his gaze on the boy.

       The boy chuckled, “I know.”

       “But kissing an another boy is weird, don’t you know that?” Yuchan asked.

       But the pinky violet-haired one just blinked and tilted his head, looking at Yuchan in confusion “Weird? How is that weird?”

      “A boy is supposed to kiss a girl, not an another boy.” Yuchan stated as he look at the boy that seems to be a bit shocked.

      “I-Is that true? I never knew, I’m sorry. I probably made you a bit mad, did I?” The boy said as he look at Yuchan as if he was really sorry “I really don’t know about that, is that a rule on the outside world? I haven’t heard of thaf.”

      “Outside world?” Yuchan is confused. Why is this boy talking as if he hasn’t been outside this hospital.

      “I’ve been here since I was four!” The boy said as he smiles, “My family visits me often but most of the time, they’re at their home. I've never been there.”

      “You’ve been here since you were four years old? How old are you?” Yuchan asked.

      The boy started to count using his fingers and looks at it before looking at Yuchan, “Twenty-four. I guess.”

      “Twenty-four..” Yuchan was surprised. The boy in front of him has been spending his life inside this dull building. “Are you sick or something?”

      “Yes, that’s what my doctor said to me. That I’m sick and my immune system is really weak so I have to stay here,” The boy answered “I’ve heard that only a few parts of my body hasn’t been affected by the disease itself.”

       “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be resting on your room? You’re sick,” Yuchan said.

       The boy shook his head before giving him a reassuring smile, “You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.”

 

      And Yuchan wondered, wondered why this boy is smiling as if he’s alright. From what he heard, it seems like the boy has been too sick because he has been in this place for a very long time. Yet why does he look like he’s fine? Aside from his small figure and how thin he is, it isn’t obvious that he is having a hard time with that disease of him.

 

      “How in the world are you fine at all? You’re having a disease that could probably take your life away,” Yuchan said and he wanted to hit the boy for saying that, “And heck, you’re older than me by three years.”

      “Then I’m supposed to be your hyung!” The boy chirps.

      Yuchan wanted to facepalm but the fact that he’s currently immobilized just made him groan, “Hey, you should head back to your room.”

      “Don’t want to.”

      “Why?”

      “Because it’s lonely over there,” The boy replied, smiling a bit and Yuchan noticed that it’s a sad smile.

      “Oh. But going here could worsen your condition,” he tries to reason out. Emphasis on the word, ‘tries’

      “But I don’t want to. And I’m alright, the doctors allowed me to wander around this floor all the time. As long as I’m back to my room every examination, I’m okay.” The boy replies as he pouted, “Don’t you want to have someone to accompany you? You’re alone too.”

      “It’s not like that,” Yuchan said “It’s just that I’m worried about your condition.”

     “I'm thankful because you’re concerned about my sickness but I’m a tough cookie!” The pinky violet-haired boy raised his fists as he nodded.

      “You’re too bright. I can’t help but see my past self in you,” Yuchan stated. He remembers how cheerful he was and how he smile so brightly and it made him a bit hurt. He’s probably not going to be that person.

     “Past self? You can still go back to the usual, that is, if you want to.” The boy said and looked around before scoffing, “Seriously, the whole place’s too boring. Everything’s white and dull.”

“It’s just like how I see my life right now,” Yuchan stated.

The boy was about to reply when he suddenly gasped while looking at the wall clock. It’s already 9:30 P.M “I-I’m sorry but I have to go now.”

“Going to have an another check-up?” Yuchan asks but the boy just smiled.

“See you tomorrow, it was really nice having a short conversation with you.” The boy said before dashing out of his hospital room.

 

Yuchan was really wondering what’s with the boy that he makes him feel a bit elated whenever he can see him. And just like yesterday, he’s anticipating for the boy’s return tomorrow. He makes him feel in ease and smile despite feeling empty and down, he wants to hope to be okay again but he’s scared. But why?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really dislike how this chapter was made, i dunno if you'll like it or not but i'm really looking forward for your opinions about this chap. also.. i might skip some days soon since writng a thirty chap for this is kinda.. challenging and i ain't that tough for that hehe


	4. d-24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuchan's condition is getting better yet he's still doubting if he'll get better. Good thing that the boy with pinky-violet hair kept on showing up to cheer him up.
> 
>  
> 
> Gwangsuk and Junyoung seems to act weird though.

      It was the sixth day of Yuchan not being unconcious in this hospital, he’s still not comfortable on this place but as a certain boy with the bizzare hair color pops out of his mind, he feels a bit in ease. The boy has been making his days good, that boy is making him feel a bit okay. As if he’s a happy pill that makes Yuchan forget about his doubts whenever he’s around.

 

     Today, Junyoung seems to be a bit surprised as he checked Yuchan’s condition before running out of the room which made Yuchan wonder a bit. He came back with the doctor beside him which was having a confused expression and he’s the one that checked Yuchan’s condition but just like the younger boy, he was a bit surprised.

 

      “You seem to be getting a bit better. If this continue, we will start your therapy by tomorrow. Can you try to move your hands again?” The doctor, Gwangsuk, asked him.

      He wanted to retort and say that there’s no hope left for him, it’ll be impossible for him and what they’re saying is just a lie. It’s their job to encourage and give false hope to their patients. But instead of saying it out loud, he sighed and tried his best to make his hand move. He shut his eyes as he tried to move his hands.

      “Yuchan-sshi, open your eyes.” He heard the doctor said to him.

     He opened his eyes and he can see that he can move his hand and that he can raise it along with his shoulders but it hurts, moving it hurts so he immediately put them down “Oh.”

     “You can move your shoulders!” Junyoung beams behind Gwangsuk.

     He tried to move his fingers, trying to see if he can still move it just like the usual but aside from it twitching a bit, he couldn’t even clench his own fists “I can’t clench it..”

    “It’s alright, we’ll do our best to put you back into perfect shape. It’ll take time, Yuchan-sshi.” Gwangsuk said as he was writing something, “I’ll talk to your parents later.”

     “Hey, doctor.” Gwangsuk looked at Yuchan as the boy look at him with dull eyes, making the older flinch a bit “Will I be able to move my fingers normally? Will I be able to paint again? Will I be able to move it just like before?”

     Gwangsuk looked at him with a bit of pity before he stood straight “I would be honest with you, Yuchan-sshi. It might be difficult to heal someone like you back to perfect shape, especially your fingers.”

      “I see.” Yuchan muttered as he looked at the window. 

      “We should be going now,” Gwangsuk stated and nudged at Junyoung.

      “Gwangsuk-sshi’s right. There will be a nurse that will check up on you every two hours,” Junyoung said as he smiled at Yuchan, “Don’t give up yet.”

     Yuchan wanted to lash out on them for making him have those false hope, he’s already aware and they’re just looking like a bunch of fools. All of them started to look like fools for him, making him believe that everything will be alright even though it wouldn’t. He started to ignore their words and to block it, making his heart turn into stone. 

     But in all of the sudden, an image of the patient with pinky violet hair popped out of his mind and he flinched. He can feel his heart beating faster than the usual and maybe it’s just a bit, but he feels a bit comforted by the thought. Blocking the negative thoughts for a while as he think of that radiant smile and that one-of-a-kind beauty. A beauty that Yuchan would want to have a replica on a canvas or even just a paper, he wants to draw the boy. And he realized something.

     He doesn’t even know his name.

      Yuchan looked at the doctor and the nurse that was waiting for his reply, “Hey, do you know the patient with pinky violet hair?”

      “W-What?” Junyoung’s face started to pale a bit.

      “He’s barging in again and again and chatting nonstop, do you know him?” Yuchan asked.

      “Doc, is that—” Junyoung’s words were cut off.

     Gwangsuk nodded, “It’s that pesky brat.”

     “So, do you know him? His name?” Yuchan asks, waiting for a response on the both of them.

      Gwangsuk shrugs, “You said that he kept on barging again and again, right?”

     “He comes to visit me again and again, once a day.” Yuchan replies.

     Yuchan found it a bit weird when Gwangsuk smiled at him, probably because it was the first time that the doctor smiled at him “Then it is better if that boy would be the one to introduce himself, right?”

     Yuchan wondered why but he just nodded and the two went out of his room. He can’t wait to see that boy once again. And in a few hours, the door opened as the boy with pinky violet hair took a peek the the door that was ajar before smiling at Yuchan. Yuchan felt like his heart jumped a bit by seeing the boy.

      “Hello.” Yuchan greeted his first this time.

      “Hello..” The boy smiled before crossing his arms “So, how are you?”

       “The doctor said that I’m doing well and if this continues, my therapy might start tomorrow.” Yuchan said before sighing, “But it’s hopeless. I’m already a lost cause.”

      “Hey, don’t say that!” Yuchan was surprised when Junhee held his hand he felt how thin the boy’s fingers were and how it wasn’t that warm, flinching a bit “I know that you might be feeling a bit hopeless but you’re not a lost cause at all.”

      “Why are you like this?” Yuchan can’t help but ask the pinky violet-haired boy.

      Junhee blinked a few times, wondering what was the younger implying “Why?”

      “Why do you kept on cheering me up?” Yuchan asks as he ruffled his own hair, grimacing as he felt how it wasn’t as silky as before “We don’t even know each other.”

      “Why? Because I want to. And not knowing each other doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t take care of each other,” the boy replied.

      “You’re really weird,” Yuchan stated, smiling a bit.

 

     The boy was amusing. He is really a cheerful one, Yuchan wonders if they met each other before.. would they be friends? If Yuchan wasn’t feeling hopeless and a bit down? He could’ve been talking to this boy just like the usual, not like this gloomy idiot in front of him.

 

     “I made you smile. Now my next goal is to make you laugh,” The boy said as he leaned in front of Yuchan and ruffled his hair “Listen, don’t give up yet.”

     Yuchan, being a bit awkward on the sudden closeness, avoided his gaze “T-This is awkward.”

“You’re still young, you should take it easy.” The pinky violet boy reminded him and patted his head.

“I’m not used to this,” Yuchan admitted. Yuchan was used to having deadlines and rushing a lot of stuff, he has great time managemet and lying here a he wait for the right time makes him uneasy.

“Of course, it’s just your sixth day in here. But don’t worry, I’ll visit you all the time and remind you on not giving up,” The boy said as he fist pumped in the air.

“Weird.” 

 

 

Yuchan finds him too weird and too cheerful but he wouldn’t admit that despite being weird, he’s comfortable to be with. As if he’s sucking all of Yuchan’s misery, making the boy feel a bit okay whenever he’s around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's still no progress for this one but in the next chapter, there will be one! thank you for reading!


	5. d-23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuchan’s first day on his therapy and a bit of his memory has been retrieved.

    It was the seventh day and Yuchan managed to pass the doctor’s examination. His vital signs seems to be fine and Yuchan’s not that emotional so there’s a low chance of him having a panic attack, Gwangsuk noticed how hopeless the younger one looked and sighed. He’s sure that he’ll have a hard time with this patient and braced himself on what’s about to happen.

     Gwangsuk reminded him yesterday that they’ll start his therapy the next day and now, he’s back at his patient’s room. Yuchan, which was lying at his bed, looked so lifeless that it reminded him of a certain brat. He chuckled a bit before walking until he reached the bed.

      “Yuchan-ssi, it’s time for your therapy.” Gwangsuk announced as a bunch of nurses had arrived “For the meantime, you would be using a wheelchair until you can stand and walk on your own. It will take a bit longer but do your best.”

      “Okay,” Yuchan muttered.

 

      They carried Yuchan and placed him gently in the wheelchair and Yuchan grimaced, he doesn’t want to be treated like this. He sighed as they went to the room where he’ll he having his therapy, he doesn’t even care as he kept his gaze on the floor.

      “We wouldn’t start on trying to help you stand or sit-up, we’ll start on massaging your joints to relax them.” Gwangsuk stated as he looked at the therapist that was beside him, “This is Bang Byun—”

      “Byungchan ain’t my name  Never was, never will.” The therapist said in English that Yuchan was able to understand, he noticed how his accent was kinda weird.

      “Geez, calm down. Okay. Yuchan-sshi, this is Bang Chan and he’s going to be your therapist.” Gwangsuk said as he gestured on Chan.

     “Hey there, mate!” The boy greeted him in English while waving his left hand “I’m your therapist, Chan. It’s a coincidence that we both have Chan on our names, isn’t it?”

      Yuchan sighed, “It wasn’t like Chan isn’t a common name here in Korea.”

       “Oh.” Yuchan noticed how Chan said it in a flat tone, as if he’s offended or probably hurt on how uninterested Yuchan is. 

     “Yuchan isn’t much of a talker so don’t talk too much, Chan.” Gwangsuk reminded him, “Don’t make him feel uncomfortable, got it?”

     “Alright!” Chan beams before looking at Yuchan in a cheery way, “Let’s get it started, shall we?”

     Chan helped him on standing up from the wheelchair until Yuchan has been lying on the bed. 

     “Listen here, kid. We’re going to massage your back and waist first so we can start up on helping you sit-up,” Chan said as he flashed a grin on Yuchan which wasn’t even showing an expression “So I’m gonna flip you carefully, tell me if it hurts or something.”

      Yuchan nods and just like what Chan said, he carefully flipped the younger boy that was now facing his pillow. Chan nodded in amusement as he saw that Yuchan didn’t even winced or grimaced in pain.

     “Your injuries seems to be okay now, I’m going to start on massaging your back so tell me if it hurts. Don’t endure the pain ‘cause it might cause the injury to be worse than it is, okay?” Chan reminded him and Yuchan nodded, “What an obedient kid.”

     “I am not a kid,” Yuchan said in a bored tone as he looked at Chan, “Don’t call me that.”

     Chan smirked, “Everyone that is younger than me will be called a kid.”

     “Whatever,” Yuchan said in defeat.

      Chan started on massaging the younger, not missing a single muscle and joint starting from his waist up to his shoulders and went back to his waist again. Yuchan was uncomfortable at first but got used to it because Chan kept on doing it again and again, making sure that he wasn’t pressing his hands on the younger one too hard. 

     “There we go, all done. Now, let me sit you up then I’ll lie you down on the bed again. Let’s do that until your back and waist relax,” Chan said as he checked Yuchan’s reaction, sighing when he noticed that the boy isn’t even paying attention to him.

     

      Chan has started on sitting him up before leaning him to the bed and repeated it again and again, noticing how Yuchan kept on being expressionless and how his eyes were dull. It seems like just looking at the boy makes you feel like you’re being sucked inside a black hole, unable to escape until you’re being drawn inside it. He wondered why the boy looked so devastated and miserable yet he was lucky enough to survive on that ‘accident’

      “There you go, pal. Can you try on sitting up on your own?” Chan asked as he flashed him a reassuring smile.

      Yuchan looked down before nodding, he tried on sitting up a bit and it felt like he was carrying something really heavy that it made him want to give up “I c-can’t.”

      “You can do it, Yuchan-sshi. Only a bit more.” Chan tried to cheer the younger up.

      “Whatever,” Yuchan muttered as he kept on trying to sit up and with a load groan, he managed to do it for a minute.

      Chan clapped as he looked at Yuchan in amusement, “You’re doing well, just keep on sitting up.”

      Yuchan had undergo into sitting up and trying to move his fingers yet his fingers seems to be weak that he couldn’t move them properly, making him a bit uneasy. He felt like he’s being consumed in a hole—sucking his hope and shattering them into bits.

      He’s a painter-in-the-making, he took care of his hands more than his own bad knee yet because of an accident that he couldn’t remember, it made him like this. He isn’t ugly yet just looking at the scars at the back of his palm makes him think that he’s horrible. If he couldn’t move his fingers, how can he still make his artworks properly? All of them would look ugly—just like how he looks like right now.

      The therapy ended with Chan being a bit on his own patient because Yuchan kept on sighing and looking at his hands, making Chan notice that Yuchan is probably worried about his fingers. It wasn’t that bad but it would really take time for it to heal to be moved just like the usual.

 

       “You can go now,” Chan said as he smiled a bit, “See you tomorrow.”

       “Hey.” Yuchan spoke softly as he looked back at his therapist, “When will I be able to move my fingers and hands?”

      Chan seems to flinch a bit as he saw how dull Yuchan’s eyes was, it’s supposed to be gleaming with a bit of hope and desperation but it wasn’t—as if he already gave up “U-Um, it wouldn’t be that long. Your hands seems to be damaged a bit and I wouldn’t risk on massaging it without your doctor’s consult, I’m sure that you’re aware how the bones in a person’s hand were thin and small, right?”

      “So, it won’t be healed?” Yuchan asked and his eyes seemed to  darken.

     “I-It will heal. It’s just that I’m following the schedule that Gwangsuk-sshi gave me, I have to make sure that you’ll be able to sit-up. I’m amazed how fast you were able to move but your legs and hands will take time,” Chan said as he tapped Yuchan’s shoulder, “Don’t rush anything, you’ll only hurt yourself.”

      “I have to finish this and get out of here as soon as possible..” Yuchan said as he looked at the ceiling, “I have to—”

 

      In all of the sudden, he felt an intense pain on his hand and immediately tried to gasp. Seeing a surge of memories as he tried for the pain to stop, but it won’t. He felt like crying yet he tried to reach out for those memories, he should know why he’s suffering like this. But he felt a bunch of arms held him and gasped when something was injected to him, making him lose his conciousness.

      But he remembered something, he remembered going in this hospital again and again while talking to someone. Someone that makes his heart flutter and makes him feel the butterflies in his stomach. Someone that he adores a lot.. but who was it?

 

\------

      A thirteen-year old Yuchan was walking on a hallway, not caring if his mother would freak out if he wasn’t seen in front of the doctor’s office where she left him for a while. But he was bored, he wants to stroll around this wide building.

 

     He heard from his classmates that hospitals were scary, especially during night—a lot of scary creatures other than ghosts roam around here. He also heard that corpses were stored underneath the hospital until it was taken to the funeral and there are saying that it moves, walking around the hospital. There was a lot but all of it were negative, it made Yuchan a bit curious.

     Yuchan would lie if he isn’t scared, he’s a bit scared but he’s into adventure and seeking for emotional stuff. His friends told him that he was into complicated things, he’s easily drawn in by complicated situation and stuff. Such as art, a lot of artworks were complicated and he was the only one that loves it in their circle of friendship. But they couldn’t understand, they couldn’t understand the aesthetic value and mesmerizing point of every artwork. They just couldn’t understand how wonderful art is.

     Yuchan is a bit uncomfortable by the white walls, floors and ceiling along with the silence around, everything is quiet yet it seems like the silence is too deafening for him. He kept on walking until he stopped, he stopped to look at someone.

      He was expecting to see a ghost or a moving corpse but he wasn’t expecting to see such a beautiful person, it’s like he’s looking at a beautiful painting right now—he feels so elated and amazed on how beautiful this person is. The person was wearing a long-sleeved hospital gown with a pair of thin pants and the back of his hand was injected with a dextrose that was attached in the dextrose holder beside that person. That person was looking at the window but Yuchan never failed to notice the thin lips, pointed nose, feline-like eyes, pointed eyebrows, and how his black hair was almost covering his eyebrows. He can’t even believe that it’s an existing person—he’s a masterpiece made by the gods and goddesses!

 

      The person seems to notice that he wasn’t alone and looked at Yuchan side, a bit surprised to see someone “W-Who are you?”

      “I’m Kang Yuchan! And I’m thirteen years old,” Yuchan cheerfully introduced himself, smiling at the person.

     The person checked him from head to toe and his eyebrows furrowed a bit, “You’re not a patient here, what are you doing in this hospital?”

     Yuchan chuckled nervously as he scratched his nape, “I’ve recently healed from my knee injury but it caused a bit of a problem so I have to attend monthly-check ups to make sure that my knee wouldn’t get worse.”

     The boy nodded as he smiled a bit, “Nice to meet you, Yuchan.”

 

      When that person smiled at him, he felt like he was struck by something. A pang of pain and happiness was felt in his chest and he held it while still staring in awe at the person in front of him. How can a smile of a stranger could make him like this?

     “Um, excuse me but may I know why you’re holding your chest like that?” The boy asked, worry was immediately registered on his face, “Does your chest hurt? Should we call a doctor immediately?”

      “N-No!” Yuchan shook his head furiously.

      “I’m getting a bit worried, are you sure that you’re alright? Then why are you acting like tha—” The boy didn’t even finished what he was about to say when Yuchan’s mouth blurted something out.

      “B-Because you’re so beautiful! You’re so beautiful that you’re making me feel like I’m in love with you just the first time I’m seeing you!” Yuchan exclaimed, gasping after he realized what he said and covering his mouth.

      The boy was shocked and Yuchan knew that he messed it up, the boy is probably thinking that he’s a freak so he looked down but he was surprised when the boy chuckled “You’re the first person that said that to me. Um, thank you.. I guess.”

     “Y-You’re not going to call me a freak or something?” he asks, pouting as he stare at the boy.

     “No, why would I call you a freak? Something as cute as you doesn’t deserve to be called a freak, you’re like a baby.” The boy said as he flashed a toothy grin.

     Yuchan felt like he was about to hyperventilate but he tried his best to keep his cool before looking at boy in front of him, “M-May I know your name?”

      The boy was about to speak when he saw someone is about to grab the boy in front of him, it wa Yuchan’s mom “Kang Yuchan, you little brat! I was so worried! Why didn’t you listened to me when I told you to stay there?”

      “Sorry, mom. I got bored, you’ll forgive me nonetheless.” Yuchan said as he smiled at his mother.

      “You cheeky brat,” His mother pinched his cheek as she chuckled, “We need to go now, Chanie.”

       “We’ll be back here next month, right?” Yuchan asked and glanced at the boy in front of him.

       His mother nodded and ruffled his hair, “Of course, we will.”

      “That’s it!” Yuchan looked at the boy and grinned, “Hey, I’m going to see you again next month so save your introduction for the next month! Let’s see each other in here again, okay? I’ll wait for you!”

      The boy was surprised but he smiled and nodded, “Alright.”

      “See you next month!” Yuchan chirps as he waved his hands at him.

      The boy nodded and waved his hands, “See you next month.”

 

       He kept on looking at the boy as he and his mother walked away and when they’ve arrived at the car, he still kept a smile on his face. His mother was kind of surprised yet she let him be.

 

      “You’ve made a friend,huh?” His mother asked him.

      Yuchan nodded, “I can’t wait to see him once again,”

\-----

       When Yuchan’s eyes opened, he realized that he was back on his room again. He realized that he was just sedated a while ago, sedated for the second time. Yuchan sighs but he was surprised to see the pinky violet-hair boy beside him, he was resting his head on the bed and it seems like he was asleep.

 

The male was too ethereal, taking Yuchan’s breath away by just seeing his face. He looks too beautiful that Yuchan’s chest hurts whenever the beauty in front of him is too much. He was about to pat him when the boy’s eyes fluttered open and he pulled his hand back.

 

“Good evening, Yuchan.” The male muttered as he smiled a bit, stretching as he sat straight.

Yuchan nodded, “Hello.”

“You seem to be sleeping peacefully a while ago, you even smiled.” The male said as he grinned, “Dreaming about something?”

Yuchan was surprised and he nods, “Yes.”

“So, would you mind telling ne about your day and also about your dream? I’m curious, you know.” The male stated.

 

Yuchan nods at him and started on telling him what happened throughout this day and also about his dream, he felt so comfortable talking to this male that it’s really weird but he don’t mind it at all. As long as he’s alright along with this boy, it’ll be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um.. I wasn't really expecting that it'll be a long one but here it is.
> 
> Also, lemme know what you think about this chap~ ♥ The other characters won't appear until the 12th day.. I guess.


	6. d-21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuchan finally knew the male's name. F i n a l l y.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um.. I think that story doesn't have any progress on its storyline as of now and I tried to make some progress between Junhee and Yuchan here. :>
> 
> Um.. can I know your opinions about this chap and the storyline as of now? Kindly leave a comment, I guess. :>

       The ninth day has started and Yuchan wanted to jump out of his bed and run away from this place, he has been getting a bit restless on staying here for a long time. If only he could move his fingers a bit, he could start on trying to draw again. If only, that is.

      They just finished their therapy and it was all about helping him how to clench his fists. Yuchan was lucky enough to clench his fists normally, that means that he could hold a pen and draw something but he’s scared. What if his drawing will turn horrible now that he’s like this?

     But those thoughts were easily washed away when the door opened and revealed his daily visitor—the pinky violet-haired male, smiling bright and waved his hands a bit. Cute.

     “Good afternoon to you,” The male greeted him, closing the door after entering the room.

     Yuchan nodded, “Likewise.”

     “You’re so formal and boring! Kids these days don’t act like that, am I correct? They tend to be a brat nowadays and tease their hyungs or something..” The male mumbled as he furrowed his eyebrows.

     “I’m..” Yuchan doesn’t know how to respond—as if he’s under water and he couldn’t breathe, he doesn’t know what to respond “.. not in the mood.”

     “You’re lying,” The male said and he flinched, terrified on what is the male going to do but was surprise when the male sitting beside him smiled a bit “You looked so scared a while ago, Chanie. You don’t have to worry, I’m not mad. I’m just worried about you, you seem to act too... lifeless.”

     “I’m sorry.” Yuchan looked down and gripped the sheets, seeing them crumpled in his grip “I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m really worthless.”

     “And why is that? You can talk to me, Yuchan. You don’t need to worry about it yourself, tell me about your worries and I’ll do my best to cheer you up,” The male said as he grinned, “After all, I was born on the second day of summer—where the sun shines too bright.”

     Second day of summer? Yuchan thought before looking straight into the male’s face, “The 2nd day of June?”

     The male nodded and smiled wider, “Yup, you got that right.”

     “It’s next month?” Yuchan asked and the male nods, “Are you going to celebrate it?”

     The male shrugged, “Probably.”

     “I see.” Yuchan said and suddenly realized that he haven’t asked the male’s name for days “Um, m-may I know your name?”

     The male looked surprised and he laughs a bit, “We’ve been talking for nine days and you haven’t asked me my name?”

     Yuchan touched his nape and looked away, “I f-forgot.”

      The male looked at him in confusion, “And why is that?”

      “I guess that I’ve been feeling too comfortable whenever I’m talking to you and forgot to ask,” Yuchan replied, cheeks were tinted pink as he looked away.

     “Cute,” the male said and giggled before clasping his hands, “Let’s just say that my name is also like the month of my birth.”

     “June?” Yuchan asks.

     “It’s June without the letter ‘e’. It’s not my full name but you can call me Jun!” The male chirps.

     “Jun.” Yuchan nods, he liked the way how he said that name—as if his heart is about to burst yet he doesn’t know why “That’s a nice name.”

      “Thank you.” The male, Jun smiles as he rested his head on his left hand while looking straight at Yuchan “But can I know why you’re feeling anxious?”

      “I..” Yuchan was fidgeting, he suddenly felt so small and fragile as he tried to avoid Jun’s gaze.

     “I’m not going to force you, Yuchan. But I just want you to know that you are not alone, if you need someone that you can talk to, I’ll be right here.” Jun said and patted Yuchan’s head, smiling as he ruffled the fluffy hair.

     “You’re too nice,” Yuchan said.

     “Nothing’s bad with being too nice, Yuchan.” Jun replied.

     Yuchan shook his head, “People are going to take advantage of you, don’t be too nice.”

     Jun smiled sadly and shook his head, “No one’s going to see me except for my family and to you, as well.”

    Yuchan felt a pang of pain on his chest while seeing Jun’s pained expression, feeling a bit guilty “I-I’m sorry, Jun hyung.”

    “It’s alright,” Jun said as hugged his knees, “Besides, I’m glad now. You called me with honorifics, it’s alright if you don’t.”

    “Seriously, you’re too nice.” Yuchan sighs before looking at Jun with a bit of amusement “But are you still up to listen at my rants?”

    Jun’s face lit up, “You’re going to tell me?”

    “Not everything,” Yuchan said as he huffed.

    “Thank you, Yuchan.” 

     “For what?”

     “For trusting me.”

     “It wasn’t a big deal.”

      “You’ve been keeping it up go yourself, you must’ve been uncomfortable on trying to open up. You’ve worked hard. Congratulations, Yuchan.” Yuchan was really confused, the male in front of him is too nice. He knew how to make Yuchan feel a bit of happiness whenever he smiles, he knew how to tug the heartstrings in his heart.

     “You’re really weird but whatever, I’m weird too. Let’s be weird together,” Yuchan said and Jun nodded happily, “So, I’ve been thinking about my future. It made be too anxious, this injury could ruin my career. It made me look ugly, my hands looked too ugly. I feel so ugly with these scars around my body, and the fact that I might not be able to move my body scares me. I need to move, I want to move freely yet I’m still paralyzed here.”

    “Go ahead,” Jun gestured for him to continue and he inhaled, catching his breath.

   
       “I'm a Fine Arts student, currently being a junior in the academy I’m in. I was one of their ace, I’ve been known for my skills on painting and sketching. I’ve been doing great with my life but this accident that I couldn’t even remember happened and here I am, paralyzed with a 50% chance that I might or might not be able to move my hands just like before!” Yuchan exclaimed, gripping the sheets tighter “I have dreams, I have been planning my future for years, I have been doing my best but all of it will be ruined!”

     “The pressure of being an ace on your academy also affects you and the fact that you already planned your future makes you anxious because you’ve been nt following that plan of yours,” Jun said as he put his hands on his hips “You’re restricting yourself with that plan.”

     “It’s not like that! I’m just being practical, that’s all!” Yuchan reasoned out, puffing his cheeks “But the fact that I’m paralyzed made me too anxious, I’m not just worried for my future but also on what the other people is going to say. They’re going go mock me and hurt me with those sharp words. Some will be disappointed and will turn their backs at me, they would delete me in their life because I’m going to be worthless.”

    “What makes you say that? Say that about the people around you?” Jun asked, scrunching his nose as he frowned.

    “It’s always like that, the outside world is always like that. Being cruel and ugly as it is, showing the world that when you’re worthless, everyone would throw you like a piece of garbage. I’ve been witnessing how cruel it was, observing and seeing how people were abandoned. I’ve seen the world’s beautiful colors but also saw the ugliness of it,” Yuchan explains, “It’s like the ugliness that overwhelms this world, not the aesthetic one. There are times that I just wanted to close my eyes and don’t see how ugly it is, the world has been tainted with dirt and sin. People being hypocrites and evil, nothing’s new. So if I became paralyzed for life, I’ll be treated like a piece of garbage.”

      “You think too much,” Jun said.

     “That’s what my friends said about me, that I think too much.” Yuchan said, chuckling a bit.

     “But it wasn’t a bad thing.” Jun said as he played with the hem of his long-sleeved hospital gown, “And you think things through because you’re observant but I can sense how scared you were. Do you really think that you’re going to be worthless? I think not.”

    “You don’t understand, Jun.” Yuchan was getting a bit frustrated, Jun is too nice—unaware of how ugly it is outside, being naive and innocent. He’s like a blank canvas, empty of any stain or colors.

    “You’re wrong, Yuchan. Both of us have different perspective, I think that you’re just being drawn into your negative thoughts. Try to trust your family and friends more, try to trust yourself that you’ll be able to move freely once again. Ignore those thoughts and prove them wrong,” Jun said in a calm tone as he held Yuchan’s hands, feeling that Yuchan flinched a bit “These hands aren’t ugly at all, you’re not ugly. It’s just a bit scarred but it showed how you fought well, your scars were the proof that you’ve been in a tough situation but you fought for you life. And that is admirable, your scars are admirable. They’re beautiful, you are beautiful.”

 

     Yuchan felt like his heart jumped when Jun said those words while holding his hand, he felt so comforted and secured. The pinky violet-haired male which was a masterpiece that was made by the gods, comforted him.

 

     “Thank you.” Yuchan mumbled.

     “You don’t need to thank me about that, I’m stating the fact that you, Kang Yuchan, is a beautiful person so don’t let your insecurities get the best of you, got it?” Jun said as he pinched Yuchan’s right cheek.

     “I don’t know.”

     “Don’t worry, I’ll be here to cheer you. You don’t need to keep all of your thoughts to yourself because I’m here!” Jun said in a cheerful way as he raised his fists “My main goal is to see you smile like you were so contented and happy.”

     “Why are you even doing this?” Yuchan asked, tilting his head a bit.

      Jun held his hands a bit tighter, “Because we’re friends.”


	7. d-20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuchan kept on trying his best but it seems like it's still not enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a mess. i'm kinda losing my confidence on writing nowadays.. i feel like all of this is nothing but crap..
> 
> sorry for the grammatical errors in this chap. also.. please leave a comment about it : ( and boi, a.c.e will release their song in a few hours.. i'm so excited!

      The tenth day seems to be a bit more difficult, Yuchan isn’t getting better and he’s aware of it. He could see how his therapist, Chan kept on sighing as he kept on trying to stand properly yet he fell on the floor again and again.

     “You should take a rest for a bit, let me massage you.” Chan said and tried to help Yuchan on getting back to the bed but the brunette slapped his hand away, making him gasp.

      “I’ll try again,” Yuchan said in a cold tone, dull eyes looking at the ground.

     Chan sighed as he scratched his nape, “Yuchan-sshi, you should rest for a while. Our therapy is for an hour and thirty minutes, we’ve just consumed the thirty minutes as of now. Chill, will ya?”

     “I need to know if I’m going to get better or not,” Yuchan said as he gritted his teeth.

     “You can move your shoulders, arms, legs and clench your fists in a span of ten days and I think that it is quite a fast improvement,” Chan stated as he kneeled in front of Yuchan, smiling in a comforting way “You’ve been working hard lately. But I think that you should rest for a few minutes.”

     “No.” Yuchan said as he held on the parallel bars and tried to stand up but he felt like every ounce of his energy was draining as he tried to grip at the bars tighter, his thighs flexing as he tried to stand but failing miserably.

     “Please just rest for a while, Yuchan-sshi.” Chan said as he kept on convincing the brunette patient that was glaring at the floor.

      “I want to be able to stand as soon as possible,” Yuchan muttered. He can feel his anxiety kicking back once again, making him think a lot of the negative outcome of this therapy. The thought of not being able to stand because of his legs and to walk makes him feel sick.

      Chan sighed as he shook his head, “This won’t do. Do you want to try on holding something instead? Let’s try if you can move your fingers now.”

       Yuchan quickly glanced up at Chan and nodded, “L-Let’s do that.”

       Chan smiled at him as he helped Yuchan to return to the bed and let him sit at the edge of it, dashing to the table to grab a  pen, comb, book and a pair of scissors. He returned to Yuchan’s side as the brunette tilted his head in confusion.

      “We’ll start on this thick book first, let’s see if your fingers could handle it.” Chan said as he let Yuchan grab the book, he can see how Yuchan’s hand was shaking but the brunette kept on holding it. Chan can notice how unstable was Yuchan’s grip on it and sighed, “Hold it like that for a minute. Let’s see if you can take it.”

      Yuchan’s hand is starting to feel numb yet he kept on gripping at the book, furrowing his eyebrows when he noticed that despite letting out a large amount of energy, his grip on the book isn’t that tight. He kept on holding the book as if his life depended on it and after a minute, Chan took the book from him and massaged his hands—starting from the palm, the back o his hand up to his fingers and repeated it again.

      “It seems that you can hold it, but you’re struggling too much. We need to exercise your hand more, I’ll leave the book to you and train yourself by holding it until you can finally hold it normally without feeling numb or not feeling relaxed at all,” Chan said ashe put the book on the book before handling Yuchan the comb, “Now let’s get it heated. This is a bit difficult because it isn’t that wide, thick and big just like the book.”

      “I'll try.” Yuchan said as he held the comb.

 

      Yuchan managed to hold the comb and Chan challenged him by moving his arm around as he held the comb, Yuchan felt like his hands started to numb again so he stopped. Chan seems to be satisfied with the results but the tests on holding the pen while trying to cut something using the scissors didn’t turned out well. The pen kept on falling from Yuchan’s grip a lot of times while he can’t use the scissors because it also kept on falling from his fingers.

      “It’s alright, Yuchan-sshi.” Chan said as he smiled before letting the boy lied down on the bed as he massaged his feet up to his legs, adding a bit of pressure on the joints “You just needed to train yourself, start with the book then the comb. We’ll continue our therapy on helping you move your fingers after you’ll be able to stand and walk.”

      “This is hopeless,” Yuchan murmured as he looked at the ceiling, “I should be better off dead.”

      Chan looked at the boy with a horrified expression and shook his head furiously, “Don’t say that, mate! Don’t give up yet. It’s been ten days since you woke up and you’re already giving up? Have a little bit of faith on yourself, you can do it!”

      “I don’t know anymore..” Yuchan sighed as he sighed.

      “Well, I won’t give up on you. I’ll keep on trying to help you out until you’ll be okay again. Once that you’re finally able to stand on your own, you won’t use the wheelchair anymore. You'll be using a walking aid and the Gwangsuk hyung would definitely let you roam around the halls on this floor.” Chan said as he kept on massaging the younger, quite a bit disappointed on seeing the expressionless boy not reacting on what he said “So let’s do our best to train you, okay?”

       “Okay.” Yuchain said nonchalantly.

       “If it hurts, stop. If you’re tired, stop. If you feel like you’re about to collapse, let it be.” Chan said as he helped Yuchan on sitting up from the bed, “Stopping doesn’t mean that you’re giving up, stop for a while and rest then when you’re on good shape, try again. Even the most hard-working person stops for a while.”

 

       Chan carefully helped the younger on going at the parralel bars again, letting him grip on the bars before letting go  He could see how Yuchan kept on gripping at the bars, maintaining his standing position despite his legs and hands kept on shaking. It’s too painful for the therapist to look at, he had been into a lot of physical therapy but never saw anyone as desperate as Yuchan. He can't help but feel a bit amused and sad for the boy, he kept on doing his best.

      But Yuchan fell on the ground with a thud, Chan was about to help him when the brunette tried to hold at the bars once again and tried to stand up slowly. But he couldn’t even stand up straight and Chan can’t help but try to help him on standing up straight and letting him train himself, the younger boy is quite stubborn and Chan lets him to be like that. Because Yuchan looks so lifeless but Chan could feel his burning passion.

      The therapy ended with a panting Yuchan that isn’t able to stand up properly and was sent back to his room, making him sigh as Junyoung helped him to get into his bed and attached the dextrose to him. Offering him the apples that was on the tray which was his dinner, they were still checking if Yuchan would be able to eat normally without throwing up. He could only eat a few for now but Junyoung was surprised when Yuchan ate up the small cuts of the three apples that he peeled and cut.

      “You seemed to be more hungry now,” Junyoung said and laughs, “Your stomach is able to digest the food normally, if this continues, you’ll be able to eat larger amount of meals.”

      “J-Junyoung-sshi, when will I get better?” Yuchan asked, not looking at the nurse but kept his eyes on the ceiling “Can you please tell me the right answer honestly? I don’t want to hear any kind of false hope anymore.”

       “If I told you that you’ll be getting better soon, would you think that I’m lying?” Junyoung asked and Yuchan nodded, “Well, it’s okay to be called as a liar but I’m afraid that it is what I will respond to your question. As a nurse, I have to make sure and I will make that my patient is healthy and healing.”

      “I am not in the mood to argue or talk right now so if you’re finished with your check-up, you can leave.” Yuchan said nonchalantly.

       Junyoung was surprised but nodded nonetheless, “See you tomorrow, Yuchan-sshi.”

 

       Yuchan sighed as he tried to rest for a while, feeling too much fatigue for the first time. It must’ve been because he was trying too hard a while ago but he cared less about it as he felt his conciousness slipping away, letting himself drift into his own dreamland.

 

\------

      It was the second month of their examination and also during the night, Yuchan’s mother saw how elated Yuchan was and smiled, remembering that he’s going to meet that boy which he befriended a month ago.

      As the examination on his knee was finished, Yuchan dashed away from the room as he ignored the doctor and his mother calling him as he kept on running until he arrived at the same place, smiling widely as he saw the boy looking at the window once again. There goes that weird feeling again yet he mustered up his courage and approach the ethereal boy in front of him.

       “H-Hey there.”

       The boy looked at him in surprised before smiling a bit, “Welcome back, Yuchan.”

      “Y-You remember?” Yuchan’s eyes widened and his jaw dropped, not believing how this beautiful boy remembered his name.

       “Of course, how could I forget the name of the cute child that approached me here last month?” The male said and Yuchan was so mesmerized, especially when the boy’s eyes crinkled, “Besides, aside from my tutor and her son along with my family, nobody visits me.”

      “Then I’ll be your visitor every month!” Yuchan chirps, smiling as he took out a box of pepero and opened it as he gave the boy one of it, “Want some?”

      “Sure.” The boy took it from Yuchan and ate it, smiling at Yuchan “Thank you for that.”

      “How was your stay here in the hospital?” Yuchan asked, glancing at the boy that looked at the window once again, admiring the view.

      “It was okay,” The boy said as he smiled a bit, Yuchan noticed how melancholic it was and pouted “I might feel lonely most of the time but it can’t be helped, I’m sick.”

      “You’ve had it tough, right?” Yuchan asked before holding his hands that made the boy flinched on the sudden skinship “But don’t worry, I’ll be visiting you every month and I promise that you won’t feel alone at all.”

     “You’re too nice, Yuchan.” The boy said as he smiled, “Thank you. I appreciate that.. a lot.”

     “We’re friends now. I have the right to visit you from now on,” Yuchan said cheerfully as hs grins, “So you don’t have to be alone all of the time. I’ll be here for you.”

     “We’ve only met twice yet you talk as if you’re going to stay with me as long as I’m alive,” The boy said and chuckled a bit.

     Yuchan nods, “That’s what I’m planning to do.”

     The boy was surprised on Yuchn’s response, he was expecting for the boy to get tired of a sick boy like him and leave him but no, the boy has something planned out and that is staying with him. He can’t help but feel warm in all of the sudden while looking at the boy that resembles the bright sun in the sky, smiling a bit as he pulled his hands off from Yuchan’s grip to pat the younger boy.

     Yuchan was surprised when the boy patted his head, he wants to shout and run around as if achieved something but he just kept on standing straight as he looked at the mesmerizing boy in front of him, smiling as if he said something that made the boy elated like this.

     “Thank you, Yuchan.” The boy said before leaning in front of him and pecked his forehead.

     Yuchan felt himself blushing really hard as he avoided the boy’s gaze, “I-It’s nothing. I haven’t even planned half of it, I want to have an adventure with you. I want to draw you. I want to see your smile all the time.”

     “You’re too cute!” The boy squealed as he pinched Yuchan’s cheeks.

     “I know!” Yuchan chirps, “But, can I know your name now?”

     “Oh, how silly of me not to introduce myself sooner.” The boy chuckled before smiling really wide, showing off that feline-like canines “Hello, Yuchan. My name is—

\------

     Yuchan jolted up and his eyes widened when he noticed that it’s already 10 P.M. and looked around, he was alone right now. He felt a bit sad as he was expecting someone to come but an idea popped out of his mind and gulped. It was a risky idea but he has to do it if he wants to be okay.

      He tried to stand up by leaning his back on the floor, somehow stumbling down to the ground with a groan. He removed every single needle from the medication that he needs on his body as he crawled with all of his might until he reached the wheelchair, gripping in it tightly as he sat in it. Sighing in content before going in front of the door, opening it slightly to look at the passerbys. Luckily, no one was roaming at the floor so he went out and sighed in relief.

 

       “What are you doing?” He froze and looked at the one who asked him, somehow feeling a bit in ease when he noticed that it was Jun.

       “I-I’m just going somewhere, want to come along?” Yuchan asked

       “Sure, why not?” The male smiled.

      Yuchan somehow sighed in relief as he start the wheelchair and looked around before proceeding until they’ve arrived in front of the therapy room, he was surprised to see that it wasn’t locked so he opened the door and switched the lights on. He felt uneasy in all of the sudden, the thoughts of failing as he tried to stand once again kept on poking in his mind.

      “Are you going to train yourself alone? You might hurt yourself,” Jun said, the younger noticed how concerned Jun was.

     Yuchan nods, “I have to get better soon.”

      “I won’t stop you, Yuchan. But please know your limitations, you don’t need to hurt yourself. Take it slow,” Jun said as he looked at Yuchan, concern was registered all over his face.

 

 

Yuchan started his own training as Jun sat in the corner, hugging his knees while staring at the boy with concern registered on his face. He winced everytime that Yuchan fell to the ground but he knew that the younger boy is unstoppable. So he let him be. Besides, he has no right to interfere with Yuchan.

 

Yuchan kept on trying to stand up as he gripped on the parallel bars but his knees seems to shake and let him fall to the ground, he kept on doing it again and again until he can stand a bit longer before falling to the floor. He sighed as he looked at Jun, still looking at him and flashed out a grin as if he’s cheering him. He felt like he was stabbed, Jun’s smile comforts him yet hurts him at the same time. He felt bad for being not enough—for being not strong enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will begin to show the other characters on the next chapter :)


	8. d-19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i'm back! have you listened to a.c.e's 5tar? it was really beautiful that i just h a v e to write about junhee singing to our giant chansine~ ; w;
> 
> sorry for the grammatical error on this chapter, i really don't know if it will be a good one since all that i've been writing nowadays were a bit.. bad, i guess? but kindly leave some comments about this chapter! thank you!

       Yuchan feels a bit contented right now, despite his legs feeling numb because he forced himself to stand until he was able to. Luckily, no one caught him sneaking out and he went back to his room  as soon as possible. He was about to give up but as he sees Jun’s smile, he kept on shaking the thoughts off his mind and kept on going. He did it because of his hard-work.

      He feel so sleepy and he wanted to sleep more but he was surprised when the door opened and revealed a boy with blonde hair along with an another one with jet black hair, it took him a few seconds to realize that it is his friends, Byeongkwan and Sehyoon. The two looked so worried at Yuchan’s state as they went beside their friend.

      “It’s been a while, Chan!” Byeongkwan said as he looked at Sehyoon,gesturing at him to talk.

      “S-Sorry for not visiting you for almost two weeks, it’s been a hell-ish week for me and Kwan. All of the requirements, exams and quizzes in a span of two weeks,” Sehyoon explained as he sighed.

      Yuchan nods, “It’s alright.”

     “Do you want to eat something? We have a lot of snacks here,” Byeongkwan said as he opened his bag, revealing a box of pepero and pocky sticks.

     “That would be nice. Yes please,” Yuchan said and nodded once again, “So, how’s school?”

      Byeongkwan’s smile widened and Yuchan knew that it'll be a long one, “First and foremost..”

     As Byeongkwan kept on talking, they kept on feeding Yuchan until he refused to eat anymore. It seems like their school is still the same, Byeongkwan said how worried they were when Yuchan got into an accident and how he’s having a bit of memory loss, scared on the thought of them being forgotten by their friend.

      “Hey, Chan.” Byeongkwan looked a bit hesitant but he kept on talking, “What is the last thing that you’ve remembered?”

     Yuchan blinked and tilted his head a bit before shaking his head, “I don’t know. My memories were a bit hazy until now.”

     “Then you’ve forgotten about your star to—” Sehyoon wasn’t quick enough to cover Byeongkwan’s mouth as soon as possible.

      “What?” Yuchan asked.

      Sehyoon shook his head furiously, “It’s nothing important for now, Yuchan. Don’t mind this blabbering idiot for now.”

      “The two of you were still as sweet as usual,” Yuchan said, chuckling a bit as he sighed, “Speaking of being sweet made me remember Suji. I still haven’t confessed my feelings for her, right?”

      “What?” Sehyoon and Byeongkwan looked at Yuchan with widened eyes.

      “Well, I like Suji. I’ve even told the two of you about that, right?” Yuchan said and giggled a bit, “Can you tell me a bit about her? How is she?”

      “She’s fine.” Sehyoon said before clearing his throat, “H-Hey, Yuchan. Aside from Suji, let’s talk about something else.”

      “Why?” Yuchan’s eyebrows furrowed a bit.

      Sehyoon shrugs, “Can you tell us about your stay here in the hospital? How is it?”

      Yuchan can notice how Sehyoon tried to change the topic and just ignored the thought and smiled a bit, “It was okay. The therapy is difficult but I can manage it, I have to do it. Besides, I’m not alone. There’s a patient that kept on visiting me everyday to talk to me.”

      “A patient? Who is that?” Byeongkwan asked.

      Yuchan remembered the pinky violet-haired male’s face and he didn’t realized that the smile he was faking became a genuine one, “He’s a beautiful person that I would really like to draw when I can move my hands once again. With his hair that seems so fluffy and soft along with his cat-like eyes and pink lips. He was a masterpiece, a masterpiece that I want to mak a replica of.”

      “The way you’re talking is like you’re in love with that person,” Byeongkwan said before smiling a bit, “Who’s that dude?”

      “He hasn’t introduced himself but he said that I should call him Jun. Because he was born on the second day of June,” Yuchan replied.

 

      Yuchan noticed how Byeongkwan became a bit pale and also Sehyoon’s shocked expression, scrunching his nose a bit and furrowed his eyebrows. He was wondering why his friends kept on acting weird like something bad started to happen.

     Yuchan couldn’t take the heavy atmosphere and broke the silence, “Is there something wrong?”

     “N-Nothing at all. We’re just surprised that someone tried to befriend you when we’re not here for you,” Byeongkwan said and waved his hands a bit.

     “If you’ll see him, you’ll really agree with my opinion. He’s such a beautiful person that could take your breath away, just looking at him almost made me forget how to breathe properly.” Yuchan said while clasping his hands, “He usually visits me after my therapy or during the evening so I guess that both of you won’t see him right now.”

     “It’s alright.” Yuchan was wondering why Sehyoon smiled, it was rare to see Sehyoon like this. Smiling as if he’s in ease.

      So the three of them kept on talking to each other about the stuff that Yuchan had missed as he was in a coma, Yuchan felt a bit alright as he kept on talking to both of his hyungs. He felt like a bit of his misery depleted into existence because he was able to convey his feelings to other people aside from the pinky violet-haired male that is his daily visitor. 

      “Yuchan, we have to go now. We’ll be having our class in an hour, we’ll try to visit you soon and next time, we’ll bring Donghun too.” Byeongkwan said and grinned as he left the plastic filled with the pocky sticks on the desk beside Yuchan’s bed, “Here. So you could eat some snacks whenever you’re hungry, the food in this hospital must’ve been bland.”

     “You bet it is.” Yuchan agreed.

     “See you soon, Yuchan. Get well soon,” Sehyoon said as he ruffled the brunette’s hair.

      “Yuchan, when that visitor of yours arrives, tell him that Sehyoon and Byeongkwan is thankful of him and also, hi.” Byeongkwan said before he was dragged by Sehyoon.

 

 

     Yuchan sighed as he looked at the window, seeing how bright the sun was along with the azure sky. He might feel hopeless but there are days like this that he felt like he was so happy and contented, that is how complicated life is. There’s always darkness behind the light, there’s always a tiny speck of light in a void surrounded by darkness.

     Just like what he expected, he was sent to his daily therapy and Chan was amused. Yuchan is finally able to stand up straight after failing again and again, he felt so proud of the brunette. Chan let out a wide smile and clapped as Yuchan nods a bit, he didn’t show any expression to the therapist. He was so tired because of the extra time that he trained himself last night.

 

     “I’m quite amazed about your improvement, Yuchan-sshi. But I can notice how unwell you looked, have you been sleeping well? You should rest a bit,” Chan said as he wrote something on the notepad that he was holding, “Since you can stand up properly, you won’t be needing the wheelchair anymore. You’ll be using a walking aid to help you train yourself on walking but I won’t provide it to you yet.”

     “W-What?” Yuchan was surprised. He was expecting to use it and train himself already.

      “You can only stand for a few minutes. You still needed to fix your balance and your strength properly in able to walk properly,” Chan said and looked at Yuchan’s face directly, “And I’m aware that you’ll overwork yourself again, you practiced last night. Haven’t you even noticed that there are cameras around the hall?”

     Yuchan froze as he looked down, feeling like he was sucked into a void “I did it to fasten my recovery.”

      “Yuchan-sshi, I already told you to take it slow. If you kept on hurrying up, you won’t like the results of this therapy. Please don’t do that again, rest and take your time, you don’t need to rush.” Chan said as he tapped his patient’s back, “We’ll make sure that you’ll get well,okay?”

      Yuchan sighed, “Alright.”

      “It’s not like I’m restricting you but please take care of yourself,” Chan said as he smiled apologetically.

 

      When Yuchan was sent back to his room, he felt a bit mad and glared at the ceiling. He wasn’t even wrong, he just wanted to be alright. Everything felr so unfair and Yuchan screamed really loud, gripping the blankets until it crumpled. He was so frustrated despite feeling okay a while ago, he wants to get better as soon as possible. He’s desperate to be okay and to be able to draw once again but it seems like fate is being a bitch once again.

 

      He kept on screaming until his throat hurts and he couldn’t prevent the tears on falling from his eyes, crying everything out. He had enough, it was really difficult for him—he couldn’t pretend that everything is alright, because it’s unfair to him.

     “Y-Yuchan..” Yuchan just kept his head low as he heard Jun’s voice and kept on crying until he heard footsteps and felt a hand holding his own hand “Yuchan, what’s the matter?”

      “Everyone doesn’t understand me.. they don’t want to understand me..” Yuchan muttered between sobs and sniff.

      “Oh my gosh, Yuchan. Tell me everything, I’m willing to listen. Tell me how tough it is and how you’ve been suffering, tell it to me in order to lessen the pain.” Jun said as he embraced the brunette, “Please tell me and I’ll do my best to comfort you.”

      “I want to get better. I want to get out of this damn hospital. I want to walk and run with my own two legs. I want to paint and sketch once again. I want to be with my friends again. I don’t want this, I want to be alright again!” Yuchan said as he hugged Junhee back and kept on crying like a kid.

      “You’ve had it rough, Yuchan. You did well and I'm so proud of you, don’t give up yet and keep on working hard. The results might’ve been not ready but soon, it’ll be shown to you. This is just one of the tough situation that you’re facing, you can get through this. I’m sure of that,” Jun said and smiled, rubbing the younger’s back and humming, “Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll help you, I’ll help you to get through the pain.”

      “I feel so worthless, Jun. I feel like they’re giving up on me, trying to stop me on getting better. It was unfair. I want to be alright again, is it that hard to accept?!” Yuchan asked and kept on sobbing.

      “I know that it might feel a bit unfair to you but I know that deep inside, they care for you. It’s just that they need to make sure about your well-being too, Yuchan. It’s alright to be mad, you’ve been keeping it all to yourself. You’ve been frustrated and stressed, you’ve been feeling like you’re worthless, your mind has been a mess because of the ugly thoughts. It’s alright, Yuchan. And thank you for telling me that, I’m sure that I made you feel a bit okay. Now that I know what you’ve been going through, let me in.” Jun said as he pointed at Yuchan’s chest “Let me in and see how precious you are, let me coax you until you’re okay. Let me be your star that will shine bright for you on the time that the sky is filled with darkness. Let me be that star, shining on you.”

     “Jun, what should I do? I’m scared..” Yuchan murmured, “I lost a bit of my memories and I also lost the ability to move my body properly.”

      “Keep on fighting. Keep on struggling. Just don’t give up and don’t let those thoughts consume you and your sanity, you’re way better than any of it. Prove them wrong, my sunshine.” Yuchan shivered as he heard the pet name, it made him feel the chills. It made him feel nostalgic.

 

      Yuchan kept on ranting as Junhee listening, still embracing the brunette until Yuchan is tired from crying and talking. He lied on the bed as Junhee held his right hand while smiling at him, feeling a bit triumphant as he made the younger okay.

 

      “You seem to be a bit sleepy,” Jun said when Yuchan yawned, “Should I sing you a lullaby?”

      Yuchan pouted, “I am not a kid.”

      “But I want to sing a lullaby for you, can I do it?” Jun asked, pursing his lips.

       Jun is such a dazzling person, and Yuchan couldn’t say no at him so he nodded, “Alright.”

      “Thank you, Yuchan.” Yuchan wanted to sit and hug the pinky violet-haired male but he kept on lying on his own bed.

 

       As Jun started to open his mouth and sung the first sentence, Yuchan felt his heart is about to burst and he looked at the mesmerizing male that was singing his heart out while holding his hand. Yuchan felt so breathless as Jun kept on hitting the notes and sang as if he was just talking, it made Yuchan adore him more. Music is also art and Yuchan appreciates art, it is so unfair how Jun that looks like a masterpiece has been blessed with a voice that could even summon the angels from the sky.

 

     “You've endured it so many times already. You've endured it so far, why are you like this? At times when you just want to give up.” The song was somehow great and the lyrics were well-made yet it felt a bit familiar for an unknown reason.

 

      Yuchan felt like he was on cloud nine, he felt so blessed on witnessing such a wonderful moment. But in the back of his mind, a voice kept on saying that there is something wrong—why was the song familiar? Why is the lyrics somehow familiar? Why is he feeling like this? Why?

 

      “That time that is endured alone. Each of those days. Say that you did really well,” Jun kept on singing as he looked at Yuchan with such loving eyes, “My star.”

 

      Yuchan felt like he was a child being cradled by his own mother, he felt so secured and comforted. It made him a bit drowsy but kept his conciousness just to keep on listening on the male that was singing for you.

 

“My voice towards you, can you feel it? If it's still not too late, if my heart can reach you entirely. What should I say? Can I deliver my heart?” Jun has hit those high notes but kept his tone soft as if he’s singing an actual lullaby, he looked at Yuchan that was trying not to close his eyes that was looking at him. Jun felt so bad yet he did his best to ignore the guilt that he’s feeling and kept on singing.

      “This day..” Yuchan was already asleep when Jun whispered the last part of the song, smiling as he leaned and kissed the brunette’s forehead “Good night, my sun. Sweet dreams, please don’t dream of me just like before. Not anymore.”

 

      Jun let go of the younger male’s hand and felt a bit empty, he couldn’t help but sigh. The two of them needed each other, needed the comfort and care of one another. Jun knows that Yuchan can feel it too but he wouldn’t say it out loud. Besides, it’s better if there wouldn’t be any progress on the two of them.

 

     Just endure the overwhelming emotions and keep on smiling.


	9. d-18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuchan woke up without any doubt and had a great day for the first time...
> 
> Junhee seems to be a bit weird, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i didn't expect this one to be a long chap but this is prolly filled with nonsensical words that were piled up so i can finish a chapter.. lol idk, idk what to do anymore. i've been really confused if i should continue this or just leave it behind :<
> 
> anyway, please read my note at the end of the chapter. and thank you for reading this story, if you have some spare time, kindly leave a comment or smth.. also, sorry for the grammatical error.

      Yuchan woke up feeling so warm and secured, he looked around and saw that no one was in his room aside from him. He tried to recall what happened last night and the pinky violet-haired male popped out of his mind, singing and looking at him in a way that Yuchan felt like he was melting. He put his hand in his chest because he started to feel like his heart is about to escape and offer itself to Jun.

      “This is weird,” Yuchan muttered as he tried to clutch his chest, “It feels so warm and overwhelming.”

       The thought of the older male embracing him and humming made him flustered, he kept on biting his lips as he tried not to squeal. Jun is just too cute but at the same time, he’s so dazzling. This emotion is somehow familiar but he couldn’t recall the exact time that he felt this way, it’s probably one of the memories that he had forgotten. But Jun was making him think like he is in love with the pinky violet-haired male and he knew that he shouldn’t—the one that he likes is Suji, the popular girl in the College of Performing Arts. Not that sicky, and fraily boy that takes his breath away. 

      This is just wrong in so many levels and Yuchan wouldn’t risk on falling for the boy.

      “It must’ve been because I am lonely and he’s always here for me. That’s right,” Yuchan muttered as he tried to convince himself and nods, “You’re straight as a ruler, Kang Yuchan. You’re not going to fall for that dying boy. Heck, you don’t even know a thing aside from him having a serious illness, that he was born on the second day of June and that his name is Jun.”

      Yet there’s a voice that is crawling at the back of his mind telling him that Jun is not a stranger at all. How can a stranger make you feel so complete and contented? With just a smile? With just the presence of the stranger. So, Yuchan kept on wondering and trying his best to prevent this feeling at all.

      “Good Afternoon, Yuchan. You had been sleeping for more than twelve hours,” Junyoung said and put the tray filled with apples and bananas that were cut, “Sorry if this is the only meal that we could provide for you, we’re really observing your digestion if there’s any implications on your intestines or at your stomach.”

      Yuchan nods, taking one and munching it, smiling a bit as he tasted the sweet juice from it “It’s alright.”

      “You seem to be in a good mood today,” Junyoung stated and smiled, “You’re doing well,Yuchan-sshi.”

      “Thank you, Junyoung.” Yuchan said and smiled at the nurse, “Guess that I’ve had a good night.”

      Junyoung was kind of surprised, the patient looked so calm today, not the usual gloomy boy that doesn’t even express anything “Why is that?”

       “Jun sang a lullaby for me,” Yuchan said, smiling as he took a bite on one of the banana at his plate “His voice was too good. I really like it, he made me feel so comforted that I was able to sleep without feeling emptiness. I feel so contented and complete.”

      Junyoung’s face paled a bit but he forced a smile and chuckled, “Jun is always like that, thinking about the other’s happiness first. Comforting them as much as he can, he’s always like that. The other patients were fond of him, he visits them and befriended all of them.”

      “I-Is he that lonely?” Yuchan asked, fidgeting a bit.

      Junyoung nods, “He’s lonely and he know that feeling so he doesn’t let the others feel loneliness, he’s a strong person. He’s a brat though.”

      “He must’ve given you a hard time back then,” Yuchan said as he looked at the window, admiring the view outside for the first time in his stay here in the hospital “I don’t know why but I really wanted to know him more, he’s such an interesting person.”

      “But Yuchan, if I were you, I would stay away from him,” Junyoung said in a firm tone, pursing his lips for a while, “Because soon enough, one of you will put a border so that the other one couldn’t invade him. Jun will definitely push you away soon, he doesn’t want anyone to suffer because of him.”

      Yuchan froze, dropping the piece of apple from his hand before looking at Junyoung “Why?”

       “Jun is just being.. Jun,” Junyoung forced an another smile on his face, “He’s a living enigma that when you’re too close, you won’t be able to escape from his grasp anymore. He’s like a quicksand that once you step in it, you'll be dragged in it and you won’t be able to escape.”

      “But.. Jun isn’t a bad person, isn’t he?” Yuchan asks, glancing at Junyoung with a bit of concern on his tone.

       Junyoung noticed how Yuchan’s eyes gleamed with desperation and concern so he sighed, “No. In fact, Jun is the purest person that I’ve met. He’s such a sweetheart that takes care of the others but the fact that he neglects himself is a bit worrying. If you only knew what is the most selfless thing that he did, you’ll probably cry as you try to remove your heart because it hurts too much.”

      “What?” Yuchan was confused yet he felt a bit scared because of what his nurse said to him. Jun seems to be harmless but he can be harmed by other people—other people that were self-centered and insensitive.

      “Just enjoy your stay here in the hospital, Yuchan-sshi. Please don’t make Jun cry, he doesn’t deserve to shed his tears for anything.” Junyoung said and took the empty tray from the patient, “The other nurse will bring you to the therapy room at 3:30 P.M so you can take your time and enjoy your free time.”

 

      Yuchan was confused but Junyoung seems to be worried over Jun and as someone that is grateful to the beautiful male, he will do his best to prevent Jun on crying. He looked at the comb and book beside the plastic filled with snacks that Byeongkwan brought, he took both of it and trained himself. He started on holding it properly until his hands started to get weak and let the object fall from his hand, he was disappointed. But he kept on trying again.

         
     He kept on trying until the nurse barged in and brought him to the therapy room, his therapist welcomed him with the same genuine smile that he has. Yuchan smiled back which made the therapist surprised and shook his head while chuckling.

     “I couldn’t believe it when Junyoung said that you were in a good mood,” Chan said as he tapped his patient’s shoulder, “It’s somehow refreshing to see you a bit cheerful.”

      “I’ve been really a mess but I think that I’m slowly getting better,” Yuchan stated, clasping his hands together.

      Chan laughed a bit as he nodded, “Well, you looked like you’ve been suffering but now, you looked so refreshed.”

      “Guess that I haven’t had a good night sleep on my ten days of my stay until last night, someone sang a lullaby for me and it was so comforting,” Yuchan said as he smiled, a pink tint on his cheeks was seen.

       Chan looked a bit surprised but sighed, “I’ve heard about it from Junyoung, you really made the nurse a bit happy. He was really fond of the patients and took care of them dearly, he was really worried about you.”

      “I’m sorry for being a burden,” Yuchan said as he looked at the ground before smiling a bit on Chan, “But it can’t be helped, right?”

       “Yes,” Chan replied, “So, shall we start our daily session?”

      Yuchan nodded, “Yes, you may.”

 

       The therapy started with sit-ups and trying to stand up straight which Yuchan finally did after ten days without hurting himself, Chan helped him on balancing himself which was a great idea—it really worked and he can last almost ten minutes on balancing himself without falling to the ground yet stumbling a lot of times. It wasn’t a big deal, Yuchan was still healing and even though it wasn’t really that fatal, they still need to check if he can move his body.

       Yuchan felt carefree and tried to take a step without depending on the parallel bars and he successfully took a few steps but he started to stumble and Chan ushered to his direction and helped his patient, smiling while looking at Yuchan with a proud expression. He immediately took the walking aid that he prepared on the corner of the room and brought it in front of the patient.

 

       “Use it,” Chan stated, smiling wider, “Go ahead, Yuchan-sshi. Try to walk.”

        “Okay..” Yuchan mumbled as he held on the walking aid, taking a step and an another until he tried to take small steps that took him to the other side of the room, he turned around and walked back to Chan without stumbling much with the help of the walking aid.

      “Congratulations, Yuchan-sshi. It seems like you can walk a bit now,” Chan said as he pointed at the bed, “I’m really satisfied on your results, it’s like a miracle. Let’s see if you can also move your fingers and your hands now.”

       “I really wanted to draw again, I wanted to draw and convey my emotions.. I don’t want to be suffocated by it again,” Yuchan mumbled and sighed.

      Chan somehow smiled at the younger boy’s wish and nods, “If you could accomplish on holding a pen in three minutes, I’ll give you a pencil, a sharpener, a bunch of color pencil and a sketchbook.”

       “What?” Yuchan looked at the therapist with hopeful eyes “Are you sure about that?”

       Chan nodded as he opened his bag, revealing the items that he mentioned, “Of course, I am. Junyoung told me about you, it was my duty to know a bit of information about my patients. You’re an aspiring artist and a dedicated one, so I want to see how your dedication can make a miracle happen.”

      Yuchan’s eyes were almost sparkling and shining as he looked at the items that he missed a lot, “I-I’ll do it.”

      “That’s the spirit!” Chan said and gently placed it on the table before taking a pen out and handling it to the brunette, “Impress me, Kang Yuchan.”

 

      It would be a lie if Yuchan would say that he’s confident, he was worried that he might fail as anxiety kept on trying to drag him down but he forced himself to think about happy thoughts and stuff that makes him smile. Cat paws, cute puppies, poenies, macaroons, his manga collection, seeing the sunrise, feeling the summer breeze, singing, dancing, pudding, Jun—Yuchan gasped when a certain male appeared in his thoughts yet it somehow sparked a flame on his burning dedication and held the pen as if he is writing. He held it as if his life depended on it yet at the first minute and thirty-five second, his hand is staring to tremble so he bit his lips as he held it tight. He held it while thinking of Jun and the male’s singing voice until three minutes passed and Chan took the pen from him.

 

      “I guess that I need a lot of training,” Yuchan muttered as he chuckled.

      “You did well, Yuchan-sshi.” Chan said as he gave the items to Yuchan, “Here you go. You deserve an award.”

      Yuchan held the sketchbook and traced it with his somehow unresponsive fingers, feeling the tingles and spark whenever he’s excited before holding it and smiling really wide before looking at Chan, “Thank you.”

      “Don’t sweat it, kiddo. You deserve that,” Chan said as he ruffled the younger boy’s hair, “Besides, that can help you to train yourself during your spare time. The most important thing is to make your hands move, right?”

      Yuchan nods, “I’ll do my best.”

      “I know, Yuchan-sshi. I know.” Chan was delighted to see Yuchan like a little kid that received a gift, the therapist saw how the boy looked so alive unlike the boy that he has been helping for the past eleven days.

 

      Yuchan went back to his room alone for the first time, depending on the walking aid while the art materials were at the shoulder bag that Chan gave to him. He was so excited to try and sketch once again, he knew that it’ll be a hard one and that is the reason of the fear he’s currently feeling—the fear of seeing his artworks looking like a piece of garbage.

 

      But as he returned to his room, he was greeted by Jun that was sitting on the same spot where he sat last night. Yuchan remembered what happened last night once again and he felt his heart bounced a bit as he felt like his cheeks were heating so he just nodded and closed the door before heading to his bed and sat on the edge of it.

 

     “Good afternoon, Yuchan.” Jun greeted once again, “How was the therapy?”

     “It was good,” Yuchan stated as he smiled a bit.

      Jun was kind of surprised to see the brunette being a bit weird, “You seem to be cheerful now.”

     “Well, I guess that I’m just in a good mood today.” Yuchan replied as he showed ths art materials to Jun, “And I’ll start on sketching again, though it would probably turn out a bit bad but at least I did my best.”

      “I guess that you’re right,” Jun said as he rested his head on both of his hands, “Can I watch you draw?”

      “W-Why?” Yuchan cursed himself mentally for stuttering because he thought that Jun looks too dazzling and he’s being mesmerized once again. The usual ‘adoring Jun while looking like a dumbass’ situation. Well, what’s new?

      “I just want to..” Jun said and smiled sheepishly, “And to probably look at you? Yuchan’s too handsome!”

      “W-What?!” Yuchan was sure that he is currently blushing right now and he blames the pinky violet-haired patient because of it.

      “I said that you’re handsome. That’s true, Yuchan’s so handsome. I bet that the one you like is so lucky!” Jun chirps as he poked Yuchan’s shoulder as he flashed a mischievous smirk, “What a lucky person that is.”

      “H-Hey!” Yuchan started to cover his face with both of his hands to hide the blush on his face.

      “My gosh! Yuchan’s blushing!” Jun laughs as he teased the younger boy.

 

      The way Jun laughs is too beautiful, just like how he sings and it’s driving Yuchan insane. This person is driving him crazy and intoxicated on this unknown feeling that he’s currently facing, he wants to scream that it was Jun that is the reason of the blush on his cheeks but he knew that it’s wrong—He likes Lee Suji, the popular girl in his uni. Not this dying patient that resembles the whole universe.

      “Stop it,” Yuchan said and pouted.

      Junhee stopped laughing and smiled, “I’m sorry. It’s just that seeing you a bit flustered makes me a bit amused, you’re too adorable.”

 

“I can’t believe that you’re teasing me,” Yuchan said while still pouting.

Jun ruffled the younger boy’s hair and grinned, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. Besides, what’s friendship without a little teasing and a bit of dissing?” Yuchan said as he adjusted himself until he’s leaning on the headboard, “I’m going to start on draw right now but, I really don’t know what to draw.”

Jun looked everywhere and shrugged, “I know. This place is so dull that it’s difficult to have any ideas on what you can draw. But I guess that it should be a thing that could make you remember about a certain thing that you adore?”

“Well, that would work.. I guess.” Yuchan replied, nodding in agreement.

“I’ll watch you, Yuchan. Do your best, sweetheart.” Jun said as he smiled until his eyes crinkled

 

Yuchan blushed again on the other male’s endearment and held the pencil before opening the sketchbook, he took a deep breath before closing his eyes and thinking about a thing that can remind him of something that he likes. Yet everything was a bit blurry, he remembered winning a dance competition with Byeongkwan before and received a trophy, he remembered how he got a reward because of one of his artworks that made him receive a medal because of it and all of the successful events of his life yet he still couldn’t find it.

 

But in all of the sudden, he suddenly thought of the stars around the dark sky—millions of stars along with asteroids, satellites, planets, black holes and a neverending meteorites. He thought about the universe that made him a bit nostalgic as if he had made someone his own universe, revolving around that person yet he couldn’t grasp on the actual situation. But all he remembers is that by looking at that person makes him crazy and catch his own breath. He felt so elated yet there’s a bit of fear because, in fact, he doesn’t know who is that certain someone.

 

And he suddenly looked at Jun which was looking at him, he made him remember how his day revolved around this boy. As if he is the sun while Jun is a planet that kept on revolving at him, just like how the four seasons change. The moment that he arrives is spring and when he talks, he makes Yuchan feel like it’s summer and when the brunette knew that Jun is a about to leave, it’s autumn and winter is the time when Jun bids his farewell for the day at him. Yet it made him anticipate for a new season, a new one with this patient with a pure heart. Or is it that he’s just overreacting and making everything a bit exaggerated.

 

So he just let himself draw, somehow grimacing when he couldn’t perfectly sketch but he kept on thinking about Jun and that certain someone that he finished on sketching something. It was a bit messy because there are times that his pencil would fall from his grasp and how his hand trembles but Yuchan made it well that despite it having a lot of mistakes, anyone can still see the thing that he drew clearly.

 

“I’m finished,” Yuchan mumbled as he showed it to the older boy, “W-What do you think?”

Yuchan was a bit worried as he looked at Jun’s expression but all he can see is the male’s smile and how his eyes somehow sparkled a bit “I-It’s a beautiful flower.”

“It’s not just a normal beautiful, this is called Cosmos. Derived from the actual Greek word that means an orderly universe, it means orderliness and tranquility. It’s also a love flower, giving it to someone means that he would walk with that person hand in hand, not wanting to let go of it,” Yuchan explained as Jun nods.

“Wow, that’s amazing. But why did you drew this?” Jun asked, tilting his head a bit.

“I really don’t know but I suddenly remembered something weird about it and some of my memories were regained again,” Yuchan said as he shrugged, “But I’m sure that whatever is related to Cosmos is a special thing.. or person.”

“I hope that you could find the real reason why, Yuchan.” Jun smiles, despite feeling a pang of pain on his chest.

Yuchan nodded as he looked at his drawing and smiled a bit, “I hope that I will. I want to find the fragments of my memories as soon as possible.”

“But what if there’s a certain memory that will just hurt you? What will you do? Besides, ignorance is bliss.” Jun said as he forced a smile, feeling a bit nervous.

Yuchan shook his head, “I won’t do anything to preven myself on remembering it, whatever that memory is, either good or bad, it is a part of me and I want to find it.”

Jun doesn’t know what to feel but he forced himself to keep on smiling as he look at Yuchan, “Such a stubborn brat. But I really hope that you can find it.”

 

But deep inside his mind, he kept on wishing to prevent Yuchan on remembering it. It’s better if he’ll be unaware, tranquility might be kind—but tranquility is also a lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> should i discontinue this or should i still write this? there's still eighteen chapters left and it's getting worse.. i don't know what to do anymore.. a a a a a a a a a a a


	10. d-17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suji visited Yuchan and he immediately confessed to the girl, but Yebin, one of his nurse, ruined the mood. Also, one of his upperclassman, Rayoon seems to know something about his past. 
> 
> But if Yuchan likes Suji, then why is having these weird feeling to Jun?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i've added yebin, suji and rayoon. idk why, but i really need to since i have to focus on yuchan's recovery and for some hints about jun. : (
> 
>  
> 
> also.. have you seen the low-quality teaser that kbs released for unb's euijin and chan?! cause boi, i am n o t okay : ( yuchan being r0od once again AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHERE'S MY PRECIOUS BABY--

      Yuchan isn’t just getting better on his body but also on his mental health, he kept on dreaming about memories that is still a bit blurry for him. But all he could remember is someone that he visits on a certain place, but he couldn’t recall who is that person. He remembered all of the embrace, stolen kisses, hand intertwined, and even him resting on that person’s shoulder but he still couldn’t know a thing about that person, as if something was blocking him from remembering that person.

      He remembered painting that person and smiling in relief whenever it turn out good, Yuchan might not be able to remember that person but he’s certain that the person is a beautiful one. Because Yuchan never smiles like that if his ‘muse’ wasn’t a bizzare beauty. So since he could draw a bit—just a little messy for now but he needs to be optimistic and thankful because he can draw now, he drew of the things that is related to the beautiful stranger.

      Starting from the cosmos flower, he drew the night sky filled with stars as he remembered from one of his dreams that the stranger is his ‘star’ in the night sky that shines bright on one of his dark days, because a ‘sun’ like Yuchan can also have one of their days that they couldn’t shine so bright. Yuchan thought that what the stranger said was sweet and thoughtful so he’s probably an intelligent one; he also drew a necklace with a weird symbol in it, he saw it in one of his dreams and it seems like he’s the one who gave it to that stranger, that necklace seems to be an important one. So for now, the clues that he have is a cosmos flower, the star and also, the necklace.

      But there’s still a lot of stuff that he doesn’t know about that person, it could be Suji. It could be her since she's the one that Yuchan likes, he started to feel like this when she smiled at him at the first time they spoke—because of Byeongkwan and his wide social circle, the female was way too beautiful to be true, a beautiful ‘muse’ that he could draw anytime he wants to.

      Yuchan murmured, “I bet that it’s probably Suji. I’m sure about it.”

      In all of the sudden, the door opened and revealed one of the nurse that was assigned to him, it revealed the dazzling nurse that everyone adores, Baek Yebin, that’s her name. With voice that is as sweet as honey yet when it comes to Yuchan, she’s a bit snobbish and a bit cold. She looked at Yuchan with a piercing stare that could stab the younger male to death.

 

      “You have a visitor,” Yebin said, not batting an eye on him.

      “Did that visitor said a name or something?” Yuchan asks, smiling at the lady in front of the door.

      Yebin seems to be shocked with the boy’s sudden change of attitude and tried her best not to looked surprised but her expression failed her “Oh, you seem to be doing well. I see.”

      “Why? Is there something wrong with it?” Yuchan asks again, chuckling at the nurse’s shocked expression.

      Yebin scoffs, “Nothing. Nothing at all.” Yuchan is a bit curious because the nurse gritted her teeth as she said those words in a cold tone, as if she’s trying to imply something about it.

      “Can you let the visitor in?” Yuchan asked.

      Yebin sighs and nodded, “Fine. But I’ll be back in an hour to take you to your therapist.”

      Yuchan nodded and smiled again, “Thank you, Yebin-sshi.”

     “Why do I have to be one of the nurse that is in charge of you?” The way she said it makes Yuchan think that she’s mad at him but the nurse sighed as she shook her head in annoyance “Whatever. I’m outta here.”

      Rude. That is what Yuchan thinks as Yebin opened the door and slammed it but it opened a bit as an unexpected person entered and smiled at him, he didn’t expect this person to visit him at all. He felt like he was drowning and he forgot to breathe, the person in front of him placed a basket of fruits on the desk as she sat on the chair beside Yuchan’s bed. 

 

      “Yuchan, how are you?” Yuchan was still shocked and looked at her with widened eyes.

     “I didn’t expect that you’ll be visiting me, Suji.” Yuchan said as he tried to fix his hair and looked down, “I-I probably looked like a mess right now. I bet that I look ugly. Darn!”

     “Yuchan, stop that. You’re not ugly at all,” Suji stated as she chuckled on Yuchan’s silly antics.

      “I should’ve prepared myself a bit,” Yuchan whined.

      Suji shook her head and crossed her arms, “I really want to visit you and Byeongkwan said that they might not visit you today since they’re being piled up by the requirements so I took the opportunity.”

      “T-Thank you for visiting me,” Yuchan said as he avoided her gaze.

     “Oh my, you’re still the bashful Yuchan that I know. I’m worried that you might forget me,” Suji stated as she sighed in relief, “So, how are you?”

     “I’m doing fine, I guess?” Yuchan answered hesitantly, raising an eyebrow “I’m still having my daily therapy since I couldn’t move my body that well, they’re also checking my health so I’ll probably be discharged after a month.”

      “It’s a good thing that you’re getting better, Yuchan.” Suji smiled at him and it made the younger boy blush, attractive people smiling is his weakness “You’re still a dork.”

      “W-Well, you’re too beautiful..” Yuchan mumbled as he looked down, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks.

     “You’ve told me that a lot of times but isn’t your star the most beautif—” Suji suddenly gasped and covered her mouth as Yuchan looked at her in confusion.

     “What?” Yuchan asked, tilting his head a bit.

     Suji shook her head furiously, “N-No! It’s nothing!”

      “Suji, do you know something about the accident that I’ve been involved?” Yuchan couldn’t keep his composure and asked Suji, he knew that Suji would definitely tell him.

      Suji averted her gaze from her friend and bit her lip as she mentally scolds herself for being too careless before taking a deep breath and looked at Yuchan, “You see—I couldn’t tell you anything about that but all I can say is that you were in a hurry to went in a certain place because of something.. then shit happened, I guess?”

     “In a hurry?” Yuchan’s confused, bloody confused. Why would he be in a hurry for something? Is it something important? But heck, it’s probably important because he wouldn’t even hurry if it wasn’t.

      “T-That’s all that I can say for now, the rest is up to you if you’ll remember them or not,” Suji said as she clasped her hands, “But the trauma that it caused you seems to be blocking those memories, Yuchan.”

      “There wasn’t much memories that was erased from my mind, aside from visiting a certain place every month and meeting someone..” Yuchan said and shrugged.

 

      Suji immediately felt a pang of pain from what he heard and she wants to slap this boy in front of him, she wants him to man up and remember everything. But she forced a smiled and tried to change the topic of their conversation, in which she was able to do.

 

      “S-Suji, can I take you out to dinner once I’m out of here?” Yuchan asks.

      Suji shrugged, “I don’t know. If I’m free on that time, why not?”

     “T-Thank you,” Yuchan said as he looked at Suji.

      He was expecting his heart to jump ot for him to be so flustered but he wasn’t, it was waaay different on what he feel about Jun. He felt a bit uncomfortable on the thought and shook it off quickly and smiled at Suji. Yet he was wondering why he’s not that elated and thought if there’s something wrong with him.

 

      “Hey, Suji. I would like to tell you something..” Yuchan was a bit hesitant but he have to tell her as soon as possible.

     “What is it about, Yuchan?” Suji asked, blinking twice in confusion.

     Yuchan gripped on the sheets as he took a deep breath, “About you..about me.. about us..”

     “Oh, is there something wrong with our friendship?” Suji asked, furrowing her eyebrows as concern was painted on her face.

     “Suji, I like you. I really like you,” Yuchan said as his heart felt heavier with every word that hs says, “I like you more than how a friend should..”

     “Oh.” Suji looked a bit surprised and was about to say something when the door slammed open “What is i—”

     “Out. Out now!” Yebin was fuming, glaring at both of them while clenching her fists. She had been listening from outside and she couldn’t take it anymore.

     “Why?” Suji asked.

     Yebin gave her an icy stare, “I said out, the patient should be at the therapy room by now. Leave.”

     Suji wants to explain but it seems like the nurse was too angry that she just sighed and looked at Yuchan with a sad smile “I should be going now.”

     “But wait, Suji. Your answer to my confessi—”

     “Let’s talk about it soon, not now.”

     Suji gave an apologetic look to Yebin before walking out of the room, Yebin was still glaring at Yuchan and he’s mad at her too. She just kicked his visitor out of his room and screamed at them as if they did something wrong. Yuchan wished that it should’ve been Junyoung that is in charge of him for now.

     “What is that about?” Yuchan asked, trying to prevent himself on shouting on the nurse.

    “You know what? You’re such a jerk, after all of the disaster that you’ve caused, after you broke that person’s heart and made him sacrifice a lot of things to you, this is how you’ll repay him?!” Yebin shouted at him as she kept on clenching her fists, “You’re such a jerk! You don’t deserve this!’

 

     Yebin dashed away from the room and it made Yuchan wonder, he was mad, but Yebin’s outburst intrigued him. The nurse wouldn’t say something like that if he didn’t do a thing that will make her like that. But he sighed as he tried to stand and walked little steps until he gripped on his walking aid, with the help of the equipment, he was able to arrive at the therapy room where Chan was sitting on his swivel chair while reading his record book.

      “Hello,” Yuchan greeted Chan which immediately dropped his record book and looked at the patient’s direction.

      Chan furrowed his eyebrows, “Hello, but where is Yebin-sshi?”

      “She screamed at me then ran off somehwere, she looked so pissed.” Yuchan replied.

      “Yebin is such a sweet girl, why would she do that to you?” Chan asked.

      Yuchan shrugged, “Even I don’t know the answer to that question.”

     “So, aside from Yebin, can I ask about your condition? How can you draw for now?” Chan asked again.

     “I can draw but it’s really a messy one, I barely make mistakes on my works.” Yuchan said, still smiling “But it’ll improve.”

     “That’s the spirit,” Chan said and chuckled.

 

      As usual, Chan helped Yuchan especially on his hands. He let Yuchan hold a lot of random items and observed if he’ll be able to hold it and move his hands, some had failed and fell on the group but Yuchan managed to hold some items. Yuchan was making improvement and Chan is satisfied with it so he let him train himself until their session ended, Yuchan thanking the therapist before going back to his room.

 

      “Yuchan!” The brunette stopped on his tracks and looked behind him, Jun was running on his direction while waving his hands.

      “Are you even allowed to run?” Yuchan asked as worry was splatered around his face.

       Jun raised his hands and did a thumbs up while nodding, “I’m okay!”

      Yuchan couldn’t help but feel the same weird emotion that was overwhelming in his chest along with the butterflies on his stomach “I-I’ll be going back to my room, want to walk with me?”

      Jun nods, “Sure.”

 

 

      Both of them walked beside each other, Yuchan looked at Jun’s hands—they looked so soft yet too thin that Yuchan could probably break it with just one poke. Jun is just like a glass sculpture, too beautiful, yet too fragile. A piece of art that should be held with gentleness and care.

 

     But Yuchan was about to arrive near the hallway where his hospital room is when he saw a familiar boy that was walking, the blonde boy seems to be in deep thought while staring at the ground. That boy was one of Yuchan’s upperclassman, Rayoon. He was wondering why Rayoon was in this floor, this is for the private rooms—is he going to visit someone?

 

      “Rayoon-sshi!” Rayoon stopped walking and looked at Yuchan’s direction so he waved his left hand, “Hello.”

 

     Rayoon was about to say something when Yuchan saw Yebin walking to his direction and smiled at Rayoon, Rayoon smiled back as he gave Yebin the bouquet of flowers. Yuchan scratched his head and wondered if the two of them were lovers or something more than that.

 

      “What brings you here, Rayoon-sshi?” Yuchan asked and smiled.

      “Just visiting someone,” Rayoon’s tone is somehow stern and cold.

      “Is it Yebin?” Yuchan asks, tilting his head.

      “It’s none of your business,” Yebin said in an icy tone before looking at Rayoon, “Let’s get out of here as soon as possible.”

      Rayoon nods before giving Yuchan a sidelong glance filled with concern and a glint of anger, “I hope that you’re doing fine, Yuchan. I’ll be waiting for the day that you’ll be aware of everything and you’ll be crying your heart out.”

      “What?” Yuchan’s eyes widened as he looked at Rayoon in disbelief, “H-Have I done something wrong?”

       “It’s not just like that. It’s just that you fucked up,” Rayoon said before turning hi back on the younger boy, “Is is not comfortable for you, to live in such comfort?”

 

      Yuchan was about to say something when they walked away from Yuchan, leaving him confused and a bit hurt because of how they treated him. He doesn’t know what’s happening, at least, tell him what he did wrong. But no, they gave him the cold shoulder and made him uneasy.

 

      “Yuchan?” Yuchan looked at Jun “Are you alright?”

      “I don’t know..” Yuchan muttered, looking at the ground.

       “You’re probably upset, don’t worry, you’re still trying to get your memories back. You can talk to them about it and apologize to them when you can fully remember it,okay?” Jun said and cupped the boy’s cheeks, making Yuchan blush because of their small distance, letting him see Jun really close.

      “This is uncomfortable,” Yuchan said as took a step backward, making Jun flinch.

       “L-Let’s just go back to your room,” Jun suggested and Yuchan nods.

 

      The two walked in silence as they looked straight on their path, Yuchan was surprised when Jun suddenly intertwined their hands. It sent him tingles and the sudden elated feeling is back and rising up from his chest until it seems to block his lungs. He looked at the pinky violet-haired male which is still smiling as he kept on walking, it made Yuchan crazy—he wants to let go of Jun’s hand but at the same time, he doesn’t want everything to end.

 

 

He doesn’t even know if this is love or is it just Jun is making him uncomfortable because he’s weir--unique?

 

 

They stopped when they entered Yuchan's room as the brunette turned the switch up an the whole room lights up, he immediately went to his bed and lied down as Jun sat on the chair where Suji sat a while ago. No one said a word, they just kept on looking at each other. Yuchan, however, is losing on this battle, it’s like Jun is drawning him closer to him. He’s afraid that being too close to Jun might make him do things that could end their friendship—Yuchan felt scared despite the feeling is too intoxicating.

 

 

“Hey, Yuchan. Aren’t you tired?” Jun asks and he shook his head, making the pinky violet-haired male tilt his head a bit, “But it’s too painful. You’ve been through a lot of painful things, how could you shake your head like that?”

“Well, thousands of people are being brought to hospitals. Some are badly hurt and some are fighting for their lives. I’m still blessed that I’m doing well right now, Jun. That is why I don't complain about life, there are people out there who are struggling just to become alive,” Yuchan replied as he took the sketchbook beside him, “It’s too painful but everyone has been through painful things an they’ve managed to overcome it, that is why I have to be strong. I’ve been wasting my days on being that hopeless kid, I’m trying to regain my old self—the one that kept on trying.”

Yuchan saw Jun’s surprised look and the older male chuckled “That was a thoughtful response.”

“What do you expect? I have to be observant and to be open-minded in order to make a lot of masterpiece, most of them were from my thoughts, it’s just that my hands are the ones who create it in the empty canvas,” Yuchan said as he looked at his hands, “And there’s something weird that’s happening to me. I’m still worried about it.”

“Eh? What is it? Tell me,” Jun stated as he hugged his knees.

“I’m feeling weird things about someone, I don’t think that it’s love but the way I see that person smiling or even just looking at me drives me crazy. That person is too wonderful and my heart kept on pounding so loud that I’m worried that it might escape from my chest to give itself to that person,” Yuchan mumbled as he looked down, feeling embarassed because of confessing his thoughts and also because of saying it to the one that caused him to feel like this, he wouldn’t admit that though—because Yuchan kept on insisting that the one that he likes is Suji “I don’t know why but it’s too much and I kept on acting weird whenever I’m with that person.”

“That feeling, my friend, is love.” Jun said as he ruffled Yuchan’s hair, “Do you want to know why?”

Yuchan wanted to nod but he suddenly yawned, he was getting sleepy “Maybe tomorrow.”

“Okay, then.” Jun replied, chuckling at the boy’s cute expression “Do you want me to sing you a lullaby again?”

“You’re not my mom,” Yuchan said as he scoffed but smiled at Jun, “But yes, please.”

 

 

As Jun started to sing an another song, Yuchan felt so secured once again that it really makes him comfortable as if he had been experiencing this before. He just listened to Jun’s voice as he closed his eyes, blocking the negative thoughts and only thinking about the boy in front of him. 

 

Jun seems to know Yuchan and all of his antics but, why?

 

 

Junyoung was leaning on the wall beside Gwangsuk’s office, he saw Yebin was walking on his direction and glanced at the girl.

 

“Yebin, how’s work?” he asks.

Yebin rolled her eyes as she puffed her cheeks, “This is so unfair. I don’t want to take care of him, he makes me feel so mad.”

“You know that Jun might get mad at you for treating Yuchan like that, right?” Junyoung asked as he smiled a bit.

“I know,” Yebin looked down as she pouted, “But I couldn’t handle my own temper whenever I see that boy, and he.. he confessed to a girl a while ago.”

“What?” Junyoung widened his eyes.

“I heard it, he confessed to that girl who visited him. I was so mad that I kicked her out before walking away, he’s such a jerk!” Yebin stomped her right foot in annoyance.

“His memory is still mixed up, Yebin. Don’t worry, once that he remembers everything, he’ll regret that. And I think that he’s still confused, let’s give him some time.” Junyoung said in a calm tone as he patted the girl’s head.

“Is Gwangsuk-sshi preparing something for Yuchan?” Yebin asked as he took a peek on the doctor’s office.

Junyoung nodded, “We’ll be leaving some items in Yuchan’s room that will trigger his emotions.”

“I see.” Yebin sighs, “Yuchan doesn’t deserve Jun at all.”

“But for Jun, Yuchan was his everything.” Junyoung said as he chuckled, “Hey, did you even know that Jun kept on visiting Yuchan everyday?”

“What?!” Yebin widened her eyes as she looked at Junyoung in disbelief.

“Yuchan said it, Jun kept on visiting him everyday. Even Gwangsuk hyung is surprised to hear that,” Junyoung said as he put his hands inside his pockets, “Well, stuff like these happens to hospitals..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm still thinking if i should continue this or nah, but fuck it, i'll just go with the flow haha


	11. d-15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nice dream and some fragments of Yuchan's lost memories were retrieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um.. i didn't expect that i would be writing this but yuchan's unb teaser TRIGGERED me to write this and aaaaaaaaa it's too lame, sorry that you have to read this ; -; 
> 
> only fifteen chapters left, i guess. a lot of revelations and unexpected scenes will happen so.. i guess that y'all should prepare? idk.. sorry for the grammatical error in this chap.

      “Hey, what are you doing?” A voice asked as Yuchan was reading a magazine.

      “Reading,” Yuchan replied as he kept his gaze on the magazine.

      The male went beside him and looked at the magazine as he sat beside Yuchan, “Look at those tattoos! They look so badass!”

     “Badass? Who told you that word?” Yuchan raised an eyebrow as he pursed his lips.

      “It’s Binbin! She said that people who have tattoos and wear leather jackets were badass!” The male chirps as he leaned on Yuchan’s shoulder.

      Yuchan closed the magazine and stared at the male that was leaning beside him as he smiled, silently admiring how handsome he is “Don’t listen to her, it wasn’t that correct at all.”

      “Binbin doesn’t lie,” The male pouted and looked at Yuchan which was smiling at him, making him blush as he averted his gaze on the brunette “W-Why are you looking like that?”

      “Nothing. It’s just that you’re too cute and handsome especially when you’re too close to me,” Yuchan replied.

      The male just blushed furiously and it made Yuchan chuckle on how he can make this male too flustered by complimenting him, “H-Hey, Yuchan? Isn’t tattoos art too? I mean they can be considered as an art, right?”

      Yuchan nodded, “Yes.”

      “Don’t you think that they’re beautiful?” The male asked, “I mean, it’s like imprinting a symbol or word in your body that will never be erased. It’ll stay with you until the end, permanent stuff are beautiful.”

       “I think so,” Yuchan said as he intertwined their hands.

       They’ve been close since the first time that they met, it’s been six years since they kept on hanging out every month. But as Yuchan turned seventeen, monthly visits turned into weekly and Yuchan became this male's daily visitor, stopping by everyday after his classes or during his free time. They just let it be, let their friendship grow until what they’re feeling for each other turned into something intimate—yet no one tried to say a word about, both were too afraid to make a move. 

      Yuchan fell for the boy in the first time he saw him and he had been this lovesick for six years. He’s now a nineteen-year old boy with a height of a giant, said the male that kept on visiting him. Yet he didn’t want to take a step further because he’s afraid—afraid of seeing this beauty fall and break just like any glass sculpture. So instead of holding him, he tried his best to keep his feelings to himself.

       “Yuchan, I think that you might look good with tattoos in your body,” The male said and grinned, “But the Yuchan in front of me is the best Yuchan.”

      “Do you want to see me having one?” Yuchan asks, being that lovestruck idiot that would do anything to see the person in front of him happy.

       The male’s face was painted with concern, “Y-You don’t need to do it, I mean.. having one will have to go into a painful proccess, right? I don’t want you to get hurt because of my selfish requests.”

       Yuchan felt like his heart is about to jump and tried to keep his composure by just smiling, “Don’t worry. It won’t be painful, please anticipate for it tomorrow.”

       “Are you sure?” The male looked down and started   
fidgeting.

      Yuchan pecked his cheek and nodded, “Yes.”

       “I’m sorry.”

       “Why?”

       “I d-don’t deserve you at all, you’re too carefree, hyper, bright, intelligent, handsome and you’re admired by a lot of people. I feel so tiny whenev er I’m next to you, I feel so out of place. You deserve to hang out with people like you more, not with someone like me. Not someone that is..” The male seems to be trying to stop himself on blurting out a word that will hurt both of them “...dying.”

       “No! Don’t say that!” Yuchan immediately cupped the male’s cheeks as he shook his head, “Don’t talk as if you’re giving up already.”

      “But that’s the truth.”

      “Hey, let’s not talk about this. It’s starting to get uncomfortable,” Yuchan said as he brushed the hair on the male’s forehead and tucked it into his left ear “Just anticipate for a new side of Kang Yuchan!”

       The male just nodded and Yuchan wanted to embrace this person to take all of the doubt and pain away yet he still looks as beautiful as he is, making Yuchan's heart pound louder, making him feel so suffocated yet intoxicated in it. Yuchan wanted this person to smile, because his smile is probably Yuchan’s favorite—a pure smile.

 

       So he went home and prepared himself, he even called his friends to seek some advice; with Donghun already labelling him as a weirdo and with Byeongkwan freaking out because their ‘baby’ is about to become a deliquent, Sehyoon is the only person that gave him a decent advice and he thanked the older boy for not overreacting or judging him. He went to the store that Sehyoon said and immediately bought the item that he needed, somehow wondering why Sehyoon knew such a store like this exist.

 

        He went to Sehyoon’s place and brought some of the items that he bought, but didn’t expect Byeongkwan and Donghun to be there; Donghun snickering while Byeongkwan kept on mumbling about Yuchan. The jet-black haired male just sighed and gestured the younger to the swivel chair in front of a mirror, he was thankful that Sehyoon studied Cosmetology during high school. What a lifesaver.

       “So, what kind of haircut do you want?” Sehyoon asked.

       “Dibs on bald,” Donghun said.

       “No, Yuchan isn’t like that! Yuchan wouldn’t have a hairstyle like that! Hell no!” Byeongkwan complained.

      Yuchan sighed, “Just cut it a bit. An undercut should be fine.”

       “I see,” Sehyoon said as he took the comb and scissors, “I’m going to use a razor later, I hope that you aren’t afraid of it.”

       “No!” Yuchan chirps.

      Liars suck. Yuchan was really trembling when Sehyoon started to use the razor to cut his hair but he bit his lips and kept his composure. It was really painful to watch especially to Sehyoon so he rushed it and after brushing Yuchan's hair, he tapped the younger boy.

       “No, huh?” Sehyoon teased and smirked.

      “N-No..” Yuchan barely even spoke because he was still trembling, he was kind of afraid of sharp things.

      “Calm down, Chan. It’s already over, so.. we’re going to dye your hair, right?” Sehyoon asked as he took the hairdye out of the plastic and furrowed his eyebrows “Oh.”

      “Yuchan looks cool,” Donghun said as he nodded in approval, “Way better than your bowl cut.”

      “What color is it, Yoon?! Our Chanie wouldn’t choose a bizzare hair color, right? Tell me, Yoonie! I need to know!” Byeongkwan kept on screaming and Sehyoon sighed.

       “Just chill, Kwan. It’s just a lighter shade of his current color, don’t overreact. Heck, you’re not even his mom!” Sehyoon said as he looked at Yuchan, “Are we going to start now?”

      Yuchan nodded, “Yes,please.”

      “You ‘do’ know that it’s already 11P.M. and I want to have my good night sleep,” Sehyoon said as he put his hands into his hips.

      “Please?” Yuchan gave it his best shot, pouting while showing off his puppy-dog eyes.

       Sehyoon groaned, “Damn it. Fine.”

       Yuchan grinned, “Thank you, Sehyoon hyung!”

 

      With the help of his hyungs, he was finally able to accomplish one of his goals. Now, what’s left is to prepare for tomorrow but heck, the roots of his hair hurt. He was too excited that he barely even slept and as the sun rises from the east, he immediately bounced out his bed and started to prepare himself. Too sleepy yet his excitement got the best of him.

 

      Most of the hospital staff were busy but two nurses stopped on their tracks as they looked at Yuchan which was currently walking at the hallway, one was having a confused look while the other one was having a judgemental one.

 

      “Hey, Yukjun. Is he on drugs or something?” The female nurse asked.

     The male nurse shrugged, “I don’t know, Binbin.”

      “Should we follow him, he might be on drugs!” Binbin exclaimed.

      “We’d rather not,” Yukjun said as he chuckled, “But hey, he looks so badass in that outfit.”

 

      The male was currently reading when the door opened and as he looked at its direction, the male gasped. He couldn’t believe what he’s currently seeing right now, Yuchan wearing a black leather jacket with a sleeveless shirt underneath it yet what took the boy’s attention was the words and symbols imprinted on the boy’s nape along with the boy’s short brown hair, dyed in a lighter shade and was messed up yet it looks so in place.

 

       “H-Hello?” The male greeted him

       “Told you that I’ll show you a different side of me,” Yuchan said as he smirked.

       The male nods and chuckled, “You look so cool.”

       “Do I?” Yuchan asked and smiled a bit.

       “Yes and you changed your hairstyle, it made you look a bit mature,” The male stated as he ran his hand on the younger boy’s hair down to his nape, somehow wincing, “D-Does it hurt?”

      Yuchan chuckled and shook his head, “These were just fake tattoos, you can easily remove them by scraping it off or scrubbing it. I know that you don’t like to see me get hurt so I chose the one with less pain.”

      “Thank goodness, I was so worried.” The male sighed in relief.

 

      Yuchan laughed a bit before ruffling the older male’s blonde hair as he removed his leather jacket, walking up to the window and opening it a bit, smiling as the sunlight hits his face. The male looked at Yuchan as if he’s the most beautiful person that he saw, he loves seeing Yuchan so bright as he smiles—as if Yuchan is there to push away the darkness that surrounds him, feeling so secured and warm.

 

      Yuchan glanced at the male, “Hmm?”

      “Yuchan, you’re so handsome.” The male said as he smiled, “You’re still handsome even if you changed your style a bit. I don’t pay attention to the physical attributes that much, I love the caring and bright Yuchan that is in front of me.”

      “You’re too sweet,” Yuchan said as he yawned and stretched his arms a bit.

      “You looked so tired,” The male commented, furrowing his eyebrows a bit.

      “Haven’t slept a wink, got too excited on surprising you.” Yuchan said as he giggled, “It’s definitely worth it.”

      “Hey, please rest.” The male said as he moved a bit and tapped on the space of the bed, “Why don’t you sleep for a while?”

       “But I want to play with you!” Yuchan whines.

       The blonde male chuckled, “Come on, Yuchan. I’ve heard from Binbin that sleeping with a badass person feels so good!”

       “W-What?!” Yuchan swore that he is blushing furiously right now as he start to diss ‘Binbin’ on corrupting this pure creature.

      “Is there something wrong?”

       Yuchan shook his head “N-Nothing at all!”

       “What are you waiting for? I’m kind of sleepy too, let’s cuddle!” The male said as he flashed a sheepishly grin.

      Yuchan nods, “You really like cuddles.”

 

       Yuchan took his shoes off and went to the bed, feeling a bit elated on the small distance that they have. The male smiled at him as he wrapped his arms and legs around Yuchan and Yuchan did the same, cuddling isn’t new for them. It happens often, whenever this male is having nightmares or whenever they feel like doing it as they enjoy each other’s embrace and closeness. Yuchan yawned as he took one last glance of the male that is leaning on his chest, silently snoring before drifting to his own dream. Somehow hoping that this male is with him there, too.

      When the two nurse decided to check on the male if Yuchan didn’t killed him or something, they were surprised to see both of the male asleep while on each other’s embrace. They can see how they were in comfort as if being beside each other is their haven. They just smiled and closed the door, letting the two male have their fun.

 

••••••••••

 

      As Yuchan opened his eyes, he was welcomed by the blinding light and also by Jun which was looking at him in surprise.

       “Good morning.”

       Yuchan smiled, “Good morning, indeed.”

       “Why? Did you had a great dream?” Jun asked, tilting his head a bit.

        Yuchan nodded, “Yes.”

        “Spill the tea!” Jun said as he clasped his hands, “You have to tell me about it!”

 

      “It’s a wonderful one, that is all I could tell.” Yuchan said.

       Jun pouted and playfully glared at the brunette, “You didn’t tell me everything!”

      “Well, it’s a secret.” Yuchan said as he winked.

      “What a tease,” Jun muttered before looking at the desk, “By the way, Junyoung dropped by and left a..  little box?”

      “Huh? Where is it?” Yuchan asked.

      Jun pointed at the desk, “He left it there.”

 

       Yuchan looked at the desk beside his bed and took the little box, by the looks of it, it’s probably filled with an accessory. As he opened the box, he wasn't expecting to see a familiar object—a pendant with a weird symbol engraved in it.

       “W-What?” Yuchan widened his eyes and in all of the sudden, his head hurts like hell.

       “Y-Yuchan, what’s happening?” He can hear Jun’s voice but the pain on his head was too much that it blocks off Jun’s voice.

 

        A surge of memories suddenly appeared and he remembered something, something related to his accident—how he looked too pale and terrified as he was on a bus, clutching his sketchbook as if his life depended on it before hearing a loud screech as everything blacked out. He also remembered hearing a voice that seems to be familiar yet he couldn’t recognize who it was.

 

 

••••••••

 

As Yuchan’s eyes fluttered open, he felt so weak yet there seems to be a driving force that keeps him awake. He could hear an ongoing ‘beep’ and he couldn’t even move a muscle but as he looked at his right, he saw a person that kept on crying while looking at him. He thought that the person was too beautiful because despite the tears running down on its face, a smile was seen.

 

“Yuchan, do you hear me? I bet that you do, I.. just want to say that I’m really sorry for everything. I guess that I really don’t deserve you at all,” That person said as it sobbed, “But hey, can I ask you something? It’s more like a favor.”

“When you wake up, I’ll be hiding somewhere and it’s your obligation to find me. And when you find me, chase me. Chase me until we’re out of the hospital, until we’re free— I’m the one that is chased and you’re the chaser. Is that clear?” 

“You probably couldn't understand it but I’ll remind you a bit, you’ll remember me. And I know that you can find me, I’ll be waiting for you.”

“And after chasing me out of here, tell me your reply on what I’m about to say.”

 

“I love you, Kang Yuchan.”

“Loving you is the best thing that happened to me and I’ll treasure it forever, you were my everything and I would give you everything that I’ve got, that is how I love you. My heart can prove it to you, I think that it’s a coincidence how my heart seems to be it’s destined to be given to you. To receive all of my love. So please do your best and fight for your life, you deserve the whole world. You deserve all of the brighness and happiness, you deserve to reach the sky and to achieve your dreams. So please fight it, Yuchan. I’ll be waiting,okay?”

“See you soon, Yuchan. I’ll be waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this fic! i'm really thankful of y'all, please leave a comment ^^ i really like to see a lot of them since it is my driving force xD


	12. d-15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp, this is prolly the longest chap that i wrote for this fic.. i guess? sorry for the late update, i've been hooked into playing kairosoft games once again while lacking confidence on this update. : ]
> 
>  
> 
> thank you for all of the comments, i really appreciated it! ^ ^ this chap is gonna be messy, i'm sorry for the errors ;;

        As Yuchan opened his eyes, the first thing that he saw was Junyoung looking at him with a worried expression. He looked around and realized that Jun wasn’t around anymore.

        “Hey there, Yuchan. You were unconcious for a day,” Junyoung said as he smiled.

        “What?” Yuchan was surprised.

        Junyoung sighed, “You were unconcious for the whole day, I mean yesterday. It seems that your memories had been triggered by something.”

         “By something..” Yuchan frowned as he tried to remember what happened yesterday before gasping “The necklace!”

         “You mean, this necklace?” Junyoung showed him the little box where the necklace is, which made him nod “This is your necklace, Yuchan.”

         “M-Mine?” Yuchan asks, eyes squinting as he kept on looking on the necklace.

         “Well, it’s up to you if you’ll remember this or not. But remember that there’s someone that is waiting for you to remember,” Junyoung said as he gave the tiny box to Yuchan and smiled, “Byungcha—I mean, Chan said that you should skip the therapy for today because you need to rest yourself. But if you want to walk around, you’re allowed to do that. Just don’t go near the room 0602.”

         Yuchan tilted his head a bit, “And why is that?”

         “You’ll thank me for the warning, but please listen to my advice.” Junyoung said as he left the tray filled with Yuchan’s meal for lunch, “Yebin will be here in two hours to get the tray.”

        Yebin. That girl is somehow shady, as if she knows something, or worse, a lot about Yuchan and his past. The girl seems to dislike him a lot that she lashed out on him and also Suji. She ruined Yuchan’s ideal confession to the girl. But there must be something that made her do that, right?

        “Junyoung, does Yebin hates me?” He asked.

         Junyoung seems to be taken by surprise as he looked at Yuchan but shrugged, “Probably. Why did you ask?”

         “It seems like she hates me, she isn’t that cheerful and sweet just like how you and Chan hyung described her, she’s always glaring at me and being cold. She even ruined my moment as I confessed to the girl that I like,” Yuchan said as he huffed, “I feel like I’ve done something bad to her but at the same time, I’m also irritated at her.”

        “Well, Yebin is a sweet girl. But you’re somehow right, that’s why I told you to do your best to remember the forgotten memories. Collect them all before it’s too late,” Junyoung said as he crossed his arms, “And just like what I’ve, someone out there is waiting for you to remember.”

        “Who?” Yuchan asked.

        “That’s your obligation, to know who that person is and why,” Junyoung stated as he grinned, “I should be going now, Yuchan. Rest well, alright?”

         Junyoung quickly left his room and his words made Yuchan wonder, it was too suspicious. What is the real reason why Yebin dislikes him? Who is the one that is waiting for him? What’s on room 0602? He sighs as he took the tray and ate his lunch, he had been unconcious for a day and he have to walk around to help his legs on adjusting to his own weight with the help of the walking aid.

         But before Yuchan decided to take a stroll around this floor, he took his sketchbook and the pencil as he tried to draw one of the things that he noticed on his dreams. The hallway with a transparent glass beside it as the window, showing the buildings and the skies. He noticed that it was in front of an office, an office of a certain doctor. The walls and ceilings were painted by white yet there are some splatters of pink, purple, and blue on the door of the office.

         Yuchan made sure to draw and color it based on what he saw on one of his dreams and sighed in contentment when he finished his work despite being a bit messy on the coloring part since his hands were somehow betraying him but it turned out to be just fine. Yuchan traced his fingers on his work, feeling a bit of warmth as he remembered a bit from his dream. He saw someone that took his breath away in this place.

          “I will find that person,” Yuchan muttered as he nodded before flipping it to the next page then looked at the necklace, “This necklace seems to be familiar but why?”

         Yuchan suddenly remembered the room that he entered in one of his dreams, the ceiling wasn't white, it was coated with the same color of the night sky while there are stars everywhere, some were constellations while some were blackholes. Yet everything shines, in their own color, in their own way. Aside from that, there’s a lot of machines around the hospital bed where Yuchan’s unknown person has been lying at, complicated machines that seems to check up on that person's condition. Also, the white walls were filled with splattered paint that consists of pink, purple, and blue. As if it isn’t a normal hospital room at all, as if it was colored because the one that stays in it was someone special. If Yuchan would look onto it closer, he would see a blurred signature of two names written in one of the walls.

         “This should be enough for now,” Yuchan said as he smiled before closing the sketchbook, “I’ll find you.”

          Yuchan suddenly remembered how that person made the one-sided promise and smiled, that person must’ve cherished Yuchan a lot. He was thankful and it made him more motivated than he is, motivated on finding that unknown person. He remembered that he should be the ‘chaser’ while that unknown person is that one that he should chase. And now, Yuchan is going to start the chasing. He will chase his forgotten memories and once that he compiles it all, it’ll be the key for him to open the door on where that person is. He’ll catch that person and won’t let go, never letting it run away so he can chase it once again and saying the words that he should say.

          “Don’t worry, I’ll find you. Soon.” Yuchan said as he looked around, as if he’s talking to someone that can’t be seen.

        Yuchan stood up and tried to walk up to his walking aids without leaning on something for support and with a lot of stumbling, he managed to arrive at his destination and leaned on it before taking the shoulder bag that Chan gave him and put his art materials there. He immediately went out of his room and looked everywhere, it was really peaceful in this floor.

          “Yuchan! Where are you going?” Yuchan was surprised when he saw Junhee was behind him.

        “I didn’t notice that you’re here, what are you? A ghost? You’re suddenly popping out of nowhere!” Yuchan exclaimed, looking at Junhee with widened eyes.

         Jun put his index finger between his lips and winked, “That’s a secret. If I’m a ghost, I would be a good-looking one.”

         “Whatever.” Yuchan rolled his eyes and sighs, “Hey, Jun. Do you know a place where I can rest for a while? Or to stop by and draw?”

          “A place?” Jun asks as he blinked, “I think I know a place but I'm not sure if you’re allowed to go there.”

         “Where?” Yuchan wanted to get out of this place for a while, it’s a bit suffocating.

         “At the art gallery on the seventh floor, it was actually donated by someone. But I doubt that they’ll allow you to enter that,” Jun stated as he smiled sadly.

         Yuchan was surprised. He had been in this floor and he couldn’t believe that there was an art gallery in this hospital, he thought that it was just like one of those hospitals, dull and filled with sadness “A-Art gallery?”

          “Yes. As you can see, the hospital allows donations and projects. One of their patients, decided to donate his artworks here in gratitude of the hospital’s hard-work,” Jun said while swaying his arms back and forth “His artworks were somehow expensive yet he donated it here, what a kind-hearted man, don’t you think?”

         “Indeed.” Yuchan said as he nodded. He’s aware how a simple artwork could cost a lot, how could it make a profit to the artist itself.

         “What about you? What do you think about it? Are you willing to donate some of your artworks in here?” Jun asked and tapped Yuchan’s shoulder, waiting for his response.

         “I..” Yuchan seems like he was contemplating but sighed in defeat “..will donate an artwork in here.”

         “Really?” Junhee’s eyes seems to sparkle as he heard the brunette’s response, his expression brightened and Yuchan felt like his heart’s pounding like crazy again. He loves seeing Junhee in this state, though he wouldn’t admit that.

        Yuchan nods, “Yes, Jun.”

        “Thank you very much,” Jun said as he smiled, “That means a lot to me.”

         “Why?” Yuchan tilted his head a bit, “It’s not a big deal.”

         “But to me, it is.” Junhee put both of his hands on his left chest and closed his eyes as he smiled, “This hospital has been my home, my safety zone, and my shelter. I’m thankful of everything that benefits this place.”

          Yuchan furrowed his eyebrows and snickered, “You’re too pure. I can’t stand you.”

          “Well, whether you like it or not, I’ll still be here for you. I've attached myself to you already, there’s no escape for you.” Jun teases as he grinned.

          “That’s creepy.” Yuchan said in a deadpan tone.

         Instead of responding, Jun responded with a giggle before walking in front of the brunette “Do you want to see the art gallery? I’ll lead the way.”

        “Go ahead.”

         The two walked with small steps, Jun is aware that Yuchan couldn’t walk properly for now, let alone could draw or handle anything with his hands for too long. Yuchan just looked at the pinky violet-haired male that kept on walking in front of him, wondering how he lived before how that certain someone of him changed his life, coloring it with bright colors. Yuchan is amazed on the fact that despite being a dying person, Jun is too bright and optimistic. It reminds him of someone, someone that he used to know, and used to be.

      His old self.

       But that’s preposterous. He quickly shook the thought off and just focused on walking but he suddenly stopped to look at a corridor, the corridor seems to be familiar and is shown drawning him closer to it. Something weird is probably there and there’s a voice in the back of his head that tells him to proceed to the corridor and he’s going to follow that voice. He knew that his curiousity would get the best of him but he could care less about it, he needs to get this weird feeling off as soon as possible.

       He was about to turn left when he felt a hand gripped on his left wrist, he felt how thin it is and stopped, scared of the thought that he might break it before looking at Jun which was having a serious expression “Don’t.”

        “What?” Yuchan was taken back by the older male’s expression, Jun was always smiling and this is the first time that he saw a serious expression of his. And the first time that he heard Jun’s stern tone along with the piercing gaze and it made Yuchan shudder in Jun’s touch, feeling a bit of fear and amusement.

        “Don’t even think about going near that hallway, Yuchan. Don’t you even dare,” Jun said as he kept on looking at the brunette with a icy cold glare.

         Yuchan couldn’t find the right words and nod as he let out a nervous chuckle “Chill,Jun.”

          “Let’s go, Yuchan.” Jun’s stern tone was gone and Jun gave him an apologetic look “I’m sorry. You must’ve been scared.”

         “I-It’s alright,” Yuchan replied and smiled at the male, “Let’s go there already.”

 

         No one said a word until they’ve entered the elevator, which was because Yuchan couldn’t climb the stairs with his walking aid. Once they've arrived at the upper floor, they continued on walking until they could see a two-way door made with wood and was painted to be brown with a few design in it. A guard was beside it yet they kept on walking, the guard looked at Yuchan and gave him a nonchalant glance before opening the art gallery.

         “I thought that the gallery isn’t allowed,” Yuchan mumbled.

         The guard looked at him once again, “You’re Kang Yuchan, right?”

         Yuchan nods, “How did you know my name?”

         “Gwangsuk-sshi said that you can wander around, he gave you the permission to enter the restricted rooms.” The guard stated before giving him an another side glance, “Enjoy seeing the artworks. Be careful of awareness creeping behind you.”

        “Excuse me?” 

         The guard shook his head, “Nevermind. Just enter the room.”

         After mumbling ‘weird’, Yuchan entered the room and he didn’t expected this. He didn’t expected to see how glamorous and extravagant it is, he was expecting a normal art gallery but it seems that this one is made to be a special room or something. The paintings were breathtakingly beautiful along with the sculptures that were at the corner of the room, the walls seems to be covered with expensive furniture.

        “The artist sent the artworks but the interior design and the sculptures was from the hospital’s extra funds and some of the sponsor,” Jun said as he looked around and gave Yuchan a side glance before smiling, “Wonderful, isn’t it?”

       Yuchan nods, “Yes.”

        “I really don’t know a thing on these kind of stuff but I know that the artists did their best to make it so I appreciate their hardwork.” Jun stated as he went in front of a painting, “Just like this one. It’s just a bunch of colors blended into each other.”

       Yuchan went into Jun’s direction and looked at the painting, the painting was filled with dark colors from the bottom but when it comes to the upper part, the color slowly turns brighter until the artist used the brighest colors of the dark ones and splattered a bit of white around it “You don’t need to know a thing about abstract art just to be able to understand it. If you'll observe it, what can you notice?”

       “That it’s filled with random colors and it’s confusing,” Jun said as he squinted his eyes.

       “It’s alright, Jun.” Yuchan smiles, he is fond of understanding complex stuff like these. “In my opinion, the artist is showing that the bottom one is the darkest yet as it gets higher, it gets brighter and as you reached the top which has the brightest color, you’ll be able to understand everything and that’s the white splattered paint's meaning, understanding and clarity. The bottom part is dark and deep and as you try to reach the top, it gets more light and shallow until you can obtain the clarity of the whole painting.”

       Jun furrowed his brows and tilted his head to the side, “Still don’t get it.”

       “It’s alright. That is just my opinion, in other people’s eyes, that might be a bit different.” Yuchan said as he smiled.

        Jun stared at Yuchan for a while before letting out a chuckle, “You know what? You get so pumped up and lively when it comes to art. You’re such a nerd for it!”

        “Excuse me?” Yuchan raised his eyebrow and looked at the pinky violet-haired male as if he was judging him “Well, it’s the profession that I chose so I have to be know stuff like these.”

        “But you don’t understand how bright you were, Yuchan. The way you smile so genuine when you talk about it and when your eyes sparkle as you analyze and stare at it, it’s.. magical,” Jun said as he scratched his cheek and chuckled, “You looked so beautiful in that way.”

        “W-What?” Yuchan felt his face heating up as he looked at Jun which was also blushing on what he just said.

        “Is it wrong for me to think that you’re beautiful?” Jun asked and pouted, “Because you said that it’s weird for a boy to fall in love with a boy, I wanted to know your opinion about it.”

       “O-Of course, it is wrong. The way you did it causes confusion to the other one, making him confuse on his sexuality and his own self.” Yuchan said in a stern tone and gripped on the walking aid tighter “It is a sin to fall in love with the same gender, you’ll be punished for that when you die. You’ll be hated by everyone because you’re not normal at all and you’ll be causing misfortune on the person you love.”

       “Oh. I see,” Jun said as his head drooped “I’m sorry.”

        Yuchan felt a pang of guilt as he saw Jun's expression but kept his composure “Well, you should be.”

        “Don’t worry,” Jun said as he raised his head, flashing out a smile that made his eyes crinkle “I won’t do it anymore, if that is what you like, who am I to complain? You don’t know me that much, right? You might be thinking that I’m a freak.”

         Yuchan felt bad as he saw how forced was the older male’s smile and how teary-eyed he was so he avoided eye contact, “Just make sure about that. Just to let you know, I like Lee Suji. She’s a girl from my school and she’s a beautiful one, I recently confessed to her and it seems like she likes me.. I guess?”

         “Really?” Jun asked yet his tone seems to be a bit different, it’s somehow gloomy “I'm happy for you. Really.”

          “I'll introduce you to her, Jun. I bet that the two of you will be friends,” Yuchan said as he grinned, “She’s really a friendly person so it’s impossible for the two of you not to be friends.”

          Jun nods, “Okay, Yuchan. I that is what you want, who am I to complain?”

          “You're making it sounds like I’m forcing you,” Yuchan said as he looked at Jun.

          Jun chuckled a bit and shook his head, “No. Not really, I'm fine.”

         “If you say so,” Yuchan said and shrugged, “Is it okay for me to look around and sit on the floor? I’d like to draw in here for a while.”

           Jun nodded, “Sure, Yuchan. Take your time.”

 

 

          Yuchan felt it, he knew that something was wrong with Jun and he is certain that it was caused by him yet he ignored it. He knew that if he tries to intervene, it'll get more complicated than it is. And he's trying to put a distance between them because he's sure that Jun is making him crazy in an unknown reason. So he tried to look around once again but he kept on stealing glances on Jun that was leaning on the wall while in a sitting position, looking at a corner as if he’s sulking or was in deep thought. 

          In all of the sudden, with the support of his walking aid by gripping on it, he slowly sat on the ground and took the art materials that he has before looking at Jun. He started to draw lines and a lot of curves until he was able to draw something on his sketchbook, he kept on sketching until he was satisfied, it was a quick one that probably lasted for half an hour since Jun must've been thinking about something, he was also sighing that it made Yuchan a bit worried. He will finish the sketch later, he needs to return on his room and let Jun rest for a while. He seems to be a bit out of it.

 

         As he finished cleaning up and stand with the help of his walking aid, he went to Jun’s direction and tapped the older male’s cheek, making him gasp in surprise and look at Yuchan. Yuchan thought that Jun looks like a deer in the headlights and it made him giggle, making Jun tilt his head in confusion once again.

 

       “We need to go back, Jun.” Yuchan said.

        “Ah, really? Okay.” Jun stood as he dusted his hospital gown and his pants.

         “Sorry for making you wait,” he said while looking at Jun.

          Jun shook his head and smiled, “It’s alright.”

 

          Yuchan felt a bit uneasy on how Jun’s expression was forced but he kept his silence and gave him his personal space, they went out of the gallery, the guard giving Yuchan a weird look before closing it. He walked until they’ve arrived at the elevator, none of them still wanted to talk. Even until they were near Yuchan’s room, Jun kept silent. It was unsual, he was really a talkative person and Yuchan somehow misses his voice, though the brunette wouldn’t admit that.

       “I’ll be going back to my room,” Jun said in all of the sudden, breaking the silence.

        Yuchan was caught off-guard, Jun usually stays until night time “Are you sure? Don’t you want to hang out for a while?”

        Jun shook his head, “No. I’ll be going.”

        Yuchan wanted to stop him and hold his hand but as he attempt to do that, he stopped himself and nodded “Okay. See you tomorrow, I guess?”

 

 

         Jun just looked at him before turning his back and started to walk, it made Yuchan surprised and a bit hurt, he kept on looking at Jun which suddenly stopped to look at Yuchan before turning left into one of the corridors. He felt chills on Jun’s look, it him feel scared and uneasy in all of the sudden. He wanted to run and chase Jun but as he tried to run, he didn’t even last and fell to the ground with a loud thud. He groaned in pain and shut his eyes but as he tried to stand and opened his eyes, he saw Yebin approaching him.

 

        “What are you doing?” Yebin asks, raising an eyebrow.

        “I’m about to chase Jun but I fell,” he answered, leaning on the floor for support.

        Yebin frowned before rolling her eyes, “Whatever. You wouldn’t be able to reach him.”

        “What is that suppose to mean?” Yuchan asked.

        Yebin sighed before giving Yuchan an annoyed look, “Can you just return to your room so I can get my job done already?”

        “F-Fine.” Yuchan wanted to retort but he was too worried on Jun to focus on such a childish thing.

 

 

••••••

       It was just like one of Yuchan’s mundane everyday which was a bizzare one to other people, they were curious why Yuchan kept on going in and out of a hospital. They tried asking the boy about it but all that Yuchan said is that he’s visiting an important person there and ignored the questions most of the time.

         Yuchan was sitting on the couch while the male was leaning on the headboard of his bed while reading a book, the male seems to be too immorsed on what he’s reading that Yuchan just observed him. He observed the male’s fluffy brown hair up to his thick eyebrows, feline-like eyes, pointed nose and small lips, he looked at the boy starting from his head to toe and admired him. Yuchan is aware that the male is too beautiful yet there’s something unique about this male.

       He was Yuchan’s ‘muse’, the inspiration of Yuchan’s artwork and sometimes, the subject of it. But he had a lot of ‘muse’ for his works but when this male is his ‘muse’, his works were at its finest state. As if this person is motivating Yuchan to make a masterpiece but he’s getting hints on what’s the actual reason.

        It’s just that he’s denying it. Because he feels so weird.

        “Earth to Kang Yuchan.” He heard the male’s voice and looked at him “Finally, I got your attention.”

        “What do you want?” he chirps.

        The male seems to hesitate on what he’s about to say and lowered his head, “I’m curious.”

        “About what?” Yuchan asked.

        “Love. How can someone feel so loved? I mean, love from his partner?” The male was too confused and curious that he was furrowing his eyebrows.

        Yuchan chuckled and went in the seat in front of the male's bed “Well, what about love made you curious?”

        “How it can make someone’s heart beats so fast and how can it drive a person crazy with just a simple gesture,” the male replied, humming as he looked at the book.

      “Simple gesture?” Yuchan asked.

       “Like holding hands, kisses on cheeks and lips, pinning the other on the wall?” the male said, a bit unsure on his reply.

       “Pinning?” Yuchan asked as he stood and leaned on the boy and pinned him to the wall, making the boy squeak in surprise “Like this?”

       “Y-Yuchan..” Yuchan likes how the male whispered his name.

“What?” Yuchan asks, smiling at the male below him.

“You’re too close.” the male said which made Yuchan realize what he just did and immediately stepped back.

“I..” He doesn’t know what to say, he was too focused on how loud his heart is as it kept on pounding, he still can’t believe that he pinned this male and he wants to run away as soon as possible.

 

“He—” And so he did, he dashed out of the room until he was far from it.

 

 

He leaned on a wall as he kept on thinking what he just did and how he reacted to it, fear slowly crept into his face as he realized what is happening. How he liked that male’s beauty other than his other muse, how he love to see his smiles and how it makes him smile too, how he like it when they hold hands or when the back of their hands brush against each other when they’re walking. 

 

“This can’t be happening.” Yuchan muttered as he facepalmed.

 

But it already did. Starting from the first time he saw that male, Yuchan already fell for him. It’s just that it took him six years to realize how dumb he is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this fic! kindly leave a comment about it and take care, okay? ^ ^


	13. d-14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A weird day for Yuchan. An unexpected encounter of Gwangsuk and Junhee, Gwangsuk seems to know something about Yuchan while Junhee kept on protecting the brunette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i WROTE THIS INSTEAD OF SLEEPING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> 
>  
> 
> i was listening on getsuyoubi no asa, skirt no kirareta by keyakizaka46 as i kept on writing, their songs were so perf on times that i have to be emotional ack-- also, unb's debut will be on next week! i'm so excited for it! ♥ thank you for reading this fic y'all! kindly leave a comment too ° ^°)9

        This day seems to be a weird one for Yuchan, he was surprised to see Chan in his room as if he’s waiting for him to wake up. And instead of a nurse, Gwangsuk is the one that visited him. What is the doctor and therapist that was assigned to him doing in his room?

        “Good morning, Yuchan-sshi.” Gwangsuk greeted as he smiled, “How are you feeling?”

        “Still sleepy,” Yuchan replied as he yawned.

        “It can’t be helped, it’s only 8 A.M. Sorry for intruding,” Gwangsuk stated as he smiled.

        “Hey, mate!” Chan greeted him in English, again with that weird accent “You seem to be in a good mood? Had a good dream?”

        Yuchan nods, “Yes, I’ve dream about that person with cat-like eyes.”

        “Oh.” Gwangsuk seems to be a bit surprised but kept his stern expression, “That must’ve been a nice one.”

        “Indeed,” Yuchan said as he nodded, a smile was seen on his lips. “By the way, why are you both in my room?”

        “Well, your doctor decided that we should watch you for the whole day since he wasn’t busy and we should help you a bit on your balancing.” Chan said as he pointed at Gwangsuk.

         “Aside from that, I’ll be doing a few check-ups and I’ll be accompanying you for an x-ray examination,” Gwangsuk added as he looked at the tray, “You better eat your breakfast, Yuchan-sshi. This is going to be a long day.”

          Yuchan was still confused but he managed to nod, “Alright, then. But can I take a bath or something?”

         “Sure. Take your time, we’ll wait fo you outside. There’s an another hospital gown on the drawer and make sure that the water’s temperature isn’t too cold.” Gwangsuk reminded him as he looked at Chan, “Brat, we need to get outside.”

         “Aw, man. I have a name and it’s Chan!” Chan retorted as he frowned.

         Gwangsuk rolled his eyes before glaring at the therapist, “Better get your ass out of this room or I’ll call you Byungchan for the rest of your life.”

 

         Byungchan immediately dashed out of Yuchan’s room with a horrified expression and Gwangsuk sighed, looking at Yuchan before walking out of the room and closed the door. He blinked a few times, still analyzing what just happened and shrugged. He took a folded hospital gown with matching pants along with a towel before trying to stand by pushing himself upwards while gripping the drawer and leaned on the walls as he walked, somehow stumbling until he arrived at the comfort room. Sighing in relief, he still kept on walking and put the clothes beside the sink.

         He was bothered, there wasn’t any mirror. He wondered why but shrugged as he strip himself out of his clothes, finding it a bit difficult because he was sitting on the toiler bowl and he hasn’t stretched his arms and legs that much for a long time. He immediately went in the shower and mentally noted that he should say ‘thanks’ to Gwangsuk because his room is completed with the ammenities that he needs. It’s a good thing that Yuchan can stand for a long time, it’s that he couldn’t walk for a few steps without a support or leaning on something.

         Despite the water being a bit hot, Yuchan shivered as the water hits his skin. It’s been a while since he had a decent bath, he had been comatosed for two months and even though the nurses wipes his body with cloth, it’s still different from taking a decent bath. He made sure that he scrubbed every single part of his body and hair, immediately finishing his bath as he grabbed the towel. After making sure that he isn’t wet aside from his hair, he wore the clothes and took the ones that he previously wore and folded them before walking out of the comfort room. He tossed the clothes on his bed before walking in the direction where his walking aid is, gripping on it as he took the bag that was beside it before opening the door.

         “It’s about time,” Gwangsuk said as he saw Yuchan but stared at the walking aid, “Don’t use that for a while, we’ll be helping you.”

         “I wouldn’t be able to walk without it,” Yuchan said as he shook his head.

         “I’ll be helping you out, don’t sweat it.” Gwangsuk said, “So leave that walking aid of yours and try walking without it. We won’t let you fall, we’re just helping you out.”

        Yuchan hesitated for a while before nodding, “Okay.”

        “Good.” Gwangsuk helped Yuchan as he walked out of the room without his walking aid, legs trembling on the foreign feeling, the feeling of not having something to support it.

        “Easy there, buddy.” Chan said as he chuckled, “You’re trembling too much.”

        “It feels weird,” Yuchan mumbled, looking at his legs.

         Chan nodded, “Of course, it does. But if you’ll try to walk on your own a lot of times, you’ll be able to walk properly. Just try it for a few days and you’ll be able to grasp it.”

          “Let’s go,” Gwangsuk said as he start walking away from the two.

       Yuchan and the therapist shared confused looks before walking along with Gwangsuk, Chan is taking small steps so he could help Yuchan on walking. He lets go of the patient a lot and let him walk on his own then if Yuchan’s about to fall, he helps him then let go of the brunette, he’s letting his patient try on his own. After a few steps, Yuchan is already walking on his own while leaning his hands on the walls for support. Chan lets him do what he wants, he wants Yuchan to try it out. He wants to know why Yuchan is so determined to train himself on walking properly, there must’ve been a reason why.

        But as they were walking, Gwangsuk greeted a doctor on the way and Yuchan stopped on his tracks as he looked at the old man. The doctor seems to notice his stare and looked at him, smiling a bit before he started to walk. Yuchan froze and looked at the doctor with widened eyes, that smile looks so familiar. Chan and Gwangsuk noticed how Yuchan turned pale and went beside him, checking the patient if he’s alright.

        “H-He’s familiar..” Yuchan said, still looking at the direction where the doctor went.

         Gwangsuk nods, “Well, he’s one of the head doctor in this facility. He’s been here for a long time, about fifteen years.”

          “But why is he familiar? I haven’t seen him but it feels like I’ve already met him a lot of times,” Yuchan said and gasped when he felt the familiar pain on his head, clutching it a bit.

         “Take it easy, you lad.” Chan said as he held the brunette, “Don’t force your memories, let it come to you instead. You’re just going to hurt yourself in that way.”

         But it was too late for that, Yuchan is already feeling the pain and an another surge of memories had appeared in his mind. Memories about arriving at a hospital and having monthly check-ups because of his bad knee, meeting the breathtakingly gorgeous person and falling for that person, having a lot of friends in the hospital and also at his school, meeting Suji then realizing his feelings for that person. All of it flowed in his mind like a raging wave but the most important one that he remembered is that doctor. He was that doctor in his monthly check-ups, he’s the one that checks up on Yuchan and also on the person that he adored. That doctor knows something and Yuchan needed to know what it is. 

        “I need to talk to him.” Yuchan said.

        Gwangsuk held his wrist and shook his head, “Don’t.”

        “I k-know him!” Yuchan exclaimed.

        “You’ve finally retrieved some of your memories? Let it be for now, we’ll talk about it later. We need to take care of your well-being for now,” Gwangsuk said, glancing at Chan that was really confused.

        “Yuchan-sshi, let’s go.” Chan said as he smiled and held the boy’s other wrist.

         They arrived on the stairs and they let Yuchan walk downwards despite stumbling a few times, he managed to arrive at the lower floor without any bruises or scratches. They went down on two other floors until they’ve arrived at the third floor of the hospital, it was different on the sixth floor where he’s admitted. It was crowded in this place, a lot of patients and doctor kept on passing by, there’s also visitors of the patients waiting outside of the rooms. Different equipments were seen along with the expressions of everyone that he sees, some were devastated, some were crying and some were happy or showing a relief expression, there were others that were panicking. Yuchan felt bad for those people that was sad, he knew that feeling of knowing something that shatters their hope and dreams. He knew how to be surrounded by darkness and let yourself fall into the void.

          Yet he was thankful because someone dragged him out of the void and let him see the light that was outside of the darkness, letting him breathe properly and smile once again. Just like a star in the night sky, Jun saved him.

          Yuchan didn't know why but thinking about Jun made him smile, earning a few curious looks from his therapist and doctor. He didn’t even realized that an hour or two has passed and all of his examinations were finished, he was too focused on thinking about the pinky violet-haired male until Chan snapped his fingers, making the brunette look at him in surprise.

       “You’ve been spacing out the whole time!” Chan exclaimed.

        “Sorry for that,” Yuchan muttered as he flashed an apologetic smile.

        “Now that we’re over with that, we’re going to help you by walking around the hospital.”  Gwangsuk said as he took a notepad, “Do you want to go somehwere?”

        “I really want to stay at a peaceful place where I can draw something,” Yuchan replied as he showed his sketchbook at the doctor.

        “I see,” Gwangsuk said and nods, “Then off we go, I know a place where you can draw.”

        Yuchan just let the two drag him until they’ve arrived at the ground floor, walking in the direction where Yuchan could see a bunch of plants. As they’ve went out, Yuchan can feel the breeze and the warmth from the sun, smiling a bit. They’re at the garden of the hospital, it wasn’t a wide one but the place has a comforting vibe.

       “This place is kinda cozy and I used to hang out with some kids in this place,” Gwangsuk said as he smiled.

       Yuchan looked at the doctor and noticed how genuine was his smile “Gwangsuk-sshi, your smile is kind of bright.”

       “What?” Gwangsuk asked, caught off-guard by the patient’s question before chuckling a bit “Well, I really like smiling since I’m a goofy person but I have to keep a stern expression on my patients. I’m usually assigned to the patients with terminal illnesses.”

        “But don’t you think that sending them off with a smile is a good one?” Yuchan asked, “It shows them that the person they’ll leave will be in ease.”

         Gwangsuk widened his eyes and Yuchan saw how it sparkled a bit a if he remembered something before smiling, Yuchan noticed that it is a sad one “Well, that would be a bit disrespectful to the patient and his or her family.”

       “I second the motion,” Chan agreed, “Doctors like him have to keep a stern expression to mask their pain or guilt away, Yuchan. Do you know what doctors feel when the person that they kept on prolonging its life dies? That they weren’t able to save them?”

       “Guilt?” Yuchan asked, tilting his head a bit.

       “Bingo.” Chan said as he looked at Gwangsuk, “I know that there are those half-assed doctors that doesn’t give a damn on their patients because all they need is money but Gwangsuk isn’t one of them. He’s a passionate doctor, if you only knew how they monitored you when you’re still comatosed.”

        Yuchan looked at Gwangsuk and bowed, “Thank you for taking care of me, Gwangsuk-sshi.”

        “It’s my job, Yuchan-sshi.” Gwangsuk looked at a large bench and pointed at it, “Let’s sit there, the view is quite beautiful from there.”

         As they’ve sat on the bench, Yuchan took his art materials out and looked everywhere as if he’s looking for something to draw and saw the cherry blossoms “There.”

        “Are you going to draw now?” Chan asked, looking at Yuchan with interest as he grinned “Let me see the final work, okay?!”

        “Sure!” Yuchan chirps.

        “Do you want some alone time? We’ll be buying some snacks for us,” Gwangsuk offered, “I know that you’ll be needing to concetrate on sketching so I guess that we should take our time and buy some snacks that we can eat.”

       “I don’t mind your presence at all but buying snacks for us sounds like a good idea, I don’t have any money on me though.” Yuchan replied, pouting a bit.

       “My treat, kiddo.” Gwangsuk said as he dragged Chan, “Come here, Chan. We’re going to the nearest convenience store.”

       “Alright, Gwangsuk hyung!” Chan said as he looked at Yuchan, “Be right back, pal!”

      As he couldn’t see the two figures, he looked at the cherry blossoms once again and suddenly, something popped out of his mind. Not something, but someone. It was Jun, smiling as he winked and behind him was a tree filled with cherry blossoms. He doesn’t know why is it Jun but he noticed that the older male’s boy was brown so he wondered why, is he imagining too much or something?

        Despite that, he thought that Jun looks so beautiful and decided to draw it. It’ll be a pity not to draw such a beautiful sight and it seems like his hands had a mind of its own, starting to draw as he held the pencil tight, hands were somehow trembling and he lose his grip on the pencil a lot of times but he kept on drawing. He won’t give up just because he kept on making mistakes, he can still erase it or cover it with a darker shade of color pencils when he colors it. He doesn’t know why but he’s so determined on finishing this work as soon as possible, he made sure that every corner and every part of the drawing is detailed, from the most obvious parts up to the small details. And after a lot of erasing, he finished sketching the boy and the cherry blossoms behind him. He smiled in relief as he put his pencil back on the bag and took the color pencils, starting his work on coloring the sketch.

       He felt like he was a high school student, using color pencils instead of paint but who is he to complain? He was too thankful to receive these stuff as a gift from Chan, as a gift that shows he did his best on recovering. He felt proud of himself because he proved the voices on the back of his head wrong, just like what Jun said to him. Prove them wrong and keep on fighting for his dream, there’s always a way to overcome something. And he started to color it, pink for the cherry blossoms, brown for Jun’s eyes that was the same as his fluffy hair, a white shirt under a pink jacket, red lips and pale skin. Heck, Jun looks so pale yet his smile was too wide and Yuchan felt like giggling at Jun’s wink,  thinking that the boy was too handsome. But immediately regretting it, he isn’t attracted at Jun. He likes Lee Suji, right?

 

       Time doesn’t matter, everything doesn’t matter at all. Yuchan’s attention was on coloring his artwork and sighed in relief as he finished it, feeling a bit contented on how great it is. Jun is such a good ‘muse’ and Yuchan feels so lucky to meet such a beautiful man, he is a great subject and his beauty attracts a lot. He traced his fingers on Jun’s face lightly, smiling as he imagined like he is doing it on the real Jun, feeling how moisturized and soft was the pinky violet-haired male’s face and feeling how soft were his lips, how kissable it is that would make him lean and kiss the boy to find it out. Kissing Jun as if he is the forbidden apple and tasting it with no regrets—

 

       “No!” Yuchan exclaimed, shaking his head as he blushed furiously. Why did he even think about that? It’s wrong in so many levels.

       “Yuchan-sshi, we’re back!” He immediately looked at Gwangsuk that is smiling while Chan seems to be catching his own breath.

       “Hello,” he greeted them.

       “Hey, are you alright? Why do you look so red?” Gwangsuk asked, concern was obvious on his tone.

      Yuchan mentally facepalm-ed himself and chuckled nervously, “I-I’m alright. It’s probably because the sun is shining so bright that it made me feel a bit hot? Yes, it’s hot!”

      “But Yuchan, it’s already 5P.M.” Gwangsuk said as he looked at the sky, “We’ve been gone for hours.”

      “What?” Yuchan asked before his eyes widened in surprise, “S-Seriously?!”

      “You’ve been there for six hours,” Gwangsuk said as he smiled, “Seems like you’ve been too immorsed on your drawing.”

      “I-I’m sorry,” Yuchan scratched his nape and flashed an apologetic grin, “It’s usually like this, I get so pumped up and draw without having a care on anything aside fron finishing this. I’m too focused on something that I’m currently interested in, but wait, why are you gone for six hours?”

      “About that, Gwangsuk hyung decided that you should take your time and we walked for six hours! Just to buy at the convenience store om the other city! Can’t you believe it? I’ve suffered a lot because of Gwangsuk hyung!” Chan complains, frowning

       “It’s because Yuchan-sshi needs to be alone and we’re both getting fat so I decided what the best for the three of us,” Gwangsuk replied.

       “You’re evil!” Chan exclaimed.

       “I-I’ve finished it, by the way..” Yuchan said as he looked at his own sketch before glancing at the both in front of him, “It was kind of rushed so I’m really sorry, usually, sketches like these takes four to five days to be finished but I did my best.”

        “I'm excited!” Chan said, grinning like he was frowning so much a while ago and took the sketchbook, “W-Wow!”

        “H-How is it?” Yuchan is feeling so nervous. This is the first time that he showed someone his works, he felt bad on not letting Jun see it first but he’ll let the pinky violet-haired boy see it.

         “It was great. You’re so amazing!” Chan said as he kept on looking at it, “It seems that your hands are doing its best, don't strain yourself too much and you’ll be able to recover soon enough.”

        “Thank you, Chan hyung!” Yuchan said, smiling at the therapist.

        “D-Did you just called me with honorifics? Oh my god, mate! We’re gonna be besties from now on!” Chan exclaimed, tapping the brunette’s back.

        “G-Gwangsuk-sshi, how is it fo—” Yuchan froze when he saw how horrified was Gwangsuk, he felt a bit scared on seeing the male’s reaction to his drawing before gulping, “Is.. there something wrong?”

        “Who is that person on your sketch?” Gwangsuk’s tone was kind of chilly.

        “I-It’s Jun. He’s the patient from the same floor with me, I've told you about his visits everyday. He has pinky violet hair but I suddenly thought of him having brown, fluffy hair and drew him.” Yuchan replies, smiling as he looked at his drawing “I bet that he'll be happy when he sees this.”

        “Jun, eh?” Gwangsuk stood properly and smiled, “I’m sure that he’ll like that too.”

        “Jun?” Chan asked, tilting his head in confusion.

         Gwangsuk glanced at the therapist, “He’s a patient in the sixth floor.”

         “Sixth floor..” Chan mumbled before shrugging, “Don’t know him but whoever he is, if he’s in the sixth floor, then he’s the same as the others.”

         “Hey, Yuchan. You’re quite great on traditional art, kids these days were into digital art. I commend you for that,” Gwangsuk said as he grinned and ruffled the boy’s brown hair.

         “I prefer traditional art than digital art, I want to feel how sticky the paint is than just seeing the colors on a drawing tab and I want to touch the paintbrush instead of a stylus,” Yuchan replied, “I want to experience the real deal!”

        “I see..” Gwangsuk said as he looked at the sky once again, “Should we head back to your room?”

        “Um, I’m about to leave y’all. My shift’s over and I have to take care of something important so.. T-T-F-N! Ta ta for now, folks!” Chan said before dashing back inside the hospital.

        “He’s probably going to Seungmin’s.” Gwangsuk mumbled before glancing at the brunette in front of him and raised his hand that was holding a plastic filled with snacks, “Let’s eat this when we get back to your room, shall we?”

        “Okay,” Yuchan replies.

        “Do you want to use the stairs or should we just ride an elevator?” Gwangsuk asked.

        “I want to try climbing up the stairs,” Yuchan said before standing.

        “I see.” Gwangsuk stated and sighed.

 

 

        No one talked as they went back to Yuchan’s room, Gwangsuk tried to help the boy at times but his patient insisted that he should try it on his own. As they arrived, Yuchan immediately sat on his bed while Gwangsuk sat on the chair beside the bed and gave Yuchan a pack of chips, in which the brunette took.

 

        “So, would you tell me about Jun? I’m a bit curious about him,” Gwangsuk said as he smiled.

        “Well, Jun is a bit weird. He kept on cheering me up and he’s too hyper, he’s like a star that shines for me during the dark hours. He kept on shining until I can shine like the sun, as if he’s the star and I’m the sun,” Yuchan said and smiled, “He’s too hyper for a person with terminal illness, I’m worried that he might be faking it yet I couldn’t see pain or anything in his eyes and expession, he looks so clear and satisfied on his current state, which makes me wonder.”

        “I see.” Gwangsuk said, listening at the brunette “Go ahead.”

        “He’s a bit innocent on everything, I’ve heard that he had been here since he was young so.. that figures. But I’m really worried because of his innocence, people might abuse him or manipulate him. He’s too pure for this world, he deserves better.” Yuchan added, looking at the ground “And he’s lovely, he’s too sweet at times. He likes to hold hands or to embrace that it makes me a bit flustered, he even kissed me on my forehead once. Such an affectionate one.”

        “Then?”

        “He’s weird too, he kept on initiating skinship with me. I tried to tell him yesterday to stop making me blush and to stop his sweet gestures since I recently confessed to the girl that I like, it’s a good thing that he listen well.” Yuchan said, puffing his cheeks “I bet that he feels bad because of it, I’d like to tell him that again in a proper way. He’s been a good.. friend to me.”

        “You confessed to a girl?” Gwangsuk asked and Yuchan wondered why Gwangsuk looked so surprised.

        “Yes. Unfortunately, before I could even get her response, Yebin kicked her out and was fuming!” Yuchan stated as he looked at Gwangsuk with a frown on his face “She’s so rude!”

        “Yebin’s rude when it comes to you, there must’ve been a reason why.” Gwangsuk said, “So, do you want to talk about anything else aside from that?”

         “Sure!” Yuchan was wondering why the doctor has been curious about Jun but it’s a good thing that he can talk about his concerns on others aside from Jun.

 

         And Yuchan talked, he talked as both of them were eating the snacks. Yuchan kept on talking until he felt sleepy and the doctor bid his farewell on the patient, wishing him sweet dreams but deep inside, he wants the brunette to have a terrible nightmare. A nightmare that would make him aware of everything until he cries it all out, all of the guilt and pain that he’s feeling.

       As he went out of the room and was about to walk away, he felt something weird and heard footsteps and when he looked back, he saw the person that he was waiting for. The male was looking at the ground and seems to be smiling again and again as if he’s training himself to smile properly yet Gwangsuk can see how miserable he is. He was just surprised that he’ll be able to see this person like this once again, and he wouldn’t waste this chance.

 

“Junhee. Don’t you think that you should be somewhere else?” Junhee was surprised as he looked at Gwangsuk with widened eyes.

“You can see me?!” Jun asked.

“Dumbass, I can. I have eyes, who do you think you are? Invisible man?” Gwangsuk responded as he crossed his arms while giving Jun a sidelong glance.

“Oh, that’s nice!” Jun said while grinning, “I.. was just kidding. I am just trying to find a reason for you to think that I’m not here, forgot that I am not a superhero but a dying person. Bummer.”

Gwangsuk scoffed, “Park Junhee..”

Jun gulped, it was the same tone whenever Gwangsuk is displeased by something and he chuckled nervously “What is it, hyung?”

“Can’t you get out of here already?” Gwangsuk asked and turned around to face him, “You don’t belong in this place anymore.”

“Hyung..” Jun looked down, looking so hurt by the doctor’s statement.

Gwangsuk’s expression softened a bit, “You deserve to be in an another place, Junhee. You don’t deserve to stay on this place filled with melancholy and grief.”

“But hyung..” Jun looked up and tried to smile a bit “He’s here. Yuchan’s here.”

 

 

Gwangsuk thinks that Park Junhee resembles a cat, and he isn’t wrong about it. A cat has absolute emotional honesty: human beings, for one reason or another, may hide their feelings, but a cat does not. Junhee doesn’t hide his feelings, he shows it all the time, he couldn’t hide it but sometimes, it wasn’t noticed because he express it in a different way. 

 

“Junhee, do you even think that Yuchan deserves you?” Gwangsuk asked, raising an eyebrow “He confessed to a girl recently, Junhee. What are you going to do?”

“I..” Jun seems to be thinking about his response, “I will let go of him, hyung. But not now, maybe soon? I just want to know if he’s going to be alright or not, I’m worried about him. I want to make sure that he’ll be back to his old self.”

“Junhee, stop being selfless and think about yourself. Do you want him to remember you and to be hurt? Or do you want him to keep on living like nothing happened at all and be happy?” Gwangsuk asked, feeling a bit guilty to see Jun’s hurt expression again and again “Do you really think that he will still chase you even though he is pushing you away just like before?”

 

“Hyung..” That's it. Jun fell to the ground, clenching his fists and staring at the ground as if he was glaring at it yet Gwangsuk can see the sadness on his eyes “I don’t know what to do anymore.”

 

“It’s normal for something like you to be in that state,” Gwangsuk responded, shrugging as he walked in the pinky violet-haired male “If he wants to remember you, he’ll remember but if he doesn’t, then I guess that Junyoung and Yebin’s right about your Yuchan. That he’s an asshole that breaks people’s hearts again and again.”

“Yuchan’s a good boy,” Jun insists.

“Your childhood friend, Rayoon says the opposite. And the fact that he’s in the same school with that boy makes me believe him,” Gwangsuk said and kneeled in front of the male.

Jun shook his head, “Please believe me, Gwangsuk hyung. Please don’t hate Yuchan, he’s a good person. Please try to know him more, don’t just listen on other people’s tattletale.”

“Rayoon wouldn’t lie,” Gwangsuk said in a stern tone, “Even Junyoung and Yebin, too.”

“Yukjin and Binbin is just misunderstanding everything, even Yoonie.” Jun said in a small voice as he looked up and smiled.

“Junhee, you’re too good for him.” Gwangsuk said as he sighed in defeat, “Look, don’t visit him in days. If he’ll miss you, he’ll look for you. If he wants to see you, he’ll find a way to see you. And even if he remember you a bit, if he wants to know you, he’ll keep on trying to remember who you are. We are showing him hints and helping you on making him remember everything, Junhee. So please just stop visiting him and let him do what he must do, to remember you. To remember Park Junhee, the one that doesn’t deserve to be hurt.”

“But Yuchan.. he’ll be alone,” Jun said as he starts on fidgeting.

“Just leave it to fate, Junhee.” Gwangsuk said and smiled at the boy, “Listen to me, Junhee. I know what I’m saying, it’s up to him to remember everything.”

“But he’ll be in pain.”

“Why? People normally feels pain but that boy doesn’t even show any remorse before, he’s just doing everything based on his mood. Just like an artist, once that he’s done with one of his ‘muse’, he’ll throw them away and find an another one, an another one to coax with honey-like words, making it stuck to him. He’s a predator that kept on hunting his prey,” Gwangsuk said in a cold tone as he glared at the door of Yuchan’s room.

“But he isn’t really a bad person,” Jun kept on insisting as he smiled at Gwangsuk, “If he’s a bad person then why did he still tried to arrive in here despite being a chance for him to confess on that girl that he likes?”

 

 

Gwangsuk just sighed in defeat, Jun is such a stubborn person. He’ll keep on trying to find a reason out of something and would think of situations like these in a different perspective, what an intellectual. He looked at Jun that was looking at him with a wide smile, the same reassuring smiles that he gives whenever he’s convincing someone. A reassuring smile with thag confident look with him. 

 

 

“I don’t care. Junhee, just do me a favor and please listen to my request.” Gwangsuk said, standing as he looked down on the pinky violet-haired male “Just let him be until it’s time for him, until awareness hits him.”

“But what if I don’t?” Jun asks. Gwangsuk groaned, he’s such a stubborn person.

“Then we’ll tell him everything in one go, it’ll hurt like hell. Me, Rayoon, Junyoung and Yebin will tell him everything abouy him being that asshole and also, we’ll tell him what he made you do. And if your guess is right, that will drive him insane. Too much of it will be trauma or will cause him to make a scene, we’ll call the psychologist and the mental hospital and you’ll know where he ends up.” Gwangsuk said as he smirked, acting confident on his plan despite feeling bad about it. He needs to prevent Junhee on getting hurt more and more because of Yuchan, he wants Junhee to be okay. “So, Junhee. What are you going to do?”

Jun looked down as if he’s about to cry “Alright..”

“Remember that we’re doing this for you, Junhee. Sorry if we’re hurting you just like what he does,” Gwangsuk said as his voice softened, embracing the boy but not letting his arms and hands touch the male’s skin because he knows what Junhee is right now.

 

 

If only Gwangsuk could turn back the time, he would prevent Park Junhee on knowing what happened to Kang Yuchan two months ago. If only, that is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading the chaser :) kindly leave a comment about this chapter, your thoughts about it and take care y'all! ♥


	14. d-12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghun visited him and left Yuchan crying his heart out after hearing such an unexpected truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first of all, blame the great artist perf in idol producer for this kind of plot twist, i wasn't really going to include this but the great artist perf happened.. hehe.
> 
> i think that it's kind of bad ;; sorry if the update's lame, i've been focusing on watching anime since the animes for the spring season were reallyyyyyy great ; -;)/

       Yuchan looked at the male in front of him in awe, he was somehow stunned on how amazing he is. He was used to see him in his hospital gown and pants but now that the male isn’t wearing it made Yuchan so amazed, he fixed the pink jacket of the brown-haired male and smiled at him.

     “You look so good,” he said as he kept on smiling while examining the male’s face.

      The male nods, “Thank you, Yuchan.”

      “But where did you get these clothes?” Yuchan asked, blinking in confusion.

      “I actually asked my sister for a pair of clothes and they’ve agreed on taking me out for a while, they were really worried but I managed to convince them.” the male replied, smiling at Yuchan “And they trust you a lot, Chanie~ You’ve seen them, right?”

       Yuchan nods, “Yes. Are you sure that we’ll be going to the university instead of going to a park or somewhere fun?”

       “I’m curious on your school, I also want to see how people like you studies.” the male said.

       “Well, it’s difficult just like what I’ve told you but I can manage it!” Yuchan chirps, grinning at the brown-haired male in front of him.

       “I know, Yuchan. You look like you’re enjoying school so much,” the male said and sighed heavily, “I’m jealous.”

       “You don’t have to!” Yuchan said as he shook his head.

       “Well, it’s just that I’m one of the unfortunate ones with a body like this. I accept that with no regrets, at least, I was given a chance to live in this world. To live and meet someone like you,” the male stated as he held Yuchan's right hand with both of his hands “You’re the best person that I’ve ever met.”

     “I..” Yuchan couldn’t find the right words to respond on the brown-haired male, he was blushing furiously and trying to keep his composure—in which he’s failing at.

     “Shall we go?” the male asked and intertwined both of their hands.

     “W-Wai—” Before Yuchan could complain, he was already dragged out of the room by the male.

      “Hey, you! Take care of him!” Yuchan looked at the female nurse with short blonde hair that was glaring at him “If I see a scar or scratch on him, I’ll definitely shred you to pieces!”

       “Binbin, that isn’t nice at all. Stop it. And I can protect myself, I'll promise to get back here without any injuries.” the male reassured the female nurse and tapped her shoulder, “I’ll make sure of it, okay?”

      The female nurse pouted as she crossed her arms, “Just make sure of that.”

      “I will,” the male said and chuckled a bit before looking at the male nurse, “Yukjun, are you going to say something?”

      “Nothing. I’m quite fine with you taking a stroll out of this hospital, it’s been a long time since you’ve been in here.” the male nurse said and laughs, covering his mouth with his left hand “Do you have any pocket money? You might like something out there and buy some.”

      The male nodded, showing a wallet in front of them “My sister gave me this and reminded me again and again how could I use it, well, I’ve read from the books and in the internet how to use this so it’s not like I don’t know how. Gwangsuk also gave me some!”

       “Of course, Gwangsuk will definitely give you some. I bet that if you’ll go at his office right now, he’s really worried on what might happen to you. Dr. Jung as well!” Binbin, the female nurse said and grins.

       “Don’t be such a bunch of worrywarts, I’ll be fine. All of you are overreacting again,” the male said and huffed.

       “Don’t worry, I'll take care of him.” Yuchan reassured the two nurse in front of him and smiled.

       “I don’t trust you at all but your other friend seems to be reliable,” Binbin replied, scoffing before smirking, “Well, Yoon is studying at that school so I’m sure that he would be looking out for him.”

        “Hey, cut it out.” Yukjun, the male nurse said and nudged Binbin’s shoulder before flashing an apologetic smile ay Yuchan, “Sorry for that, pal.”

        “It’s alright,” Yuchan said and looked at the male “Let’s go.”

        They went out of the hospital, hand in hand, not caring at the looks of the other people and when they arrived at the parking lot, Yuchan can already see the brown hair from afar. When they’ve arrived in front of Donghun’s car, the male was leaning on it while his arms were crossed and he’s tapping his feet as if he was getting impatient.

       “Sorry, Donghun hyung!” Yuchan shouted out.

       “Thank yourself that you’re my favorite dongsaeng,” Donghun huffed as he looked at the brown-haired male and smirked, “Look who’s here.”

        The brown-haired male smirked, “I’m here to ruin your day, Hun.”

        “Now, cut it out. Let’s head to the university now,” Yuchan said as he held both of their hands and jumped up and down.

 

        Yuchan was really thankful of Donghun along with Sehyoon and Byeongkwan befriending this male, they accepted the way he is and added him to their circle of friends. He smiled as he kept on looking at the two boys that is still bickering, he smiled as he saw this male look at the surroundings with amusement on his eyes that kept on twinkling until Donghun stopped driving.

       “We’re here,” Donghun said as he looked at the male, “Enjoy.”

       “Wow, it’s huge.” the male said as he looked at Yuchan and Donghun “So this is where you study?”

       “Yes.” Yuchan replied “Do you want to go inside? We can stay at the mini-park until Yoon will fetch you?”

       “Sure,” the male said and held Yuchan’s hands “I’m afraid that I might get lost so can I hold your hand like this?”

       Yuchan felt like it’s suffocating, he suddenly thought about what the others would think of them, he would surely be mocked at, the thought made him let go of the male’s hand “I think not.”

       “Oh, alright.”

       “Hey, dweeb. Just hold my hand instead, Yuchan’s a bit uncomfortable with that.” Donghun offered his hand in which the male accepted, intertwining their hands.

       “Sorry..” Yuchan said as he lowered his head.

       “Hey, why are you apologizing? You did nothing wrong,” the male said as he lifted Yuchan’s face “There, there. Don’t be sad now, you still needed to tour me around, right?”

       “And we have three hours left to enjoy this,” Donghun added.

        And that is how they started to walk around the university, explaining the brown-haired male everything whenever he asks something about it. It took them an hour to stop and rest at the most recommended place that Yuchan told him, the mini-park of the university. There were other students that is hanging around but some of them were leaving and some were arriving. Yuchan observed how they come and go, suddenly thinking how people can easily leave something for something more important than it.

       “Yuchan, you’re spacing out.” Donghun said and he winced when the eldest flickered his forehead.

       “That hurts, Donghun hyung!” Yuchan said as he frowned and puffed his cheeks.

       “Yuchan looks so adorable,” the male said, smiling at him.

        Yuchan felt his cheeks burn as he immediately averted his gaze on the male “I’m not adorable.”

         “Yes you are, dork.” the male said as he looked at Donghun “Unlike this grumpy old man.”

         “Really? After I held your hand for an hour? You’re saying that?” Donghun said as he snickered.

         “It’s not like I wanted to hold your hand, I want to hold Yuchan’s.” the male said as he rolled his eyes, “And your hands weren’t soft at all.”

        “What?!” Donghun exclaimed and looked at Yuchan “Can I punch him?”

        “Don’t hurt him, hyung.” Yuchan said as he looked at the male, “I’ll protect him from anyone else that will try to hurt him.”

        Donghun furrowed his brows as he shrugged “Whipped.”

        “Am not!” Yuchan said as he shook his head.

       “Whatever, Yuchan. You couldn't lie to yourself,” Donghun said as he smirked.

       “I am not lying to myself at all!” Yuchan said as he put his hands on his waist before glancing at the brown-haired male “Hey—”

        Yuchan and Donghun looked at the male’s reaction, the male’s face was expressionless yet his eyes shows a sea of emotions. The male was looking at the cherry blossoms and was too immorsed on what he’s doing that the two couldn’t bear to interrupt him and just enjoyed looking at the male, having his first time out of the hospital and thinks that the outside world is a beautiful place. 

        “They’re pretty,” the male said as he looked at the two of them “Thank you for bringing me here.”

        “If you’re going to thank someone, it’s this dude.” Donghun nudged Yuchan’s shoulder “He convinced the guard to let you pass despite not having an I.D, convinced your doctors and family to let you out of that place for a while. He did his best.”

        “Yuchan,is that true?” the male asked, looking at Yuchan in a confused way.

        Yuchan smiled as he nods, “Well, you deserve a day-off in that place.”

       The male looks so surprised but instead of talking, he immediately hugged Yuchan. He hugged him too tight that Yuchan almost whimpered yet he understood what this male is trying to express, this male is usually stoic and is a pessimist until Yuchan changed him. The monochrome world, only filled with grey, and black colors was splattered with bright ones until the splattered ones filled it, lighting up this male’s world.

        Yuchan smiled, “You’re welcome.”

•••••••

      Yuchan woke up when he heard the door was closed shut and he wasn’t expecting to see this person right now. He can’t help but smile at the male in front of him.

       “Donghun hyung.” Yuchan said as he smiled wider “Hello.”

       “Hello, Yuchan.” Donghun said and he ruffled Yuchan’s hair, “How are you, sunshine?”

       “I’m doing great!” Yuchan said in a cheerful way.

       “Seems like you had a great dream,” Donghun stated.

       Yuchan nods, “Yes, you were also in that dream. It was really a great one!”

       “And why is that?” Donghun asks, crossing his arms.

       “In my dream, there’s that unknown person that we took to our university. That person loved seeing the cherry blossoms and hugged me,” Yuchan said as he looked at the window “That person seems to be glad and made me feel a bit weird, but it made me feel so happy.”

        “Really? That’s a nice dream, Chan.” Donghun said and opened his bag, “By the way, I went here to bring some of your stuff.”

        “What is it, hyung?” Yuchan asked, tilting his head slightly.

        “Here.” Donghun showed him a sketchbook that has a lock attached to it “It’s yours and I think that it will help you, I’ve heard from Byeongkwan and Sehyoon that you want to regain your memories.”

       “Yes, Donghun hyung.” Yuchan thought of that unknown person and felt like his heartstrings were tugged a bit “I want to remember everything and also, I want to remember that person. That person who made me feel so happy, the person that made me inspired, the ‘muse’ of my artworks.”

       “There’s a lot of women out there that can be your muse, why are you still trying to look for that person?” Donghun asked.

       Yuchan wondered why Donghun seems to be a bit serious than he usually is, he can feel how the older male seems to be careful of his choice of words. It seems that he doesn’t want Yuchan to remember, just like the others. Yet he couldn’t sense any anger, disappointment or hatred in the older male’s presence, unlike Yebin and the other people that visited him. He can clearly analyze Donghun, but it just made him more confused.

       “Hyung, why are you asking me that?” Yuchan asked back.

       “What if your ‘muse’ is already out of your league?” Donghun asked.

       “Out of my league?” Yuchan asks, frowning as he sat “What are you talking about?”

       “Look, Yuchan. I just want to ask you why are you still looking for that person,” Donghun said in a calm way and put his hands in Yuchan’s shoulders “Tell me why.”

        “It’s because I love that person, hyung. I can feel it, it’s definitely love.” Yuchan confidently replied.

        “What you did before to that person says the opposite and di you even forgot what you’ve done?” Donghun asked, raising an eyebrow.

        “Says the opposite? I hurt that person?” Yuchan muttered, lowering his head “I’m such an asshole. Hyung, I need to see that person and ask for its forgiveness!”

        “See that person? After all that you’ve done? Are you serious, Yuchan?” Donghun asked, sighing as he facepalm-ed “Do I have to remind you what you’ve done to the women who wanted to be your ‘muse’?”

        “Hyung, what?” Yuchan asked. 

        “Yuchan, you’re admirable as heck but the way you treat the women isn’t right at all.” Donghun said as he kept on looking at the brunette, “Coating them with sweet words and nonsensical promises, drawning them closer to you and when you’re done, you’re discarding them like scratch papers.”

        “Hey, hyung. I’m a bit confused, can you please explain it to me a bit?” Yuchan said, gripping the sheets “I need to understand this, Donghun hyung. Nobody wants to tell a thing about me, they kept on making me guess for something that I don’t even remember. Please help me, hyung.”

        “I won’t tell you or even hint about your muse’s identity but I’ll tell you something about yourself,” Donghun said as he took a deep breathe, he needs it because this is going to be a long conversation “I’ve heard from Gwangsuk-sshi that your memory is quite okay except from some certain memories which is the one you’re trying to attain. And the fact that you can’t even remember how you kept on playing those women’s hearts made me realize that you don’t remember it too so I’ll explain it to you.”

        “Please.” Yuchan said.

        He isn’t ready to hear all of it, he felt so scared and terrified of himself. He used to play with women’s hearts? He hurt his muse’s feelings? He’s an asshole. He thought of punching himself for realizing it too late, but he needs to listen to all of it. Donghun wouldn’t lie to him, he knows that the older male just wanted what’s the best for him. 

        “Well, it started when you started realizing that you love your ‘muse’ and tried to distract yourself. You’re a sucker for beautiful people and whenever you meet one, you’re doing your best to get them—as if they’re nothing but playthings.” Donghun said “Of course, people wouldn’t believe that the sunshine, Kang Yuchan, is actually a womanizer, a fuck boy in a flower boy disguise.”

        “Please continue,” Yuchan whispered, mentally cursing himself. He feels so ugly, being commited to such an ugly sin.

        “The first one is when you’ve turned eighteen, it’s one of the popular girl in high school. She’s a part of the basketball club for girls and you took her attention by introducing yourself to her until you’ve started on flirting her. The next thing that I knew is the rumors that the girl was bulied and was labelled as a ‘slut’ because her virginity was lost and that she’s been having intercourse with different men during that night,” Donghun said as he snickered, “The last person that was seen with her before the incident was you but who would blame such an ‘innocent’ boy like Kang Yuchan? No one. Yet I have a feeling that you’re involved there since a few days, you’ve finished a painting entitled ‘Impurity’ or is it that I’m thinking too much? I thought about that but as a lot of incidents happened with you being lowkey involved, I started on suspecting that you’ve done something.”

       “Wait, seriously?” Yuchan asked, surprised yet he felt so disgusted of himself.

       “Kang Yuchan, I hate lying and you know that. I have to tell you this because I want you to reflect on your actions, you’ve been in an affair with different women, promising them the whole world yet you’re just after their body and labels them as trash when you’re done with them. Of course, only a few knows about that but people wouldn’t believe them because you’re the admirable Yuchan, a person that doesn’t look like he’s a fucked up sociopath.” Donghun said as he tapped the brunette’s shoulder “We stayed, we knew why you’re doing that, you’re curious and you want to try out new stuff, you’re trying to distract yourself because you feel so disgusted on the thought that you love your ‘muse’ because of a nonsensical reason. You chose your reputation instead of love, yet you kept on ruining it.”

       “We tried to confront you about it but you just smiled at us and said that you’re just testing something, you ruined a lot of women’s lives and future, their reputation was ruined because of your fucked up tests. After fucking them, you’re ruining them slowly and when it’s too much for them, you throw them away as if it’s nothing. You hate how ugly the whole world is, yet you’re the one that kept on making it uglier, tainting it with the sins that you’ve done. It's kind of funny how you forgot all of it,” Donghun added, clasping his hands “You’ve been playing their hearts for almost three years and your last victim is a sweet girl that was transferred recently, you were attracted by her beauty so you made your first move until she’s wrapped around your finger. You just made the worst move ever, your ‘muse’ is about to surprise you when it saw you fucking that girl. Your ‘muse’ was so   
hurt and petrified yet you know what happened? Your ‘muse’ forgave you and thinks that you’re still nice, what a saint. And you know what you did after you enjoyed manipulating that girl? It was the worst thing that you’ve done, you didn’t just showed images of her being fucked, you taunted her until she went crazy. You definitely ruined her, physically and mentally. Yet your ‘muse’ kept on protecting you.”

       Yuchan couldn’t believe what Donghun just said and looked at him with widened eyes, “That’s a lie.”

       “I wish that it was a lie too, but you fucked up.” Donghun said in a calm tone.

       Yuchan shook his head as he held his head, “Why? That’s impossible? It can’t be happening.”

       “Accept it, Yuchan. I don’t want to hurt you but you need to know the truth,” Donghun said as he took an another notebook and gave it to Yuchan “I realized that my guess is right and you’re really involve on those incidents.”

        “Hyung..” Yuchan lowered his head and opened the notebook.

 

       Yuchan felt like he’s drowning in a sea of despair as he kept on reading what’s inside the notebook, it contains all of the titles of his artwork and how he described how he got his inspirations in it. He realized and remembered it, he couldn’t help but bite his lips as he kept on reading it until the last one. From Impurity, the first painting that is made because of his evil scheme up to the last one, Madness. He realized how he made fun of those women, how he pushed them into their downfall, how he said those sweet words that doesn’t even mean anything to him. He felt so bad yet he couldn’t do anything but grip the notebook and let his tears fall, he hates how ugly the world is and how unfair it is, yet he became one of it. 

       It hurts. Not just his head but also his heart, he felt so guilty about everything. He wants to apologize on every single person that he sees, apologizing for the plans that he made, for the women that he tainted, for the lies that he said, for the promises that will never even come true and for existing, for causing such a mess. 

       Now that is probably the reason why Rayoon looked at him with those eyes, eyes with hatred in it. He deserve all of it, after all, he isn’t really a good person. He’s living comfortably while the ones that he ruined were probably having the worst time of their lives. It's so unfair.

 

       “Yuchan.” Donghun is about to hold Yuchan’s arm but the brunette looked at him as he kept on crying.

       “Hyung, please leave for now.” Yuchan said, tears kept on falling from his eyes.

       “Alright,” Donghun said, a hint of guilt was seen on his face “Yuchan, I know that it hurts a lot. But feeling guilt is a sign that you aren’t a bad person at all, that for someone, you’re a good person. You're a kind-hearted boy that lost his way but you can still fix it, don’t lose hope.”

 

 

       As Donghun left, he clutched his head with his hands and screamed really loud. He screamed and sobbed while gripping his hair tight, kept on screaming even though his throat hurts, he sobbed and cried until his eyes feel so sore. It was too much but he knew that Donghun is doing it for his sake, he was also worried about Yuchan.

      He wants to hug someone, he wants someone to embrace the pain and guilt away, to comfort him. He wants someone to be here for him right now and suddenly, he thought of Jun yet it made him cry again. He made Jun upset and it’s been days,  Jun didn’t even showed up. He must’ve been far away from him too, must’ve been scarred by him. Because that is what he’s best at,right? At manipulating and breaking them.

 

Ah, he’s the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this fic. i would really like to see your reactions about this fic, kindly leave a comment y'all! take care! ♥


	15. d-11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuchan decides to have some kin of closure with his past. And a fixed goal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i deleted the recent update and posted the full chapter instead! ♥idol producer just ended last night and thank goodness, one of my top three pick made it ;; i feel so bad about zhenghao and qin fen though ;;
> 
>  
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading this fic. this chapter might contain a bunch of grammatical error and i'm really sorry for that.

       Yuchan opened his eyes, the bright eyes had turned dull and lifeless as he looked around. The room was empty and he felt so weak, he had been crying the whole day and didn’t even ate anything that nurses had offered him. He saw Junyoung’s worried look and Yebin’s annoyed expression before storming out of the room, probably muttering something.

      He looked at the sketchbook that is beside the notebook and saw the lock in it, preventing it to be opened. It is a 4-numbered password yet Yuchan couldn’t remember what is it, he didn’t even know what to do with it. He just stared at it and traced his fingers at every corner of the sketchbook, it somehow makes him feel nostalgic yet he couldn't recall the reason why. The password must’ve been something that Yuchan will always remember but, what is it? How funny, if it’s somethat that he'll remember no matter what, then why couldn’t he even remember it?

      “What is it?” Yuchan whispered out with his raspy voice, his throat hurts from screaming a lot yesterday.

      He just stared at it and tried to remember even just a little part of his memories yet he couldn’t, so he placed it beside him. He took the notebook and gulped, he needs to have some kind of closure with the harsh truth. He’s scared to read it all once again but he have to, he have to face his fears. He did something wrong and he have to repent for it, though there’s no reason for him to repent because it’s too late for it.

       ‘Impurity.’ The first word, which is the title for the first painting that he made ‘I hate it, I hate how that girl is beautiful yet I can sense how she’s ugly inside. I hate to see her fake smiles and high-pitched laughs and when she turns her back, she rolled her eyes and smirks while muttering harsh remarks. I hate how she shows how fake she is, and the fact that she doesn’t even know that some people could see makes me think that she’s dumb. Pretty dumb, if I must say, pretty yet dumb. I wouldn’t lie, she looks like a good ‘muse’ for something. I’ve always made a lot of it about beautiful and positive because of my current muse but maybe it’s time for a change.’

        ‘So I made the first move, even though I don't need to introduce myself, I still did. She knew me anyway, I befriended her and in a few weeks, I can sense how she brush the back of her hand to mine in purpose and looks at me with loving eyes, in which made me prevent myself from gagging and slapping her. It’s disgusting, disgusting yet beautiful. It didn’t took long for me to completely maneuver her, saying a lot of ‘I love you’ with no sincerity but she believed all of it. What a fool.’ Yuchan felt like throwing up on what he saw on the second page but what’s worse is on the third page ‘It didn’t took me long enough to complete my plan, in a few weeks, she’s already sprawled on a bed on this cheap motel with her legs wide open, begging me for pleasure. What’s funny is that she’s a virgin yet the way she acts says the opposite, I wasn’t even doing anything yet she begs me like her life depends on it. I’m not that bad so I gave her what she wants, it’s quite annoying how she let her moans out loudly, it makes me feel disgusted at her. And when we’re done, I immediately left her but not without the evidences that I took. I’m so excited to start this painting already, it’s definitely going to express how disgusting, how dirty and how impure a person is.’

       And that was the last note about that painting, the next one’s about someone else, which happened two weeks after he finished his painting and also a month after the girl he tainted was kicked out of their university. He saw the notes how he tried to played with the hearts of three women at the same time, breaking their hearts, in the end. He saw how he manipulated them, from the innocent ones up to the rowdy ones without even getting caught. Well, that is what he thought. Donghun knew about it, and probably Sehyoon along with Byeongkwan too.

 

       The notebook was thick and every painting that is involved with a different ‘muse’ have its explanation in three pages only, it took Yuchan hours to finally reach the notes about his last painting. He can’t believe that in a span of three years, he had ruined a lot of lives. He felt his heart falling and breaking as he realized how much of an asshole he can be.

        ‘Mavericks.’ is the title of his last painting and there is a photo attached in it ‘It’s been a while, there wasn’t any interesting ‘muse’ go play with, hyungs had been monitoring me too. I can’t go on with this kind of life, it’s boring and dull. Where’s the fun experience that I deserve? But it changed when a transferee had attended to my vocal class, one of the minor subject that I added for my semester since Donghun hyung kept on saying that I could be a singer with my voice, I still love painting though. Her breathtakingly beauty amused me, the way she kept on fidgeting while flashing a shy smile to us as she introduced herself, I can see how her eyes seems to shake and avoid eye contact. A shy type, I guess. But when our eyes met, I smiled at her, which made her flinch before going to her assigned seat, which is beside me. Luck’s on my side, huh. I introduced myself to her and she did the same, her name is Somyi, wasn’t it? I complimented her and she was already blushing like hell! She even stuttered, she’s definitely an innocent girl and it makes me feel excited.’

       ‘I asked her why did she transferred but only answered that she wants to be in a city because she wants to be near her close friend that is working at the nearby hospital, it caught me off-guard because that’s where he’s admitted so I asked her the nurse’s name and I was surprised that it is Binbin, the snobbish nurse with short, blonde hair that kept on glaring at me. What a small world, that is. I didn’t made a move at her yet, I kept on observing her until I realized how obedient she is, following the school rules and how she followed everything according to the rules. She even declined trying out new stuff and kept on her belief to herself, being an independent-minded person yet she still have that innocent vibe at her. That vibe that I want to erase, so I kept on being a good friend to her and heck, it even took me two months to finally ask her out because she’s such a sissy. It is definitely an awkward one but I felt like she’s enjoying it, she even looks at me with the same loving eyes that I see on the other wrecked ones, something that makes me feel disgusted at them yet I still stayed, why? Because they’re beautiful, I'm only here because ot their beauty and when they don’t look beautiful anymore, throw them out. What’s the point of having a temporary muse that is not beautiful? It’ll cause distortion to my works!’ He grimaced at this part, he’s such a sucker for beautiful people but he can’t believe that he's only staying for the aesthetic purpose, does he even had any regrets on this before? ‘She’s such a sissy, a fucking sissy. We’ve been going out secretly for five months before she finally made up her mind to be my girlfriend, but I can still sense how scared she is. She haven’t even in a relationship before, that is her reason why. Which is an advantage to me, I can maneuver her perfectly. It didn’t took me long enough to finally wrap mh finger around her, I made her try out new things, in which she hesitated but I taunted her with sweet words that she couldn’t say no. I researched about mind-break and it’s quite a good one for my latest masterpiece, at first, I made her kiss me until kisses was replaced by making out, I made sure that she’ll moan for me and she did, I felt so delighted driving her crazy and it’s a push-and-pull plan, I kept on teasing her until she begs for it, just like those wrenches. I’ve heard of something interesting from one of those douchebag in my class, about using drugs so I tried it on her, I gave her one pill and in a few minutes, she’s already begging for me to do it. I can’t say no to such a pretty lady and I did, I felt like laughing looking at her disheveled state as he kept on crying out in pleasure, how she moves her hips and how she screams that she loves me and how I’m deep inside her. We had a few rounds after it and slept but as we woke up, I fucked her again and loved it, she’s such a mess now.’

        Yuchan wants to die. He can’t believe that he enjoyed such a disgusting situation, he’s so disgusted of himself and is on the verge of jumping at his window. He wants to stop reading but he couldn’t, as if his eyes wanted him to see everything that he did.

       ‘I didn't broke it off with her, which is the first time, why? I’d like to see her at her worst. From cheap motels up to her room and sometimes, even in public, she begs to what’s in my pants and also on the drugs, it’s quite fun. But things started to get dull, we’ve been in a relationship for three months and she’s not that innocent anymore, she’s starting to turn into one of those wrenches. But heck, this is definitely her worst state and the fact that she got addicted to those pills made me feel a bit bad so I broke it off with her. She wasn’t even crying, she was giggling, in the state of being drugged. But the day after, I was surprised when she suddenly pushed me in the middle of the hallway, eyes clouded with lust as she kept on saying how she wants my body and for me to pleasure her, people kept on looking at us so I tried pushing her away but her grip is so tight. So I sobbed, I started to cry as I did my best to look like I’ve been harassed and screamed that I don't know such a thing in which people believed and dragged her away from me then some came to comfort me as I cry these crocodile tears and said that I didn’t even know a thing about what she said. Which is fun, heck, I think that I can be an actor.’

       That’s it. Yuchan wants to die. He’s definitely the worst. He hates himself.

       ‘She was suspended for days, they’ve found out that she had been addicted to drugs and if she’ll cause a scene, she’ll expelled. It caused her to be more desperate and I was surprised when she was in front of my apartment, she was so desperate for pleasure. Well, I feel a bit bad so I did what she told me to. But I didn’t expect it, I didn’t expect the door of my room to be opened by someone and what’s worse is that the one that saw everything is my muse. That beautiful muse of mine, I glanced at him and saw pain in his eyes so I immediately pushed this wrenched bitch in front of me and chased my muse, I was too late though. He was already gone, I felt so mad at myself but I felt mad at this bitch in front of me, holding my foot and begging like a mongrel. Kicked her out and when she was back to our school, it’s already hell for her. I made sure that everyone will turn their backs at her, she was immediately called to visit the guidance council and she was surprised that the councilor said that she uploaded naked pictures of herself after an intercourse with someone. It was a ‘shame’ and they decided not to taint the school and expelled her, I saw how miserable she looked. It was satisfying, I even talked to her and whispered taunting sentences that made her wail like a kid.’ Yuchan’s grip on his notebook is getting tighter as he clench his jaw ‘But who will believe such a person like her? Dirty and disgusting. Heh, serves her right.’

 

 

       It was the last note and Yuchan closed the notebook, his breathing was a bit rigid and his hands kept on trembling. He felt like he was being choked by something and the tears fell from his eyes again, the guilt was too much. It kept on piercing him again and again, going deeper until Yuchan could only cry. But why did he even thought of such a thing? Why did he even started making those kind of paintings? Why did he manipulated those women? Why did he got addicted on seeing them on their worst? Why, indeed.

 

       “I hate myself.” Yuchan muttered while clenching his fists.

       But he decided to do something about this, it hurts, really. Yet his goal is to find his ‘muse’, he needs to apologize for all of the things that he did, hurting his ‘muse’, in result. He wants to see his ‘muse’ again and he wants to be beside his ‘muse’. But a voice on the back of his mind says that he doesn’t deserve to, he’ll just hurt his ‘muse' again and again. He doesn’t know what to do anymore, he’s drowning in a sea of guilt and everything hurts.

 

       He deserves this, this isn’t even enough for what he did to those poor women. He ruined their lives, especially that last girl that he wrecked. He wants to apologize to them but he knew that he wouldn’t be forgiven, they probably cursed his whole existence. He will continue living while being haunted with his sins until the time of his death, they will drag him to hell and burn him in a stake. But, at the very least, he deserves it.

       He was in a deep thought as he kept on crying that he didn’t even realized that someone is wiping his tears but he gasped when he saw Junyoung in front of him with a worried look yet Yuchan can see it, some kind of resentment towards him. But he just accepted it, besides, he is quite a nuisance to them. Such a problematic child.

 

       “Yuchan-sshi, why are you crying?” Junyoung asked.

       “I did something wrong,” Yuchan admits, “And I could no longer repent for it, it’s too late.”

       “You can tell me about it, I’ll do my best to understand you and to tell my advice.” Junyoung said in a calm way.

      “I have a favor to ask,” Yuchan says as he looked at Junyoung, “Can you promise me that you’ll punch me once that you find it too much? I deserve it.”

      “I’m a nurse, Yuchan-sshi. I am working to heal the patients, not hurt them.” Junyoung said and sighed, “But alright.”

      “My friend visited me yesterday and told me about my past, the ugly part of my past that I’ve forgotten. You know about me being an aspiring painter, right? And there are times that we have our ‘muse’ as the inspiration of our works? Apparently, I had been having on since I was young. That ‘muse’ was my everything and he’s the reason why I wanted to get better as soon as possible, but suddenly, everything had been shitty and I suddenly thought of a plan, a different concept, I want to draw how ugly the world is.” Yuchan said, wiping his tears as he kept on preventing himself on crying again “I started to play with women’s hearts. For three years, I’ve been playing with it and once I’ve tainted them, I just threw them as if they’re nothing. Promising them that I love them when it doesn’t even mean a thing, holding their hands even though I’m disgusted of them, being there for them because of their beauty and when I see them in their worst state, leaves them. Making them crazy by manipulating them, wrapping them around my finger.”

      “Having a relationship in secret and sometimes, having two to three flings. Enjoying seeing them cry in pleasure and in misery, not even batting an eye at them when they’re dirty. I just kept on tainting them, especially the innocent ones. I want them to unleash the monsters that they are, and when I'm done with them, they’re nothing but scum.”

      “But the last girl was the one that suffered the worst, I felt so bad about her. She’s a nice girl yet I ruined her, I experimented on her, drugged her until she became addicted to drugs and sex, changed her into a different person. It was really the worst but my world stopped when my original ‘muse’ caught me having sex with her, I saw the pain in my muse’s eyes and instead of blaming myself, I blamed that girl and made her suffer. I felt so ma—” And there was it. The punch is too powerful that he bumped his head on the wall and groaned.

 

       “That’s enough,” Junyoung stated, “I must say, I’m sorry but you are an asshole. You almost look like a sociopath but since you’re guilty about it and you felt bad, I guess that you weren’t that bad. But do you think that you deserve to see that muse of yours? After all that you’ve done to your muse?”

       “I want to,” Yuchan whisperex out, “I want to see my ‘muse’.”

       “Did your ‘muse’ even visited you? If that muse of yours wanted to see you and still cares for you, then why isn’t your muse visiting you?” Junyoung asked, “What if your muse wanted a new life, a life without someone that is as toxic as you? What are you going to do? Let go of your muse or to find your muse even if the cost is your muse’s happiness?”

       “I want my ‘muse’ to be happy but I also want to see my ‘muse’, you know why?” Yuchan said as he smiled a bit, “I may be the shittiest person ever but my ‘muse’ is the only one that is there for me, to protect me and to smile even though I messed up. So I would do everything just to see my ‘muse’ again. I’m ready to face anything, the guilt might not fade away but I will continue living as I search for my ‘muse’.”

       “I see,” Junyoung said as he took a deep breath, “Then good luck.”

       “I’ll be needing that luck.” Yuchan stated and closed the notebook, “I feel so sorry for forgetting this horrible memory but I promise that I won’t forget it, I will continue on living remembering them as I ask for forgiveness on every person that I’ve hurt.”

      Yes. Yuchan made a decision to let go of it, but not to forget it. It’s still part of his memories, either it’s a good or bad one, it’s a part of him that shouldn’t be forgotten. It hurts, definitely. But he will endure it, he still need to find his ‘muse’ and to embrace that beautiful person once again. He’ll change for the better. He’ll definitely change.

       “Hey, Yuchan-sshi.” He looked at Junyoung which was smiling a bit, “I can sense that you really love your ‘muse’ but why did you confessed to someone else?”

       “I.. don’t know, the last time that I remember is that I was supposed to confess to Suji but everything had been confusing after that, I feel so comfortable with her but I couldn’t feel the same pounding of my heart just like the way it did to someone else,” Yuchan confessed, lowering his head.

       Junyoung smiled but suddenly laughed out loud as if what Yuchan said was really funny, “You know what, you’re kind of dumb.”

      “Why?” Yuchan asked, wondering why Junyoung suddenly blurted that out.

       “It took you eight years to realize your emotions, huh?” Junyoung said as he shook his head while still smiling, “You had all the time to yourself, Yuchan-sshi.”

       “Eight years?” Yuchan asked, tilting his head. But in all of the sudden, he realized what Junyoung meant to say. He remembered the necklace that Junyoung left and some of the stuff that he said to him and now, this is enough proof.

       “What’s with that kind of look?” Junyoung asked, the sincere smile turned into a sly one as he rested his chin on his hand.

       “You know something about my past, don’t you? You knew who my ‘muse’ is?!” Yuchan exclaimed, gripping the sheets.

       “And what if I do? Gwangsuk hyung told us not to say a thing, especially when you’re like that,” Junyoung said as he stood, “Eat, Yuchan. Don’t act like you’re the most miserable person right now when you don’t deserve to act like one, if you’re really that desperate to see your muse then remember.”

 

       He left Yuchan in a confused state, clenching his fists as he looked at closed door before nodding. He made up his mind, his ‘muse’ must’ve been near him. He’ll make sure that he’ll find that ‘muse’ of his.


	16. d-10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuchan tries to remember and a certain someone helped him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! it's been a while ;; sorry for the late update and it is kinda rushed so there will be a lot of grammatical errors in it ;; aaaaaaaa i'm sorry ;;

       “I told you already about her! She’s really a different one!” Yuchan blurted out as he raised both of his hands.

“I see.” the male in front of him said, resting his chin on his hand.

“I really like her! I swear!” Yuchan says and grinned.

The male seems to flinch a bit but forced a smile on his face, “Then, I’m happy for you. Really.”

“Thank you,” Yuchan said, fighting back a scowl that he wants to express.

For an unknown reason, he wants the boy to be mad and disappointed with him. Yet what he got is the opposite of what he expected from this guy, he was so dumbfounded. After promosing him that he wouldn’t play with women’s hearts, he’s on the stride again. But this time, it’s different. The girl isn’t like those girls that he used to date—err, play is the convincing word to describe what he did.

“So, care to tell me what she is? Features and her personality will do. I guess?” the male said in a polite tone, having a small smile on his lips.

“You’re too serious, you barely act like a kid. I can’t catch up with you. Geez,” Yuchan complains, puffing his cheeks.

The male chuckled a bit, “I’m sorry that I couldn’t catch up with anything that you’re accostumed at, Chanie. Remember that I’m not that aware about the outside world? Well, I wish that I could.”

“Oh.” Yuchan wanted to slap himself for unintentionally slapping this guy with the harsh reality “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay. As if I could do anything to avoid my fate,” the male said in a shaky voice yet it was obvious how he tried to keep his composure.

Yuchan shook his head, “Don’t be like that, hyung! Stop being a pessimist! There’s still a chance! I’m sure of it!”

“Look, Chan. Look at me,” the male cupped his face with his thin fingers and leaned until their face were close to each other “My heart is the only thing that is unaffected by my disease. How can I even survive at this rate?”

“Hyung. No, don’t give up. I know that there’s still a chance!” Yuchan said, almost whimpering as he kept on preventing himself to cry. He’s still a crybaby.

“Thank you for being the optimistic one, Chan.” the male said before letting go of his face and sighs, “I suggest the we should end this kind of conversation as soon as possible. Now, let’s talk about that girl.”

Yuchan wanted to retort, he wants to keep on insisting that he would survive. He knew that it is impossible but he wouldn’t stop hoping for a miracle, for this male to overcome this obstacle. The urge to protect this male overwhelms inside Yuchan but all he could do is hope for the best. He feels so useless.

“You’re spacing out, Chanshine.” the male said, making Yuchan look at him with widened eyes.

“Chanshine?” Yuchan asked, tilting his head slightly.

“Well, you really resemble the sun to me. You kept on shining for me, you’re like the sunshine.” the male admits, looking down as the pink tint on his cheeks was seen by the younger male.

“Thank you?” Yuchan feels so dumb, he felt his face heating up in embarassment. 

“Oh gosh, this is so awkward.” the male said before laughing a bit.

“I’ll tell you about her now,” Yuchan said before clearing his throat by coughing “Suji is one of the members of my school’s cheerleading squad, she’s more like a center in there. I don’t know why I didn’t notice her before but damn, she’s so beautiful.”

“Do you have a picture of her?” the male asked.

Yuchan nods before showing a pic of him and Suji together to the male “This! I had a picture with her, all thanks to Byeongkwan hyung and his wide frienship circle!”

“Ah, she’s pretty.” the male said yet Yuchan can see an another emotion hidden in his eyes aside from amusement “Well, you’re either blind or just dumb not to notice such a beautiful lady.”

“Well, probably I am dumb.” Yuchan said, scratching his nape “But hey, Suji is really friendly. She’s quite outgoing and fun to be with, being her friend is such an honor. I had fun on hanging out with her and the fact that she’s interested in art makes me like her even more!”

“You.. really like her,” the male said and nodded, “Why don’t you ask her out?”

“I don’t know why but I’m nervous.” Yuchan admitted, gripping the hem of his shirt “She’s too perfect. She might reject me and break our friendship if that happens. I’m so worried. I don’t want that to happen.”

“Aw, Chanie’s scared.” the male teased as he pinched Yuchan’s left cheek “You’re losing weight, Chanie. Eat more.”

“I’m on a diet,hyung! I need to have muscles to be manly!” Yuchan said, pouting as he playfully glared at the male.

“For what?” the male asks.

“To attract Suji! Maybe she likes men that doesn’t have chubby cheeks and is into men that have those sharp jawlines,” Yuchan said, smiling as he clasped his hands “I want to look good for her.”

The male seems to be in deep thought as he looked at the brunette before sighing, “You’re insecure about your looks?”

“Yeah.” Yuchan said, nodding.

“Come here, Chanshine.” The nickname seems to have an effect to Yuchan, making him blush furiously yet he followed the male’s order and sat on the bed.

“What do you wa—” Yuchan is surprised when the male suddenly hugged him really tight and let them fall to the bed,their face were inches apart and it's driving him crazy.

“Chanshine, don’t be like that. You’re handsome. Believe me when I say that you’re really a good-looking person, you don’t need to change your appearance and force yourself to do stuff like that just to impress somebody.” the male said in a calm tone, rubbing his hand in the brunette’s back.

“I don’t know. I feel so ugly whenever I make a mistake,” Yuchan said and sighs, “I don’t want to look ugly. I hate ugly stuff, just like those toxic emotions and fake people.”

“But nobody’s perfect. No one could hide their ugly side for too long, it’ll be exposed no matter what happens.” the male said before tracing his hand on Yuchan’s face “Your face is really great, from your brows down to your hazel brown eyes, that nose and lips were perfect just the way they were and your skin is too soft. These chubby cheeks doesn’t need to disappear and your jawline’s just fine.”

“But..” Yuchan just kept on looking at this male, he doesn’t know why but his words seems to comfort him.

“Your shoulder, collarbones, chest and even your thighs are great. You don’t need to lose weight because you’re alright in that state, don’t push yourself too much. If that Suji gal likes you, she'll like for the way you are.” The way this male’s fingers traced his shoulders down to his thighs is driving him crazy, he’s doing his best to prevent a gasp or groan to escape from his mouth. He doesn’t want to taint this person in front of him. Never. “Just stay as you are, alright?”

Yuchan, being the puppy whenever this male says something, nods “Alright.”

“That’s great,” the male said before yawning, “But I really need to sleep, can you sleep beside me?”

“Why?” Yuchan asks.

“I just want to hug someone,” the male said sheepishly.

Yuchan smiled and hugged the male, pulling him close “Then rest for now.”

The male seems to be surprised but smiled in the end, closing his eyes as he muttered a ‘sweet dreams’ while Yuchan just kept on looking at him. He doesn’t need to sleep to have sweet dreams because despite not admitting the truth, just being with this male is a sweet fantasy that has come true. Such a sweet fantasy that is overwhelming yet heart-wrenching. Sweet fantasies will always be fantasies, short-lived and its farewell is always the worst.

But he shouldn’t think about that for now, all that matters is the male sleeping beside him and he smiled, closing his eyes and somehow hoping that they could meet each other in their own dreamland.

\---------

       It’s an another day without his friend, Jun. He wondered where he is and if he’s currently alright now, he hopes that Jun would meet him in this room once again. He wouldn’t admit it but he misses him, him and his smiles that can dethrone the sun along with those sparkly eyes. And that dazzling beauty of his, Yuchan misses him a lot.

And this cold nurse in front of him isn’t making anything better at all,  looking at him with those piercing gaze as if she’s ripping him into bits.

“I’ve heard from Junyoung that you know Jun,” Yebin said, placing the tray on the desk nearby.

“Yes, do you know where he is? He hasn’t been visiting me for days. I’m really worried,” Yuchan muttered and looked at the nurse.

“Yes, I know where he is. Somewhere that is far away from you, where you’ll never be able to visit him. Ever again.” Yebin said in a low tone, every words seems to be filled with the poisonous emotion, hatred.

Yuchan tilted his head in confusion, “I’m sorry but what?”

Yebin gritted her teeth, “Why are you even looking for him? Isn’t he just a patient in this hospital? Then.. what for?”

“Well, he’s my friend. I think that reason is enough for me to look for him.” Yuchan answered with confidence as he looked down, “And I have to apologize to him.”

“Why?” Yebin asks.

Yuchan was about to respond when he remembered Junyoung’s advice not to tell her why “Nothing. Maybe I did something to disappoint him so I want to apologize.”

“Whatever. As if you’ll find him,” Yebin said and turned her back at Yuchan “You know what? You’re such an eyesore.”

Before Yuchan could retort, the nurse is already out of the door. He sighed before opening his sketchbook and looking at a blank page, wondering what he should draw for now yet nothing comes out of his mind. It’s frustrating.

“What should I do?” he mutters, looking around before stopping on the walking aid and smiled a bit “I think that I need to be out of this room for a while.”

After taking the bag, he stood and balanced himself as he kept on walking until he reached his walking aid, grinning in triumph because he didn’t stumble or even fell to the ground. The corridor is silent as always, nurses and doctors doesn’t even wander at this hour.

He start to wander around the floor, looking at the walls, ceiling and floor painted in white. It’s getting him feel like he's mad or something, the use of too much white is driving him crazy. He wondered why it’s the first time that he thought about that, maybe because this is the first time that he observed the place too much. Or probably, because he was always with someone that colors up the whole surroundings with their personalities, just like Gwangsuk and Jun.

Jun is nothing but bright colors, lighting up the whole place with his pure colors. And that’s what Yuchan likes about Jun, the way that he could color up a whole place with his smiles. On the other hand, Gwangsuk is a mixture of dark and light colors yet the dark colors were the ones that overwhelms him. Just like those people out there, Gwangsuk is the same. 

He kept on walking until he reached a corridor that he was about to enter, if only Jun didn’t interrupt him or something. The urge to walk on that corridor kept on crawling at the back of his head and he let himself go in there, feeling a bit sorry about not listening to Jun.

After a few walk, he suddenly felt chills as if someone’s observing him and turned his back, only to see the empty corridor so he continued, but the feeling of being watched never fades. He looked at the room numbers and realized that it’s near to the room that Junyoung forbids him.

0610\. 0609. 0608. 0607.

 

He felt his heart dropping every room that he passed through, his face looking a bit amused yet worried at the same time. A mixture of excitement and anxiety overwhelms inside him as he kept on walking, the sound of his footsteps and of the walking aid is the only thing that can be heard.

0606\. 0605. 0604. 0603.

 

And he stopped in front of a room, the feeling is too nostalgic. As if he had been in this place where he’s currently standing right now, he wondered why his hands kept on trembling and the surge of emotions drowns him as he kept on looking at the door. 

“0602.” Yuchan whispered out.

But there’s something that kept on bothering him so he chose not to open the door and walk away, somehow regretting him but the emotions were too much and he couldn’t handle them properly. He bit his lip in frustration and kept on walking until he stopped in the sudden surge of emotions starts to drown him, the place is too familiar for him.

“Hallways with the transparent glass as the window,” Yuchan said and looked at the door with the faint colors of paint splattered at it “And that door.”

 

He felt stupid. Yuchan wants to hit his head in the wall in frustration as he kept on clenching his fists, that’s why this hospital had been giving him those chills. Because this hospital is the place where everything began, the place where he met that person. The place where his muse is currently at.

 

He immediately went in front of the hospital and knocked on it, a bit loud because of his desperation. The door opened and he was surprised to see such a familiar face, it was the doctor that he saw when Chan and Gwangsuk took him on a stroll. The doctor seems to be surprised with the visitor but still kept a small smile on his lips.

“Welcome back, Yuchan. What can I do for you?” the doctor said.

“I knew it,” Yuchan muttered, “You’re the doctor that is in charge of my monthly check-ups. Right?”

The doctor nodded, “Affirmative. Let me introduce myself again, I’m Dr. Jung. You probably didn’t remember my name because of the trauma that you’ve got, removing the memories of him and everyone that involves him.”

“Him?” Yuchan wondered. Why is it a ‘him’?

“I won’t be able to say his name, Yuchan. Because I think that, of all people, you should be the one to remember him.” Dr. Jung stated as he sat on his swivel chair “You can sit at the couch, Yuchan.”

“But why is it a ‘him’?” Yuchan asks, forcing a smile. He was so damn confused right now.

“Because he’s a male, Yuchan. That person you’re looking for is a male,” Dr. Jung said and clasped his hands, “You’re probably curious why I knew about that, right? Gwangsuk tells me about it, that you’re looking for him.”

“H-He knows something?!” Yuchan exclaims.

Dr. Jung nodded, “Indeed. Most of us know a lot about you, Yuchan. You’re always here on the sixth floor of this hospital so, why not? You already befriended most of the nurse that is in here, even the doctors.”

He suddenly remembered Gwangsuk and Junyoung, they know a lot about him. Are they even friends before? And even Yebin? Did he do something bad to her to make Yebin hate him? His head hurts a bit but he endured it for the sake of attaining the information that he needs.

 

“Please tell me more. I can’t do this alone,” Yuchan pleads.

“Listen, Yuchan. I can only tell you about the others aside from your muse and his gender, knowing that you’ve been in a dilemna before because of being a homophobe,” Dr. Jung said and sighs.

“I know that I’m into girls, I know that I am straight. But why is it a boy?” he asks, feeling like his head hurts a lot more. He can only remember his muse being a person but he didn’t realize that his muse is a male, not a female.

“Because he’s a male and no matter what happens, you won’t accept your feelings for him because you’re male and so does he. I’ve heard from Junyoung that you remembered what you’ve done to those ladies and regrets it, you’re still the kind-hearted Yuchan that we knew.” Dr. Jung said and stood from his seat to sit beside Yuchan and tapped his shoulders, “You’ve been through a lot and most of it is probably your fault, Yuchan. But that’s life, we kept on making mistakes because we’re not perfect. But we still try it again and again until we can do it properly, right?”

“My muse is a male..” Yuchan mutters, looking at the ground as if he’s glaring at it.

“But you’ve overcome it, Yuchan. You really did. Well, I don’t know if you can remember it but you really did and your muse was thankful of your existence,” Dr. Jung said and smiles a bit.

“I want to see him.” Yuchan said in a firm tone, “I want to see him again.”

Dr. Jung’s smile faded and sighs, “Well, I hope the best for you.”

 

He doesn’t know why but Dr. Jung seems to be hiding an important information about his muse. Regardless of his muse’s real gender, he wants to know more about him. He wants to remember everything along with  emotions that he felt for him. He wants to be okay again, he wants to to be with him. Yet there’s something that kept on bugging him but he couldn’t remember.

He feels like he forgot something really important.

\-------

       Suji was walking on the corridor of the hospital’s sixth floor, after having a conversation with Yuchan’s friends, she suddenly had the urge to visit the brunette and help him on remembering what he forgot. She dislikes hospitals, it’s always filled with an eerie vibe that she couldn’t take.

It’s just 4PM yet she’s getting these kind of vibes so she kept on walking faster until she arrives at the corridor where Yuchan’s room is, but stopped when she heard footsteps following her.

“W-Who’s there?” she asks.

“Are you scared?” a familiar voice asked back but before she could reply, she heard it again “Please don’t be scared.”

“Who are you?” she asked again.

“It would be better if you’ll see it for yourself,” the voice said and Suji turned around, seeing that person smile at him “Hello Suji, we meet again.”

“Wait, what?!” Suji gasped, almost dropping the bag of snacks that she brought for Yuchan.

“Everything’s too complicated right now but would you care to listen to me for a while?” the person asks, smiling apologetically at the female in front of him.

“Junhee.” Suji whispered out, still looking at the male in front of her with widened eyes.

“Pretty please?” Junhee looks so pitiful as if he’s about to beg for Suji’s attention right now and it made her feel bad, she wants to hug him.

Suji nodded, “Sure.”

“Thank you very much, Suji.” Junhee said as gestured her to follow him “It would be better if we’ll about this in my room.”

Suji knows that this conversation would be painful as heck so she prepared herself for the worst, her smile fading as she walk beside this male that she didn’t expect that she’ll be seeing again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this fic. leaving a comment or kudos will be appreciated and i.. need some mutuals in twt so scream w me over there: @introvertedriri


	17. d-9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yuchan remembers something but he couldn't grasp anything about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! sorry for the delayed updates, my confidence on writing has been gone for days and i'm not even that confident about this update. :<
> 
> sorry for being gone too long, i guess? hehe. i'm thinking that this story is going nowhere with all of the nonsensical fillers :< sorry for that ;;
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. JUNHEE SINGING A PART ON UNB'S ONLY ONE KILLED ME Q wQ AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

       YUCHAN GREETED THE MALE THAT IS STUCKED AT HIS BED, looking at the window with those hazel brown eyes that seems to turn a bit dull. He wiped all of the sweat and immediately hugged the male tight, the male was surprised to see him yet his eyes didn't shine just like the usual.

“Hyung.” Yuchan murmurs.

“It’s alright, Yuchan. It’s really alright,” the male said, patting the brunette.

Yuchan shook his head, “I don’t want you to die, hyung!”

“Do you even think that I want to die?” the male retorts, raising an eyebrow “There’s nothing that we can do about this, Chanie.”

“There’s still hope! As long as you can still wake up tomorrow, there’s still hope!” Yuchan insisted, hugging the male tightly.

“Yuchan. Stop,” the male’s tone was filled with authority and it made Yuchan froze for a while “You’re going to hurt yourself with that false hope of yours.”

“This can’t be happening..” Yuchan wanted to cry but he needed to be tough for both of them so he fought back those tears that is about to fall from his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Yuchan.” the male’s voice was filled with regret, grief and sadness that it makes Yuchan want to throw up.

“You don’t have to be sorry, hyung.” Yuchan pulled out of the embrace and forced a smile, “So, how long?”

“The doctors hinted that I might not make it at September,” the male responded, looking down at the sheets.

“But why?” Yuchan bit his lower lip and felt the urge of pulling his hair.

“I don’t know.” the male muttered, forcing a smile on his face before facing the brunette “Let’s not talk about this, it’s making both of us sad. Tell me about your plans on courting your crush instead.”

Yuchan wanted to slap this male and make him realize that he shouldn’t even think about that for now. He’s dying and the doctors already said that he wouldn’t even make it at the first day of September, who are they to predict someone’s death just like that? It made him infuriated but he doesn’t want to make any kind of commotion, he promised him to stay with him until the end.

“Hey, stop spacing out and tell me.” the male said as he flickered Yuchan’s forehead.

“I don’t know, maybe I’ll ask her to go out with me or to hang out with just the two of us?” Yuchan said, still looking down and isn’t in the mood to talk about it.

“You’re so boring,” the male complains, crossing his arms while his brows furrowed.

“You’re supposed to be on my side and help me, not to diss me!” Yuchan hissed, playfully glaring at this male.

“But still, do something cheesy or romantic! What you’re suggesting is too cliche!” the male retorts.

“I don’t know!” Yuchan exclaims.

The male sighs, looking at the ceiling before glancing at Yuchan “Well, it’s up to you. You just have to do well, Yuchan. Don’t say lies or promises that you will just break, just be yourself.”

“Be myself?” Yuchan asks. He still feel a bit bad on what he did before but having friends that could understand him and also, his muse being as nice as he is, he’s doing his best to change for the better.

“Indeed,” the male said, nodding in approval “I think that being yourself is the best way to attract a girl. And if that gal you like is just as simple as she is, she wouldn’t be a picky one.”

“You’re probably right.” Yuchan nods to himself.

“Go get it, tiger!” the male cheered, raising his fists weakly.

 

Yuchan felt worried in all of the sudden, he knew that this male is always supportive to him but there’s something else with that encouragement that he wants to know. But everytime that he looks how this male become skinnier and how his skin paled more than the usual pains him, as if his heart is wrapped around a rose with thorns that kept on prickling it.

 

Witnessing too much beauty hurts, but it gets worse when you reach your hands for it. Just like how he tried to reach out to this male and look where it got him, he had no regrets, nonetheless.

 

 

“You’re encouraging me too much, hyung. It’s like you want me to focus on her and not to visit you anymore,” Yuchan said, laughing a bit.

“Well, it would be better if you’ll just focus on your life with your friends rather than visit me everyday.” the male said as a sad smile was plastered in his face.

“You know that I wouldn’t do that! I won’t leave you!” Yuchan insists.

The male laughed a bit yet Yuchan can notice it, how that laugh is filled with despair and sadness “I know. And that is what I’m worried about.”

“Hyung..” He was about to embrace the older male but he suddenly glared at Yuchan, stopping him on his tracks.

“I mean it, Yuchan.” The lack of this male’s petnames for it along with the stern voice made him flinch “And please, if you’re going to be clingy like this to me whenever we’re alone and those people that adores you isn’t around, kindly stop it. You’re making me look like I’m your second option that you embrace whenever you’re not with those people.”

“What?” Yuchan furrowed his eyebrows.

“Just please stop, it’s making everything worse. The touch, the smiles and just seeing you is driving me crazy,” the male admitted as he looked down and clutched the sheets tight.

“I don’t understand,” Yuchan admits, tilting his head a bit.

The male suddenly looked up to face him and lets out an another laugh, a loud one and people might think that this male heard something funny but Yuchan can notice how heart-wrenching it is “Of course, you wouldn’t. And even if you do, you’ll brush it off as soon as possible. It’s always like that, Yuchan. You’re always like that, but it’s alright. Because I’ll understand you and will always be on your side, I might look stupid or too whipped but that’s always the case. I’ll be on your side no matter what, even though it’s hurting me.”

 

 

Yuchan couldn’t understand him, he wanted to but he couldn’t. But hearing that he hurts him made Yuchan feel like he’s an asshole, he looked at the male with his apologetic eyes. The boy looked like a mess, a beautiful one.

 

“Hyung.” Yuchan wanted to embrace him but he felt afraid that the male would stop him.

“Yuchan, I think that we’ve had enough conversation for now. Please leave,” the male said as he looked away, “And don’t come back until there’s good news about you and Suji-sshi’s relationship.”

“What?! Why?!” Now, Yuchan has the right to retort. He couldn’t believe what he’s hearing, he wants to sulk and stomp his feet like a kid because this male seems to push him away. Of all people, this male should know how he hated that feeling.

“Just don’t visit me until you confess to her, Yuchan. Just don’t. Besides, if you’ll try to disobey me and invade this room, it’s not hard for me to ban you on visiting me.” the male said, smiling a bit.

“No way.” Yuchan said as he clenched his fists. It hurts. The way this male said it while smiling as if it wasn’t hard at all.

“Leave, Yuchan. Before I decide to call a nurse to kick you out,” the male stated, still avoiding his gaze.

 

He wants to retort once again but he lets himself turn his back as he left the room, feeling his heart heavy and falling to the ground. How could he kick him out just like that and threatening him on banning him as if they weren’t friends for years? It felt so unfair and it hurts a lot. He doesn’t want to be pushed away, he wants to stay beside him. But for a reason, this male wants him out of his life.

It's unfair. Yuchan swore his life to be with him until the end.

\-------

       Yuchan kept on eating the chocolates that Suji brought to him yesterday, he really wanted to talk to her but it seems that she was in a hurry and left after giving the snacks to him. He doesn’t know why but it seems like Suji looks so sad that time and she couldn’t even look at him straight in his eyes.

“You’re awake.” The door opened, revealing a frowning Yebin while holding the tray that is supposed to be his breakfast.

“Good morning, Yebin-sshi.” he greeted her and smiled a bit.

“Don’t eat chocolate before eating your breakfast, you’ll lose your appetite.” Yebin reminded him and carefully placed the tray on the desk

Yuchan grins a bit, “Oh, that never happened to me.”

“Whatever,” Yebin said while crossing her arms, “Just remember that you have to attend at Chan-sshi’s therapy session and Gwangsuk-sshi will visit you for your weekly check-ups.”

“Noted. Thank you, Yebin-sshi.”

Yebin raised an eyebrow, “What’s with you and that annoying vibe of yours?”

“It’s my muse. Dr. Jung told me a bit about him,” Yuchan chirps.

Yebin almost gasped and looked at him with a surprised expression “How?”

“He told me a bit to help me, he told me that most of the people that works here knows a lot about me. Even you, Yebin-sshi.” Yuchan said and smiled, “I’m sorry if I couldn’t remember why you hate me.”

“First and foremost, you don’t deserve to be forgiven.” Yebin retorted, glaring at Yuchan.

Yuchan scratched his cheek and nods, “I know.”

“You don’t even deserve him. After hurting him and saying that you won’t like someone like him, you’re going to search for him? For what? To hurt him again?” Yebin said in an icy tone before laughing “You know the sad thing about that? He probably blames himself.”

“I’m sorry. I really couldn’t recall what you’re talking about,” Yuchan said as he sighs, “But hey, have you seen Jun? Is he alright? He hasn’t been visiting me for days, Yebin-sshi.”

“None of your business,” Yebin scoffed as she walked out of the room, muttering something and closing the door.

Yuchan really wanted to ask her why she’s acting like that but everytime that he’s about to ask, the female nurse is already walking out of the door, annoyed at Yuchan’s presence. But he noticed that no matter how her words sting, it isn’t something that could trigger him to have a panic attack. In fact, during the two days that he had been blaming himself after knowing the truth of his dark past, Yebin isn’t even retorting or doesn’t even show any kind of happiness in his suffering. She’s aware how it hurts and chose not to be rude on the time that she shouldn’t, Yebin still have a bit of sympathy to him and Yuchan is really thankful because of that.

He took his art materials again and started to think about Jun in all of the sudden, he missed that friend of his. He wondered if he’s in his own room, prohibited on going outside to rest.

 

He looked at the calendar and saw the date, only a few days before the end of May. Maybe it’s a coincidence but it seemed like the sunshine from outside shined brighter when he realized what is going to happen soon, Yuchan’s jaw dropped.

 

“June 2..” he whispered out before looking at his sketchbook, “That’s it!”

 

 

It was Jun’s birthday. He doesn’t know why he is in a hurry but he immediately took his pencil and started to sketch, and unlike his rushed ones, this sketch wouldn’t be like that. He doesn’t care how long it will take him but he needs to finish it before the second day of June. Now, he can repay Jun’s kindness.

 

He stared at the sketch before furrowing his brows in frustration, he suddenly felt uneasy on continuing the sketch. For an unknown reason, an image of Jun with pink hair that is sitting at a familiar bed popped out of his mind. He flinched and dropped the pencil, feeling a bit dizzy and weird. 

 

The cosmos. The room. The necklace. And in all of the sudden, everything felt so weird until he saw himself in a black and white scenario as if he’s in a movie and he couldn’t move his whole body. Everything felt so heavy and painful yet with the last bits of his senses, he can feel someone holding his right hand along with the sobs. 

 

 

“ Just like this, I’ll protect you.  
Just as beautiful as you are.” he heard someone’s voice singing a song, a beautiful one “You’re my only one.”

 

 

And Yuchan gasped, he looked everywhere and realized that he’s still on his own room. He raised his right hand and stared at it, feeling like it was still held by that person—his muse. That person is definitely his muse, singing him a lullaby. Or was the song for something else?

 

 

“That voice,” he muttered as he clutched his head, “It’s definitely him.”

 

 

He felt like he heard that voice before but he couldn’t remember where, as if every memories of his muse had been disappearing. He kept on chasing him, his memories with him but he couldn’t. As if something’s blocking him on obtaining it, he felt so mad at himself. How could he forget the most important person in his life like this?

 

His muse probably felt lonely and is still waiting for him to be seek by Yuchan yet here he is, couldn’t even remember him or his name. Heck, he didn’t even remembered his gender.

 

 

He tried to continue sketching but everytime he tries to draw a line or two, his hand betrays him and kept on trembling. Not just his own hand, his senses seems to betray him too. He felt so frustrated that he literally threw his sketchbook and pencil away, landing on the ground. Yuchan curled in a ball as he shut his eyes close. He needs to rest for a while, he couldn’t focus on what he’s doing for now.

\-------

       MEANWHILE, at the mini-park of a certain university lies three male underneath a familiar bench. The three of them seems to be in a very deep thought before someone, the smallest male broke the silence.

 

“This place is too nostalgic, don’t you think?” Byeongkwan asked with a sad smile.

Donghun nodded, “Indeed.”

“I suddenly remembered the five of us in this place before,” Byeongkwan stated before scratching his cheek, “It seems like Yuchan’s condition is getting better.”

“But do you think that he’ll regain his memories?” Sehyoon asked in all of the sudden, looking at the cherry blossoms above them.

“Who knows?” Donghun stated as he shrugged.

“I hope not,” Byeongkwan answered as he looked at the ground, “Yuchan wouldn’t take it.”

“But don’t you think that he deserves to know the truth?” Donghun asked him.

“Maybe.” Byeongkwan said before sighing “But it’ll cause him pain. He won’t be able to forgive himself for what happened.”

 

“I know.” Sehyoon said while chuckling a bit “But I think that Suji-sshi wants him to know the truth, Byeongkwan.”

“I’ve also heard that Yoon is also cooperating with her,” Donghun added.

Byeongkwan looked at them with widened eyes, “What?! So, you’re all expecting him to remember everything?”

“Yes. And I know that you want him to remember everything too,” Sehyoon said before glancing at the shorter male beside him, “Isn’t that right, Byeongkwan?”

 

 

Byeongkwan looked at both of them in disbelief but sighed as he shook his head, they’re stubborn and couldn’t be stopped once that they decided what’s the right thing to do. And he remembered it again, a vague memory of five men underneath the cherry blossoms, enjoying the view and also the shared moments. He smiled, reminiscing the happy moments before opening his eyes again.

 

 

There will always be four people with him, that is what they promised to each other. He might be selfless to think that Yuchan deserves to forget everything but he’ll always have that selfish side of him to wish that Yuchan will be aware of what happened two months ago, on a rainy day as if the skies were crying for something—or was it someone?

 

 

“Yuchan’s kinda running out of time, I just hope that he’ll remember everything sooner or later.” Sehyoon said as he stood up “And he have a lot to catch up especially on what happened here.”

“I agree,” Donghun said as he and Byeongkwan stood “Don’t you think that we should visit him soon?”

“Probably no, let Suji and Yoon help him for now. Also the ones at the hospital,” Sehyoon replied “Besides, when he's out of the hospital, that's our time to help him.”

“You’re probably right,” Donghun stated before looking at Byeongkwan, “So, Byeongkwan. What do you think? Do you want him to remember or to forget?”

 

 

Byeongkwan wanted to laugh. This is so pathetic, so pathetic that he wanted to laugh out loud. He wanted to think that this is nothing but a big, fat joke but no, he should focus on this. This isn’t any kind of prank or a situation that can’t be fixed. And he wants to laugh because whether he picks a decision or not, it’s all up to Yuchan.

 

But of course, thinking what’s the best for his friend isn’t that bad.

 

 

“Of course, I want him to remember.” Byeongkwan said in a playful tone before looking up at the cherry blossoms once again, “Besides, he really need to remember him. How can Kang Yuchan forget his muse? How can anyone forget such a wonderful person like Park Junhee?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this fic! comments are really appreciated! ^^ i'd love to see 'em!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of arguments and realizations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello. here's a 4.3k update. umm.. idk why i'm saying this but lately, i've been a bit uncomfortable on how i write. it's always twisted or sad or tragic.. i can't even write fluff or something that is happy :< i feel so jealous of other ppl that is able to write happy stuff q wq) 
> 
> welp. it can't be helped. but someday.. i'll try. i'll try to write a story that is neither sad, tragic or twisted. sOmEdAy :< AND THE NEXT CHAPTER MIGHT BE LONG SINCE THERE WILL BE A REVELATION.. SINCE IT'S ONLY SEVEN CHAPS TO GO AND THIS LAME FIC'S D O N E ~ u w u

       ALMOST EVERYONE IS LOOKING AT YUCHAN, he looked like a mess and even his friends wouldn’t deny it. They looked at their friend with a worried look before sharing glances. Of course, they’re aware of what the male did to Yuchan and they couldn’t even blame him for being like this. It’s just that it is rare for someone as cheerful as Yuchan to express his distress like this.

 

“Yuchan, do you want to talk about it?” Sehyoon asked

Yuchan shook his head, “You won’t be able to help me with it, hyung. There’s no need to talk about it.”

“But it could lessen your distress, kid.” Donghun said while tapping Yuchan’s back, “C’mon now, Chan.”

“I just wanted to be with him until the end, he kept on pushing me away lately. That I should be with Suji instead of hanging out at his room,” Yuchan mumbled before looking at Byeongkwan, “Hyung, why is he acting like that?”

“This is not the right place to talk about this,” Byeongkwan said, looking at the three “How about hanging out at the mini-park for a while?”

Yuchan’s eyes widened “But I’ll be having classes in an hour.”

“It won’t be that long, we’ll just talk about it.” Byeongkwan said as he started to walk, “Hurry up.”

 

The three followed Byeongkwan as they’ve arrived to their favorite bench, the bench where they used to sit when his muse visited this school and Byeongkwan along with Sehyoon decides to hang out with them. Seeing how happy his muse was made Yuchan happy too, as if his muse’s happiness is also his own. As if they’re connected to each other—remembering it made Yuchan feel so nostalgic and smiled a bit.

 

“Missed him already?” Byeongkwan asked.

Yuchan nods, “Already.”

“But let me ask you something, why are you like that when it comes to him?” Byeongkwan asked again, sitting beside Sehyoon.

“Why?” Yuchan muttered before looking at the ground, “Because we’ve been friends for a long time and I’m worried, especially now that they.. they made a deadline for him.”

“But Yuchan, haven’t you noticed something? Aside from that, you’ve been so affectionate to him. You’re always thinking of him and of course, whenever he needs you, you’re always ready to get to him no matter what happens.” Byeongkwan stated, “Heck, being a bestfriend like that is amazing but let me ask you something, is he too beautiful for you? Is there a certain moment that you felt like you’re the happiest whenever you’re with him?”

“O-Of course, he’s too beautiful. Too much that it hurts. Too much that I would even hesitate to touch such a delicate person. Too much that there are times that I couldn’t breathe properly by just seeing his smiles,” Yuchan admitted, feeling his face heating up so he drooped his head “And I’m always happy whenever I’m with him, there are times that both of us were sad but we’re happy to be with each other.”

“As his bestfriend, do you think that thinking like for him is just one of the perks of being a bestfriend? Or was it something more than that?” Donghun suddenly asked, understanding what Byeongkwan is trying to imply.

“Why? Is it bad to think like that to him?” Yuchan asked, tilting his head a bit.

“Are you that dense? Or you’re just too insensitive?” Sehyoon suddenly said as he raised an eyebrow, “I’m sorry, Yuchan. But you’re too much that I should enlighten you about everything.”

“Sehyoon, calm down.” Byeongkwan said as he held the black-haired male’s arm gently while Donghun gave him a look.

Sehyoon shook his head as he huffed, “I am calm. It’s just that Yuchan needs to realize this sooner or later, he’s the one that will be in pain in the end if he’ll realize it later. He needs to know it as soon as possible, Byeongkwan. I know that Donghun hyung wants him to realize it too.”

“Realize what?” Yuchan asked as he looked at the three older male before gulping, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, you didn’t.” Donghun clarifies, “But you have to realize something.”

“Yuchan, do you think that bestfriends would cuddle and hold each other like they never want to be separated? Do you think that bestfriends would intertwine their hands and smile at each other as if their hand fits each other? Do you even think that bestfriends would even risk everything—even their own happiness for the other one? What do you think, Yuchan?” Sehyoon asked in a firm tone.

Yuchan shook his head, “No. That is too much, hyung.”

“See? Now do you realize that you’re like that to him? Do you even think of him as a bestfriend? By the way you act and talk, you don’t see him as one. Sorry for saying this to a homophobic dude like you but Kang Yuchan..” Sehyoon took a deep breathe before looking at the youngest with an icy stare with a bit of warmth in it—probably comfort? “You’re in love with him.”

“What?” Yuchan is so dumbfounded. They went here to talk about his muse and in all of the sudden, it turned into this?

“You’re in love with him, Yuchan. Believe me, almost everyone can see it. How you love him yet you’re the only one that kept on distracting yourself because you kept on being a coward..” Sehyoon said.

“No way, hyung. That is impossible,” Yuchan denied but why does he feel like everytime he denies it, his heart was like being squeezed by something? And it hurts.

“Yuchan. Sehyoon’s right. You love him,” Byeongkwan agrees, nodding his head “But knowing that you’re a homophobic person, you probably kept on denying it to yourself. I’m sure that you’ve felt it, your feelings for him.”

 

He wants to disagree on what Byeongkwan said to him but as he tries to think of an excuse, memories of him resisting the urge to hug the pink-haired male whenever he wants to along with the clutching of chest whenever he’s feeling like he’s suffocated by just looking at him. He wants to disagree but realizing his actions makes him want to punch himself.

 

 

“Yuchan, please realize it as soon as possible. Stop denying everything and confess already, he’s waiting for you. He’s probably waiting for the time that you’ll realize it but because you kept on pushing him away, he disregards his own happiness and chose to push you away from him too.” Donghun explained, smiling sadly at the younger male, “I feel sorry for you, Chan. Really. You’re too afraid of everyone’s opinions about you that you’ve became a puppet of their own.”

“I don’t get it..” Yuchan murmured before looking up to meet his hyungs’ gaze “Why are you like that? I already told you that I like Suji yet you’re trying to fool me that I like him?”

“It’s not us that is trying to fool you, Yuchan. It’s yourself..” Sehyoon said as he frowned.

“I don’t like him and that’s it!” Yuchan blurted out as he stood.

“Really? Then why didn’t you even felt so attached to the girls you destroyed before? You should've felt a bit of admiration to them but no, all you felt is  attraction because they have a pretty face and because they look innocent.” Sehyoon said before smirking.

“Hyung, you’re misunderstanding everything.” Yuchan said as he clenched his fists, “I like Suji. I like her. I like a girl, a girl that is lively and healthy. Not a boy. Not him. Not like him that is sick and frail! Not like him that is about to die sooner or later!”

“What an asshole.” Donghun said in all of the sudden before standing up to grab the brunette’s collar, “Yuchan! For fuck’s sake! Realize it already! Fuck society and its expectations to you, I know how you hate it yet you still kept on trying to reach their expectations. What a sissy.”

“Donghun, calm down!” Byeongkwan tried to interfere but one glare from the eldest and he’s already cowering in fear behind Sehyoon. He knew that a mad Donghun is something that he shouldn’t interact to.

“I already told you that I don’t like him. No..” Yuchan still kept on denying it.

Donghun glared at him before letting go of the brunette’s collar before scoffing, “You’re so pitiful, Yuchan. He doesn’t deserve someone like you, I’ve had enough of your bullshit. You’re such a fucking sissy.”

 

As Donghun walked away, Sehyoon immediately gave Yuchan a weird glance before following the eldest. He was left with Byeongkwan that was frowning the whole time, he felt bad for his hyung. He didn’t want them to have an argument but Donghun provoked him. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault, it’s their fault. Really.

 

“Yuchan, please. You’re not just hurting yourself because of that..” Byeongkwan said in a soft voice “You’re also hurting him. Probably even twice than how you hurt yourself by denying your true emotions.”

 

 

He felt like something rang inside his head as he heard the words, Byeongkwan immediately left him and he was alone in the mini-park. He suddenly thought of his muse being in pain and he felt like his heart broke a piece, he doesn’t want to hurt him. But he doesn’t like him just like how Donghun explained. That’s just impossible.

And what would the others think about that? They would mock him. They’ll hate him. He doesn’t want that to happen. Not at all.

 

\-------

       AS YUCHAN WOKE UP, he squinted his eyes before yawning. He didn’t even slept well, rolling around his bed as he kept on thinking about his dream. An argument with his hyungs because of his muse, he felt so stupid for not listening to them. He wants to punch himself for being an insensitive idiot, his friends just wanted him to realize his feelings for his muse.

Yet he still kept on denying it. What an idiot he was.

He attended his daily therapy session with Chan and Gwangsuk visited him to check his condition. Junyoung and Yebin take turns on checking Yuchan and gave him his meal before leaving the brunette alone. It felt so dull that he puffed his cheeks while hugging both of his knees. He was so bored.

 

His eyes suddenly landed on the back of his hands that used to be clean and beautiful but is now covered with long, ugly scars. It made him scrunch his nose and cringe but he knew that it’s an evidence on how he tried to fight for his life, it’s an evidence that he survived. He smiled a bit before taking his sketchbook, he felt bad for throwing it yesterday.

 

 

“I can do this..” Yuchan murmured before opening the sketchbook, he took a deep breath and nods “Yuchan, you can do it.”

 

 

He started to sketch once again, unlike his rushed works, he did this slowly as he think of Jun’s features. From the shape of his face up to the details that he needs, those feline-like eyes and thin lips. He did his best to make a progress but immediately stopped when he felt like he’s going to get frustrated sooner or later. Yuchan pouted and closed his sketchbook before placing it on the bag beside his bed.

 

 

“Yuchan, you have a visitor.” Just in time, Junyoung opened the door and he looked at the nurse “Should I let her in?”

“Her?” It’s probably Suji. He’s certain about it. “Okay.”

 

 

 

Junyoung immediately went out  and in a few minutes, Suji arrived in his room. Yuchan can notice how her smile looks genuine yet a bit melancholic. She went to the chair beside Yuchan’s bed and smiled wider, making the brunette smile back to her.

 

 

“Hello Suji-sshi,” Yuchan greets.

Suji nods, “Hello.”

“I didn’t had the chance to talk to you when you gave those sweets, I want to thank you for those chocolates.” Yuchan said and pouted.

“Sorry, it’s just that I’m a bit frustrated.” Suji mumbled as she sighed while her smile faded “And I want to talk to you about something.”

“About what?” Yuchan asked, tilting his head.

“I will talk, okay? Just listen to me and don’t butt in to any of it until I’m finished talking,” Suji said as she crossed her arms, “Please, Yuchan?”

Yuchan nods, letting the girl have her chance to talk “Okay.”

“Here goes nothing..” Suji took a deep breath, “Yuchan. I really want to clarify that you don’t like me, you really don’t. I’ve told you that months ago, making you realize that the feelings you’re trying to express isn’t for me but for your muse. You probably thought that I was your muse, right? But no, I’m not that person.”

“And even I could never be as ethereal as that person, Yuchan. Never in a million years. And also, I’m not into men like you. So even though you’ll try to convince me and also yourself that you like me, I’ll reject you. Because in the first place, we’re not meant for each other.” Suji added, “I’m sorry for not telling you this as soon as possible, Chanie. I was really going to explain you everything but your nurse kicked me out, not that I can blame her, you did something mean to her too. You're really a troublesome boy before. So, that’s it.”

Suji isn't expecting Yuchan to giggle a bit, making her brows furrowed “Suji, I know.”

“You.. what?” Suji widened her eyes and gasped, “I thought you’ve forgotten them, Chan.”

“But I've remembered about him because his doctor told me, about his real gender.” Yuchan said as he smiled a bit, “It’s kind of funny, all of the memories I’ve been recalling is in this hospital too. What a small world.”

Suji felt a bit relieved on seeing Yuchan’s smile, as if some of the weight on his shoulders had lessen “It’s a good thing that you’ve remembered a bit of your memory.”

“I still can’t remember his face and his name and I have to find him on this hospital,” Yuchan said, looking at the window “I have to apologize to him. I suddenly remembered how I kept on insisting that I have feelings for you that I’ve almost had an argument with my friends.”

“Well, that’s because you’re an idiot.” Suji deadpans, resting her head at her hand.

“I know. And I regret it.. not being honest with myself, that is. It made everything worse,” Yuchan admitted before sighing.

“But hey, can you remember what happened after that argument? Your confession to me? My confession to you? And you realizing that you’ve been an ass?” Suji asked, raising an eyebrow.

Yuchan shook his head, “Nope.”

“Just as I expected,” Suji said before she straightened her posture, “Well, prepare yourself. I’m going to tell you everything that happened during that time but I won’t mention your muse’s name, okay?”

“Okay.”

 

\------

 

SUJI WIPED HER SWEAT WITH A TOWEL AS THEIR PRACTICE ENDED, immediately sitting on one of the seats on their court. Their instructor immediately left as the others rested for a while just like her, regaining some strength before changing their clothes and going home. 

 

“Hey.” She suddenly looked beside her to see Yuchan smiling. Oh, what a pure smile for someone that is actually tainted.

 

 

She was aware of it. Yuchan’s issues. Why? Because someone told her and she isn’t like one of those people that believe Yuchan is an innocent sunshine, she didn’t despise him though. She can relate to the boy a bit, she want to comfort him and be his friend—both of them can relate to each other, anyway. It’s just that Suji has something that Yuchan didn’t— the apathy on other people’s opinions to her.

 

“Hey there, Yuchan.” She greeted him back, “Aren’t you supposed to be home?”

“It’s just 4:30 PM. And what’s with that question? Aren’t you suppose to say how cute am I?” Yuchan asked, smiling as his eyes crinkled.

Suji sighed before squeezing Yuchan’s cheeks “You’re cute. That’s a fact but Kijung’s cuter. You know him? That first year boy with squishy cheeks from the Music club?”

“Hey! Stop mentioning other people! Just focus on me!” Yuchan complained while puffing his cheeks, “I’m cute too! Appreciate me more!”

“Hey, calm down.” Suji said and chuckled, “But seriously, why are you here? You should’ve went home or visited that friend of yours in the hospital.”

“Well, he kicked me out. He doesn’t want me to visit him for a long time,” Yuchan said as he pouted but immediately shook his head before facing Suji, “Well, let’s not talk about him. Let’s talk about us!”

“What about us?” Suji tilted her head.

Yuchan put his index finger on the middle of his lips before winking, “That’s a secret for now. I’ll tell you something important so meet me at the rooftop in thirty minutes.”

“What? Hey, Yucha—” Before Suji can continue her speech, Yuchan is already sprinting out of the court. She sighed “What a douche.”

 

 

She had no choice but to comply, immediately going at the girls’ shower room to clean herself off the sweat and dirt then wore her clothes. She looked at her phone for a while and smiled as a message was seen at the notifications.

 

‘Hello, sweetie. How’s practice? xoxo’

 

After replying a short ‘It’s fine’ and sending it, she took her bag and proceed to the rooftop. She’s aware of what’s about to happen and she won’t even like Yuchan back. Because how is she going to like him when in the first place, she was already taken? That she loves someone else? She feels sorry about him but she’ll help him, help him realizing what he’s been feeling for that sickly male on a hospital on the other side of the city. 

 

 

“Yuchan,” she said as she opened the door, revealing the male looking at the skies which immediately turned his back to face her.

Yuchan smiled a bit, a smile that can captivate any people and makes them smile back to him “Suji.”

“So, what are you going to tell me?” Suji casually asked.

“It’s really a bit embarassing but Suji.. I really like you,” Yuchan said as he averted his gaze, “You’re too energetic and beautiful that I couldn’t take my eyes off you. You’re also a nice person so it’s not a hard thing to fall for someone like you. I-If you’d like to, I want to ask you out on a date.”

Suji can see how Yuchan seems to be distressed and felt a bit of pity to the male before sighing “No.”

“W-What?” Yuchan looks so surprised.

“I said no, Yuchan. I’m sorry but how can you confess looking like you’re in pain?” Suji asked, tilting her head a bit as if she's confused “Seriously, I knew that you’re going to confess like whag you did to those girls. Then what? Play with my heart?”

Yuchan’s face paled, “H-How?”

“Not all people would be deceived by your innocent face, Yuchan. And I have some connections..” Suji said as she leaned on the door, “You know what? You’re so pitiful. I really want to help you, Yuchan.”

“Suji, it’s not like what you think. I won’t play with your heart! You’ve been a great friend to me and I already promised him that I wouldn’t do it aga—” Yuchan suddenly stopped when he remembered his muse before looking down “Sorry, Suji. I must’ve made you uncomfortable.”

 

 

Suji felt bad for him, he is so miserable. Seeing his true emotion behind that facade of his is kind of making her sad, having the urge to hug and comfort Yuchan.

 

 

“I’m not mad at you, Yuchan. You’re just confused and frustrated, I’ve been in that state before. I almost wanted to disappear because everything is too confusing but I kept on being strong and faced my fears, it’s.. worth it,” Suji said as she remembered a certain person before smiling “It’s something that you have to face before getting a treasure.”

“Worth it? What is it?” Yuchan asked.

“Do you know Euna? One of your muse’s friends along with Yoon?” Suji asked.

Suji saw how Yuchan’s expression darken with the mention of his muse's other male friend before nodding “She’s close to him too.”

“Guess what?” Suji said before placing her left hand on her chest “She's my girlfriend!”

Yuchan’s eyes widened and dropped his jaw “What?!”

“She's my girlfriend. I’m not straight, Yuchan. And I can relate to you and your shitty situations because I’ve been there—except the playing with women’s heart and destroying their future part,” Suji stated.

“But.. that's wrong. That is definitely wrong.. dating a girl,” Yuchan said as he kept on shaking his head.

“I know. But who fucking cares about their opinions? As long as I’m happy, everything’s fine.” Suji said as she raised her hands as if she’s reaching for the skies “And I feel so free, being true to myself after denying it. It feels so good and I am not suffocated by anything! Unfortunately, you haven't experienced it yet.”

“W-Why would I even experience that? I'm fine and I'm straight as a ruler,” Yuchan admits.

Suji rolled her eyes “Bullshit. You’re 100% gay for your sick boy, Yuchan. You kept on sketching him then talks about him nonstop. Heck, I wouldn’t even be surprised if you’ll make a statue for him and worship him! You’re too whipped for him!”

 

“No.. stop it. That's not true!” Yuchan tried to cover his ears.

“Stop denying it. Stop making a fool out of yourself,” Suji said while she went in front of him.

“No!” Yuchan screamed.

“You’re too afraid, Yuchan. You can't be like that forever, stop wasting your chances. You need to man up and tell him what you feel,” Suji said while tapping Yuchan’s shoulder, “I know that you’re scared on what your family, friends and those other people might think about you but if they really care for you, they’ll understand you.”

“All of you kept on saying that I love him.. why? Why can’t you believe me?” Yuchan asked as he shut his eyes close “Please believe me.. I’m doing my best.”

“Yuchan, please.. stop fooling yourself,” Suji said and she hugged the male, “It’s been a tough one, you’re just afraid of the consequences but I know that you really want to be with him. You just kept on denying it because you’re scared but please, man up. I know that you can do it.”

 

 

Yuchan kept on shaking and it made Suji feel worse, she wants to make him realize but Yuchan has been too deep in his own world. He has been addicted on reaching other people's expectations that it had became a part of him, a part of him that consumes all of his sanity. It made her realize how miserable he is and hugged him tighter.

 

 

“Yuchan. Are you going to hide it until he dies?” She felt sorry for saying this but maybe this could trigger Yuchan's feelings.

Yuchan flinched, “What?”

“Yuchan, you need to tell him sooner or later.” Suji said as she pulled out of the hug and held Yuchan’s face.

“He probably hates me, he even kicked me out..” Yuchan said as he looked down, “And I don’t know.. I'm scared. He might not like me, I’m really scared.”

“But you need to try it.” Suji said, pursuading him.

“He doesn’t want me to come back until there’s an improvement on our relationship, I’ve told him about you and even thought that I like you too much.” Yuchan said and averted his gaze, “He’s pushing me away because he’s dying and wants me to forget him by focusing or having a girlfriend. He’s so selfless..”

“So, are you going to admit that you like him?” Suji asked, smiling a bit.

Yuchan's cheeks were dusted in pink “I a-am not sure yet but if that's true then I should confess, right?”

Suji nods, “Yes.”

“But he doesn’t want me to visit him,” Yuchan said in a small voice and pouted.

“Leave it to me. I’ll confront him and explain that it’s a misunderstanding!” Suji said in a cheerful tone.

 

 

 

It made Yuchan a bit curious. Suji is helping him despite him trying to fool her along with himself, he doesn’t know why but he wants to be sucked into a black hole and disappear. He's such an asshole. And now, he realized how he was scared of other people's opinions and it made him feel like he's a coward. That his reputation is the most important thing in his life.

 

He felt a bit of envy towards Suji, he wanted to be like her. To smile like her, to smile a genuine one without any hesitations and 'what-if's' running around his mind.

 

 

“Why are you helping me?” he asked in all of the sudden.

Suji grinned at him, “I've already told you about it. Because I can relate to you and we're friends! Friends are supposed to help each other.”

“Thank you..” Yuchan looked down.

“Don’t be sorry for what you've done. Just like what I've said, you're just confused and made a bunch of mistakes. Unforgivable, yes.. but you learned your lesson, right? Now, move forward!” Suji said and raised her fists, “Yuchan. Don’t waste this chance, tell him what you feel as soon as possible!”

“What I feel..” He suddenly remembered his muse, his smiles and how his eyes shine just like the stars in the night sky. It made him smile as he held the necklace with a sun symbol in it “Alright then..”

 

 

He’s still confuse but he’s certain that his muse.. makes him feel this way. And this feeling is love. He's still grasping the truth but Suji's words hits him too hard, because they're true. And he swore to himself that he wouldn't miss this chance. It's now or never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this fic! comments are appreciated! ;;
> 
>  
> 
> p.s. those leaked mixnine evaluation vids made me cry a bit. i'm so proud of wowdongson q w q


	19. d-7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of all the things that Yuchan realized, the last one's definitely the worse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyaaaa u w u  
> so um.. i'm really not confident w this chapter q wq sorry if it's too lame. idk what to do anymore w my confidence on writing ;;;; haha also sorry for the errors. it's 4am and i'm really sleepy now so.. enjoy this chap, i guess?

       YUCHAN WAS HAVING A NICE CHAT WITH HIS FRIENDS AFTER THEIR PROFESSOR LEFT, when one of them pointed at the door. He looked at the direction and saw Suji standing there while looking at Yuchan as if she had been waiting for him.

“Excuse me,” Yuchan said in a polite way and smiled at them

They went out of the room and he was kind of nervous, Suji visited his muse yesterday and he’s lowkey hoping that everything would be just fine. 

“I talked to him,” Suji said as he twirl some of her hair with her left hand “He’s too pure, Yuchan. I can’t believe that there can be as selfless and dense just like him. He’s too pure for you.”

“I know.”

“I explained him everything and you know what? He looks so relieved,” Suji said before giggling, “But when I visited him yesterday, I can’t help but feel bad for both of you. He.. he was around those life-supporting machines and he was so weak.”

“But he still looks breathtakingly gorgeous, don’t you think?” Yuchan asked before smiling.

Suji nods, “Agreed.”

“What did the two of two talked about?” Yuchan suddenly asked.

“Well, most of our conversation is about you. He seems to like it when we’re talking about you, he looks so whipped. He kept on smiling throughout the whole conversation, Yuchan.” Suji stated before smiling a bit, “Like you’re his hope or something, he looks so happy when your name is mentioned. I swear to god that both of you were too whipped on each other!”

“But what if he doesn’t like me?" Yuchan asked, looking down ag the ground while pouting.

“Then he doesn’t like you, that's   
it. But, at least, you’ve managed to confess to him and I think that it’s a wonderful thing.” Suji said before holding Yuchan's right hand with both of her hands, “Have some faith on yourself, Yuchan. At least, you’ve finally obtained the courage that you need.”

“Despite being an asshole, you still helped me.” Yuchan murmured and drooped his head, “My friends are still mad at me for saying mean stuff about him but you.. thank you,Suji.”

“You’re welcome, Yuchan.” Suji stated and grinned, it reminded Yuchan of the infamous Chesire Cat’s grin.

“I’ll do my best, Suji. I will.” Yuchan said as he nodded.

 

Definitely easier said than done. It took him three days to have enough courage to arrive in front of his muse’s door. He still felt a bit scared on what might his expression be, once that he see Yuchan. Is he disappointed with him or is he going to be happy? The thought made Yuchan shudder and he can feel his hands shaking furiously while holding the doorknob.

“Are you going in or not?” Yukjun suddenly asked that made him turn around, almost squealing.

“I-I..” He couldn’t find the exact words as he started to blush because of too much embarassment.

“Are you going to confess to him? I’ve heard Gwangsuk-hyung talking about it,” Yukjun said as he smiled, “I’m happy for the both of you, Yuchan.”

“Wait! I haven’t even confessed to him yet!” Yuchan denies, shaking his head furiously.

Yukjun’s smile became wider, “So you’re really going to confess.”

“Oh gosh..” Yuchan wanted to be ingulfed by a black hole, he’s so embarassed.

“You don’t need to be embarassed because of that, Yuchan-sshi. I think that you’re an admirable person because of that,” Yukjun said while smiling at him, “As you can see, being in here means that you have the courage to confess. You're a brave person to face such a situation like this.”

“But still..” Yuchan wanted to retort but he’s too immorsed on the overwhelming embarassment.

“You can do it,” Yukjun said while raising both of his fists.

Yuchan smiled at him despite his cheeks being flushed with red because of the embarassment that he’s still feeling “Thank you.”

 

Yukjun nods before walking away from the room, making Yuchan sighed in relief. He's still feeling embarassed on doing this, it feels weird. He confessed a lot of times to different women with a confident expression yet he looks like he is about to faint right now, it’s difficult. Suddenly, confessing seems to be difficult for a smooth talker like him. Feeling a lot of emotions surging around his body along with the pounding of his own heart that seems to be faster than a cheetah running and louder than the thunder, he feels so dizzy.

 

He wondered why his muse have an effect to him like this, the overwhelming sensation is driving him insane. He kept on thinking a lot of ‘what-ifs’ and possible situations, which is definitely a bad idea, making him more panicked than he currently is.

 

“Just open the goddamn door! Damn it!” He suddenly turne around to see Binbin with a fuming expression peeking in the other side of the corridor along with Yukjun and Gwangsuk.

“Oh crap! He saw us!” Gwangsuk exclaims before hiding again, “Code red! The target has detected us!”

Yukjun sighed, “Oh my god. I’m with a bunch of dorks.”

“Well. You are a dork too!” Binbin retorts.

 

 

He couldn’t help but chuckle a bit before taking a deep breath, he gripped on the doorknob tight. With a smile, he twisted it and opened the door. It’s now or never. Literally.

The first thing that he see is his muse, looking at the window while sitting on his bed before turning his head to his direction. Yuchan suddenly forgot how to breathe properly, this male can take his breath away, take all of it. Even his last breath.

 

“Hello Yuchan.” his muse greeted with a small smile.

 

 

It hurts. Seeing him smile makes him smile too, that infectious smile. His starlight is too bright that he doesn’t mind to be in such a dark place filled with gloom and despair as long as he’s here.  

 

“Hello.” Yuchan wanted to say something more but that is all that he could say for now, his mind is currently a mess like his emotions.

“Suji-sshi visited me yesterday, she’s really a beautiful lady. And I like her personality, she’s a great person.” His muse said before sighing, “And the fact that she’s Euna’s lover makes me so happy for Euna. I’m sure that she’s going to take care of her and that they’ll be happy with each other. I’m so thankful of her, she makes someone important in my life to be happy. A love like theirs.. I’m jealous.”

Yuchan gulped, “Well, there is probably someone that would fall for you.”

“For me?” His muse asked before chuckling softly and shaking his head, “That’s impossible, Yuchan.”

“Nothing’s impossible.” he insisted.

“Well..” His muse suddenly became quiet and coughed a bit before smiling, “Sorry. My immune system’s malfunctioning nowadays and I got myself a cough.”

“Please rest,” Yuchan said and went to sit on the seat beside his muse’s bed.

“I kept on resting since I was eight, Yuchan. The feeling of being in here since I was eight years old, it’s getting a bit tiring.” His muse stated before laughing, “How ironic. Resting too much tires me out.”

“Don’t talk like that,” Yuchan said and looked down. He feels bad for his muse whenever he talks like this.

“I’m sorry. You’re probably upset with me, right?” His muse asked, “Suji-sshi explained everything to me. I’m sorry for pushing you away, I just thought that if you’ll be with her, you’ll be happy. I just want you to be happy but I guess that I’ve been too much. Please forgive me, Yuchan.”

 

He saw how apologetic he looked yet he’s still breathtakingly gorgeous that Yuchan wanted to embrace him and never let go, he wants to be with him. His empty heart being filled up with the sleeping senses that woke up, it’s too much. The feeling is too intoxicating and he’s kind of worried that he might go crazy because of it. What a dork.

 

“There’s no need to apologize. I should be the one that is apologizing,” Yuchan said as he held his muse’s heart, “I probably made you upset, right?”

“I would never be upset with you, Yuchan. Never in a million years.” His muse said as he intertwined their hands “You’ve been really special to me. A lot of people just passed by or glanced at me with a pitiful look but you.. you reached your hand to me and invaded my life. Without you, it’s probably a dull one. You’re like the sun, lighting up the whole world. So, how in the world will I be upset on my sun? I should be grateful because he’s still here.”

Yuchan felt his face heating up as he avoided his gaze, “You’re too cheesy.”

“But this is what I truly feel, Yuchan. I wouldn’t lie or sugarcoat,” His muse assured him and smiled, “There are times that I just want to sleep forever and you know that I’m a bit pessimistic. On bad days, I kept on asking God why I was born like this. Asking him if he wants me to suffer or if he hates me but whenever the negative thoughts kept on breaking me, just thinking about you makes me forget. Forget about my health condition and everything else, I just kept on thinking about you. Only you and nobody else. And I've found the answer to my questions, maybe I was born like this to meet you on that corridor on a starry night. To be my star that shines for me during the darkest night, being as bright and lovely as you are.”

“Um..” Yuchan is currently speechless. Everything's a mess, he is supposed to be confessing yet why is his muse talking like he’s going to be the one confessing his feelings?

“I really want you to know that I’m thankful of you, you’ve been a great person. You might have some flaws but no one’s perfect, right? It makes you.. you, I guess?” His muse sighed, “Oh, I talked a lot again. I’m sorry. Why are you here again?”

“I really want to say something..” Yuchan said as he clenched his fists.

His muse blinked before tilting his head a bit, “May I know what it is?”

 

 

His muse might be gloomy at times but he likes it whenever he’s talkative and whenever he’s smiling. He looks so beautiful and confessing his feelings for him seems to be difficult again, he doesn’t even know what to do and without thinking twice, held his muse’s face gently before leaning in. All the words that he memorized had disappeared in his mind as their lips met each other. Yuchan feels like he’s drowning, he feels so elated. His muse’s lips were too soft despite feeling a bit cold. He closed his eyes and smiled in the kiss, he feels so happy and contented. His mind went blank.

He kissed a lot of girls before but kissing his muse is definitely the best. He never felt anything when he kissed them but just a single kiss to his muse made him blind and the emotions seems to escape. Now he can understand why other people close their eyes when they kiss, because feeling it is better than seeing it. He pulled away before opening his eyes and looking at his muse, still as beautiful as he is.

 

 

“I like you. I like you a lot. I'm sorry for hurting you, for being selfish and for making you sad. You probably won’t believe me because of the things that I’ve done in the past but I really like you,” Yuchan said, “I like you the most. Being with you is the happiest thing that happened to my life.”

 

 

Before his muse could even reply, he leaned in for an another kiss. A passionate one, pouring all of his emotions in the kiss. He doesn’t know why but he felt like his muse smiled and he was about to smile when he remembered all of the girls he played, how they smiled because of him. And how they wept also because of him, he suddenly thought of his muse being in despair because of him. His muse being broken like those girls, him being ruined and wasted.

 

He suddenly pushed his muse away as he stood, his face paled and he felt like throwing up. He’s scared and without any hesitation, ran out of the room. Ran away of the hospital. Ran away until his legs hurt.

\-------

 

       YUCHAN WOKE UP TO THE WORST DREAM THAT HE PROBABLY HAD, he felt like an assshole for running away from his muse. He wanted to punch himself for being an idiot, making a bunch of idiotic decisions in life. 

He looked around and unfortunately, Jun isn’t in his room. He missed him a lot, he missed seeing him. He doesn’t have any therapy session today since Chan is on a vacation. He feels so lonely.

 

“I should probably walk around,” he said to himself before standing and smiled a bit, “I can stand normally..”

 

Thanks to Chan’s therapy sessions, he helped him to regain his own strength. There are times that he can’t balance himself or his hands trembling but he’s improving and he’s aware of it, he’s getting better slowly. He can’t wait to see his muse and apologize to him, he’ll make it up to him and will assure him that what he said that day is true. He’ll tell him how he loves him, how his smiles could make his day a good one and how he is thankful for his existence.

 

Without his walking aids, he managed to walk around the corridor. He saw Junyoung talking to a patient while Yebin seems to be busy with checking the other patients in this room, Yuchan greeted them nonetheless, with a reply from Junyoung and a scoff from Yebin.

Even Dr. Jung and Gwangsuk seems to be busy today, he greeted them and they greeted him back. He offered some help but both of them denied, telling him to focus on his recovery and to draw.

 

But accidents happen, a nurse suddenly bumped into Yuchan, spilling the contents of the tray she's holding to Yuchan’s hospital gown. Yuchan was thankful that it’s just a juice but still, his clothes were stained.

 

“I’m sorry!” the nurse apologized as she kept on bowing.

“I-It’s okay.” Yuchan assured her and chuckled, “I would probably need some spare clothes.”

“Wait! There’s a bunch on the storage room! I-I’ll get one!” the nurse said, “Please stay here! Wait for me!”

“O-Okay?” Yuchan said before sighing.

The nurse was quick. In just two minutes, she came back with the hospital gown on her hands “Here you go. I-I’ll be back to get an another juice for the patient. Sorry for bumping into you.”

“It’s alright but can I know where could I change into these? A restroom, perhaps?” Yuchan asked.

“There’s one in this floor. Just go straight ahead then turn left, the restroom is over there!” the nurse said before turning her back at him and running, “Sorry again!”

 

 

Nurses in this floor seems to be weird, he shrugged and followed the direction that the nurse said. There is really a restroom on this floor, he immediately went inside and closed the door. Not focusing on his surroundings, he took the gown off and wore the new one but he suddenly froze when he saw something so he lifted it and saw a scar. A scar that was stitched.

 

A scar on his left chest, exactly the place where the heart is supposed to be.

 

 

 

“What?” he suddenly felt like throwing up because of the sudden realization.

 

 

It was stitched. He probably undergo through an operation and most likely, he probably had a heart transplant. Now that explains why Gwangsuk is strict on his meals and how he frequently checks up on him, because he had went through a rough situation that they need to observe. That explains why he is still confined until now, they're still observing him.

 

He felt so betrayed. He felt so mad at himself and also at the others for hiding it to him, he wondered why didn’t they mentioned it to him. Not even once. They are probably aware of it yet no one said a word about it. It’s fishy.

 

 

“You knew.” Yuchan almost shriek when he heard a voice and saw Jun at the other side of the restroom, leaning at the door.

“Jun..” Yuchan placed his hand on his left chest “You surprised me.”

He expected a smile or something from Jun but his face was stoic “You knew it.”

“About the operation? Yes, I didn't realize or even felt it. My room doesn’t have a mirror in it so I was really surprise to see this,” Yuchan said and smiled a bit, “The heart’s owner.. I wonder who it is.”

“Why do you even wonder about the heart’s original owner?” Jun asked, tilting his head.

“Well, giving away his own heart could kill him or her. I wanted to know what is the owner’s thoughts about giving it to me,” Yuchan said, silently fidgeting “Of all people that needs a new heart, I was the chosen one.I feel so honored and thankful but I can’t help myself and prevent the sadness that I feel for the owner.”

“I see.” Jun said before opening the door, “Then why don’t you ask Gwangsuk-sshi about that? I think that he’s willing to tell you everything.”

“What are you talking about, Jun? I don’t under—hey!” Before Yuchan could even finish what he's currently saying, Jun is already out of the restroom and when he went out, Jun is nowhere to be seen “Where is he? He’s too fast for a sickly male.”

 

 

He's too curious about the heart's owner. He wondered what was the owner's last thoughts before their heart was taken away. He wondered why they gave their heart and why, of all people, is it given to him. He has a lot of questions so he immediately went into Gwangsuk’s office, luckily, the doctor is inside.

 

 

“Gwangsuk-sshi.” he said and the doctor looked at him.

“Hey, Yuchan. What can I do for you?” Gwangsuk asked.

“I saw the scar.” Yuchan said and Gwangsuk's jaw almost dropped as he looked at Yuchan with disbelief.

“How?” he asked.

“I used the restroom because I changed my hospital gown,” Yuchan explained, holding the stained hospital gown on his heart.

“Crap.” Gwangsuk muttered before coughing a fake one, “Well, it can’t be helped. Not all secrets can be hidden forever.”

“Can I know who my heart’s owner is? At least, knowing their name or where they used to reside,” Yuchan said as he pouted “That owner’s a lifesaver and I owe my life to whoever that person is.”

“Are you even sure about that?” Gwangsuk asked.

Yuchan nods, “Yes!”

“Yuchan.” Gwangsuk stood before looking down at the taller patient, “I am going to ask you again. Are you sure about that? I’ll make you remember that the heart donor’s dead, just knowing who it is will make the owner’s death a saddening one.”

Yuchan doesn’t know but the way Gwangsuk talked seems to be a serious one so he nodded and looked at with a determined look, “I am sure, Gwangsuk-sshi.”

Gwangsuk seems to be hesitating but sighed in defeat, “Alright.”

“Thank you,” Yuchan said, smiling brightly at him.

“But listen, Yuchan.” Gwangsuk still kept a stoic expression, “I am going to do three things for you. First, I’m going to take you to the owner’s former room. Second, I will tell you the owner’s name. Third, I will do my best to comfort you.”

“Thank you, Gwangsuk-sshi. Really.” Yuchan said.

“It’s better to go there before the sun sets, Yuchan. Off you go,” Gwangsuk said in a soft tone, “I’ll arrive in your room at 5PM.”

“But why can’t we go now?” Yuchan asked.

“First and foremost, I'm busy.” Gwangsuk reasoned out, “And second, I need you to give some time to prepare yourself for the revelations.”

 

 

Before Yuchan could even reply, Gwangsuk already kicked him out of the office. He pouted before stomping on his way back to his own room, it’s still early and he have to wait for hours. He’s bored. His gadgets isn’t even in here and there’s no one that he can talk to, he was lucky to see Jun a while ago. He missed his voice and he left immediately, as if he came there just to chat for a minute or two before leaving.

 

 

“I miss him,” Yuchan said and pouted again.

 

 

 

His eyes suddenly landed on the sketchbook and took it, he suddenly felt so excited to continue his sketch of Jun. That gorgeous man with a bright smile, one of the reason why he's currently healing. The one that helped him during his darkest hours. He was thankful of this man and he felt bad because all he can give as a gift for now is just sketch, someone as pure as him deserves something better.

 

He started to continue, carefully drawing lines and checking it for errors. His focus is only on the sketch, not caring about the whole world again. He doesn't know why but whenever he's sketching this man, he doesn’t even give a damn to anything, even to time. He made sure that he won’t make any mistakes and gently drew the lines and curves. He’s already done with Jun’s brows and eyes, admiring how his sketch is similar to it.

 

He’s too immorsed on his sketch that when Gwangsuk entered his room, he squealed in surprise. It made Gwangsuk laugh as Yuchan glared at him

 

“Well, you’re too focused on your sketch.” Gwangsuk reasoned out.

“I’m sketching Jun again,” Yuchan says, showing Gwangsuk his ongoing work “I’m making sure that it’ll turn out beautiful.”

“Oh.” He doesn’t know why but he saw a bit of hurt in Gwangsuk's expression “If it's alright with you, shall we go at the heart donor's former room?”

Yuchan nods, “Okay.”

“We shouldn’t waste time, Yuchan. Let’s go,” Gwangsuk said.

 

“Alright, Gwangsuk-sshi.” Yuchan stood before closing his sketchbook and walking beside the doctor, “Once again, thank you.”

“I am afraid to say that I can’t accept such gratitude from you because you might curse me, my job and everything related to me once that I’ve revealed everything to you,” Gwangsuk said in a cold yet polite tone.

“I wonder why,” Yuchan muttered as he scratched his cheek, “Either way, it’s definitely not your fault. I’m quite sure about that, you’re probably just doing your job and that’s it. I can’t hate you for that.”

“I am unfazed by most of it, I’ve been cursed and been shouted at for years. Heck, I’m even just a doctor for three years so they kept on telling me that I’m still an inexperienced one.” Gwangsuk added as they kept on walking, “But even if five years, seven years or a decade would pass, I would still be cursed for not being able to save lives. It’s not like we’re a god or something, there are times that we couldn’t save someone. We couldn’t fight against death’s grip on the patients, especially that I’m handling ones with terminal diseases and most of the operations.”

“I believe that doctors are amazing,” Yuchan said before chuckling, “I dislike them for saying someone’s remaining time that they just estimated though.”

“It can’t be helped,” Gwangsuk replies, “If we can’t give them an estimated time, they’ll say that we’re not worthy to be called as doctors and if we did, they’ll call us a 'know-it-all'. Either way is horrendous but we’re prepared for it, just like what I said. It can’t be helped.”

 

 

They kept on walking until Gwangsuk stopped in front of a familiar room, Yuchan's smile suddenly faded before looking at Gwangsuk. He wants to say something but he feels so voiceless right now and he’s hoping for them to move in the next room. Not this room.

 

 

The room number. The door. It’s too familiar.

 

 

He still kept on looking at Gwangsuk with a desperate one, he shook his head. This is probably a prank. A prank that they made to trick him. But, this isn’t a funny one. He’s starting to get worried and scared at the same time.

 

 

“Based on your expression, it seems that you know who owns this room. Guess that Junyoung really told you about it,” Gwangsuk said before opening the door, “After you, please.”

“Gwangsuk-sshi... no.” Yuchan managed to squeak out a few words before shaking his head.

“After you, Yuchan.” Gwangsuk repeated and looked at the room before looking back at the patient.

 

“This can’t be happening..” Yuchan murmured.

 

 

It seems like every step that he takes kept on getting heavier until he’s inside. He felt like just seeing the room number is the worst but truth be told, just seeing the room is definitely the worst. Definitely. 

 

He felt so weak that his legs failed him, he fell to the ground as he kneeled, looking around. A surge of memories kept on popping out of his mind as if this is the trigger to show most of it to him, like a B-cut movie. He feels so hopeless and he wanted to die. Literally. He feels like he's the worst.

 

 

 

“Nostalgic, isn’t it?” Gwangsuk asked as he looked around, “Seems like Yoon, Yebin and Junyoung kept this room clean. I haven't even visited this ever since that incident. Just seeing that reassuring smile of his is the last straw, it kept on haunting me.”

“I’ve brought you to the room so I guess that I should be telling you a bit more information about the donor, right?” Gwangsuk asked and smiled a bit, “Listen.”

 

“The donor is a male. He had been here since he was a kid, at first, he isn’t confined but his health kept on deteriorating so on the age of eight, he was locked up on this room. Locked up away from his friends, family and freedom. The nurses had a hard time dealing with him, he kept on wailing until wails turned into silent cries. The kid doesn’t want to disturb anyone and worry about him, he feels bad whenever he see them with a sad expression. So he suffered alone, there are times that he would ask why he was born like that. Was he curse or if God hates him, he started to become a pessimist.”

“But, eight years passed and he’s still that pessimistic teen until something happened, on the age of sixteen, a kid approached him and befriended him. Promising that he’ll visit him once a month. At first, the donor didn’t took that seriously. But the kid really kept his promise and years passed once again, they became close. Monthly visits turned into weekly until the kid visited him everyday, despite the distance of the hospital to his university, he still kept on visiting the donor. He changed the donor, being a bright kid for him and lights up his world.”

“The donor is sick, he’s aware of what might happen to him so he kept a distance to the boy yet he ended up falling for him. Falling for him that he became too selfless and forgiving, the boy fucked up but heck, he forgave him without any hesitation. He kept on believing at the boy, he kept on being there for him but the boy left him hanging, after breaking his heart again. He had been hurt yet he kept on smiling, saying that he was used to it. That he was okay with being hurt because he had been in pain for a very long time, he suffered alone.”

“Yet he didn’t even hesitated on donating his heart during a crucial time, he even volunteered. His heart is the only thing that is not affected by his disease, which is a miracle, it’s only the thing that kept him alive but he gave it away just like that. Just because of his selflessness and his love for the boy, he's even willing to give it to him, assuring everyone that it’s alright. That he lived a happy life and kept on smiling until the end.”

 

Yuchan felt so suffocated and his sight gets a bit blurry as all of what Gwangsuk said seems to be nostalgic to him.

 

 

“I said too much. Sorry for that,” Gwangsuk said as he took a deep breath, “Now, let me say his name to end this as soon as possible.”

 

Yuchan wanted to scream, but he feels so voiceless. He wanted to run away, but he’s too frozen on his tracks. He wanted to cry but the tears won’t just fall. But it hurts. Everything hurts.

 

 

 

“His name is Park Junhee. A boy that was born on the second day during the season where the sun shines the brightest, Summer.”

 

 

 

Jun. Jun is the one that he has been searching. The one that is so close yet so far to him, who would have thought that it was him. Now that explains their first meeting, Jun’s disappointment when he said that he doesn’t know him at all. It’s funny.

 

 

It’s funny that he laughed a bit before it turned into a choked sob and tears finally fell from his eyes as he started to cry. It hurts. It really does.

 

 

It's too late for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for this chap. i think i've left hints about junhee being dead all along. i'll probably post it at the next chap's notes?? idk but i'll try.


	20. d-6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! it's been a while ;; sorry for the delayed update ^^ i..am definitely not confident w this chap ^^ sorry for that :<

       “YOU’RE AN IDIOT, KANG YUCHAN.” is probably what he heard from all of the people that he talked to, not to mention, Yoon seems to be infuriated on what he did to Junhee. He’s getting frustrated once again, biting on the nail at his thumb while looking at the ground and mumbling.

“I can’t believe that you’ve gathered all of us like that to know how stupid you were,” Donghun said as he rolled his eyes.

“I know! But..” Yuchan couldn’t find the right words to use as a retort so he groaned in defeat “I don’t know what to do..”

“That’s because you’re an idiot,” Rayoon said, scoffing as he crossed his arms “I can’t believe that Junhee likes someone as dumb as you.”

“Even I am surprised..” Sehyoon agrees.

“Let me live..” Yuchan muttered as he drooped his head.

“Well, you should clarify that to Junhee.” ‘Thank you Lee Suji for existing’ is probably what Yuchan thought as he heard the girl’s suggestion.

“You’re right!” Yuchan beams.

“So, in what way?” Byeongkwan asked.

Yuchan looked down before pouting, “Honestly, I don't know.”

“Honestly, you're an idiot.” Rayoon retorts, glaring at Yuchan as he scoffed, “Of course, you have to confront him. Don’t even think of texting him or calling him, that’s insincere! Tell him about all of it! In person, that is.”

“But what if he hates me or he kicks me out?” Yuchan asked, biting his lower lip.

“That’s your fault, you deserve to be kicked out for leaving him like that!” Donghun exclaims and Rayoon nodded, agreeing on what Donghun said.

 

It took Yuchan a week before he decided to gather up everyone that he can rely on, he had been blaming himself for the six days that he has been locking himself up on his room before Byeongkwan decided to drag him out of there. The whole room was filled with canvass and crumpled papers filled with unsuccessful sketches, it shows how Yuchan’s mind is a mess. And that is how he managed to make the youngest male talk about his problems in front of them.

He regretted running away, he felt so bad that he want to jump off the nearest bridge for being an asshole. He wants to see Junhee again and to apologize for what he did yet he’s too afraid of the consequences of his actions. Of what is about to happen when he comes back, if he'll be ignored or hated by him, by his muse.

“I really love him..” Yuchan murmurs before clenching his fists as he looked at his friends, “I love Park Junhee.”

“Took you long enough to realize,” Sehyoon said as he smiled a bit.

“But instead of facing him, I got scared. I don’t want him to end up like those girls..” Yuchan said, gritting his teeth.

“I appreciate the thought but running away isn’t the best solution that you’ve made,” Rayoon said and sighs, “Do you realize how you hurt him? He probably thought that you’re going to break his heart. You just kept on breaking his heart, Yuchan.”

“I didn’t mean it.. I just want to him to be alright,” Yuchan said, looking at Rayoon with a serious expression “I love him and I want the best for him, I promised to be with him until the end and I’m not going to break that promise. I’ll do my best to get him back, Rayoon. I know that I’ve done a lot of mean stuff back then but I couldn’t do such a thing to Junhee, he’s never gonna be one of them.”

“Well, I suppose that you love him. I really don’t care about you but Junhee is my friend so I have to get the two of you together,” Rayoon stated before he clears his throat, “It’ll make him really happy. Junhee loves you so much that he’ll be the happiest if you’ll be able to clarify him about what happened to him.”

“I have no regrets on helping you,” Suji said as she tapped Yuchan’s shoulder “But please, confess properly. I know that you’re scared but you have to face your fears.”

“Guys..” Yuchan looked at them as his expression lit up.

“Just go get him, tiger.” Byeongkwan cheered, raising his fists cutely.

 

He felt so supported by his friends, even Sehyoon and Donghun that is kind of quiet but gave him a reassuring smile that somehow says ‘It’ll be alright’ to him. It made him feel in ease and the weight on his shoulders seems to lessen a bit, he’s really thankful of his friends that will be here for him. Especially Suji and Rayoon that wasn’t that close to him yet they offer him help at times.

 

“Guys..” Yuchan couldn’t prevent himself on smiling really wide “Thank you very much.”

Rayoon sighed before smiling a bit, “Thank us if you’re successful on that confrontation of yours with Junhee.”

“I will do my best,” Yuchan assured them as he raised his fists.

“That’s the spirit, Chan! You can do it!” Suji cheerfully said and nods in approval.

“I will tell him everything!” Yuchan exclaims as he looked at the sky before smiling, “I really love him and I felt so sorry for hurting him.”

“Do you want to go visit him now? You shouldn’t be wasting any time,” Donghun suggested.

Yuchan gasped and looked at his phone that shows ‘2:30 P.M’ on its lockscreen “You’re right!”

“Go ahead!” Byeongkwan chirps as he wrapped an arm around Sehyoon’s waist which blushed a bit.

“We’ll be anticipating good results, okay?” Sehyoon said and Yuchan nods before sprinting out of their school building.

“I don’t want to admit this but Junhee will forgive him without even thinking about it,” Rayoon said and everyone looked at him, “Junhee’s always like that.”

 

 

Yuchan ran to the nearest flower shop to buy a bouquet of cosmos before running to the bus station, it’ll take him hours to arrive but it’s worth it. He’ll be seeing Junhee once again, his mesmerizing beauty and that dazzling smile of his. His honey-coated voice along with those eyes that sparkle a bit. He’s going to see his muse once again and he felt so excited and worried at the same time, a surge of emotions drowning him as his heart kept on pounding.

 

He kept on looking at the bouquet and smiles at it, imagining that Junhee is smiling as he accept it. Cosmos had been a special flower for the both of them, it shares a wonderful memory that they’ll remember forever.

He was a few streets away from the hospital when it started to rain really hard, Yuchan dislike the rain. The dark clouds kept on covering the sky that Yuchan and Junhee admires, it fills it up with darkness. Instead of looking at the window, he just kept on looking at the bouquet and thinking about Junhee when he suddenly heard some screeching from somewhere and everything happened too fast, the bus overturned and bumped into something and Yuchan felt too weak to move his body. 

 

With the last bits of strength, he managed to open his eyes and saw that he’s hugging the bouquet but it was stained by something, he knew that it is blood but he couldn’t admit it to himself. Everything hurts and he wanted it to stop, he wanted to move his feet and walk away from this, he needs to confront Junhee about his feelings. As he tried to move, he felt an intense pang of pain as he realized that something has been stabbed to him, in his chest, making him immobilized to where he is.

 

He felt so scared as tears fell from his eyes, too much pain and fear has been running through his mind for a while as he try to gasp for air yet he coughed something, something metallic. But despite everything, he feels worried about Junhee. He still wanted to see him, even for the last time, if this is really the way that he’ll die. He wants to bid him farewell, he doesn’t want him to be in despair knowing about his demise. He’s scared.. but for Junhee’s sake.

 

Luck isn’t on his side this time, he felt every single inch of his energy draining until his vision starts to blur and until there’s nothing but darkness. Yet Yuchan managed to think about him until the end.

 

 

...Junhee.

 

\--------

      HE KEPT ON ASKING WHY DID THIS HAPPEN AT ALL, he couldn’t accept this. He doesn’t want to. He just wanted to see his muse again, to apologize to him and to never let go of him along with the chances that he wasted. But all that he got is the news of him being dead, and to make it worse, it’s his fault. He’s the one to be blamed of his muse’s demise.

He knew that the boy is sick, he knew that the boy won’t be healed but he wasn’t expecting him to give his heart away just like that. It’s the only thing that is not affected by his disease, the only thing that keeps him alive yet he paid no mind of the consequences and gave it to Yuchan.

He doesn’t deserve it. He never deserve this heart and his muse, Junhee. Yet Junhee accepted him, him and all of his flaws. He feels so bad that he wanted to die, he wanted to end everything at all and to be with Junhee. He’s all alone on this cruel world, the only one that matters to him the most is gone—leaving him to face this world, this world filled with facades and lies.

But how can he killed himself like this? Knowing that Junhee gave his heart away, knowing that his muse gave it to prolong his stay on this world, to keep on living even though he isn’t with him anymore. Junhee is too selfless, he wants the best for Yuchan.  So, how can he kill himself if his muse gave the only thing that keeps him alive just for him to continue living? Too difficult. Junhee made it difficult for him to end his life. He’s probably certain that Yuchan wouldn't even dare, knowing that he’s the one who gave his own heart, he could even imagine him  with a sly smile, saying ‘Nah-uh, Chanie. No can do. You’re gonna live whether you like it or not.’

He looked at his sketchbook, feeling the urge to throw up as he saw his ongoing sketch of Junhee. Feeling the intense grief and despair once again but still held his pencil really tight before starting to continue it, to continue with sketching the most beautiful person that he met. Only the images of Junhee smiling filled up his mind as he kept on continuing the sketch while having the urge to cry it all out once again yet feeling so weak to cry.

He just felt so empty. The only thing that matters to him in this world is not here anymore, he wouldn’t be able to see him smile, he won’t be able to hear his voice—he won’t be able to be with him anymore. 

“Yuchan, stop.” He heard a voice said yet he paid no mind to it and still continued to sketch.

“Yuchan, you need to stop.” The voice said once again as he gripped on the pencil and continued.

He wasn’t expecting a hand to hold his right wrist as the sketchbook was taken away from him, he looked at that person and glared at him “Give it back.”

“I won’t. You’re ruining yourself, Yuchan. He’s dead.” The owner of the voice grimaced as he looked at the sketch before sighing, “Send him off, Yuchan. Let go of him and that ugly feelings deep inside you.”

“What do you even know?!” Yuchan exclaimed.

The male sighed as he let go of Yuchan’s wrist “Do I have to remind you that I’m his childhood friend and he talks to me the most? More than he talks to you about his concerns?”

“Go away, Rayoon.” Yuchan couldn’t even look at him with glaring.

“I’m sorry but I won’t. Junhee’s a bit unfair, don’t you think? He appears on people that haven’t accepted his death yet on people like me who cares for him and accepted it, he doesn’t.” Rayoon said before closing Yuchan’s sketchbook and gently placing it on the bed “I’m sorry for interrupting you but I want to talk to you about him. You’re one of the people that won’t let him go, you’re the main reason why he’s still around. He’s already tired so please send him off, Yuchan.”

“Send him off?” Yuchan asked before chuckling, his dull eyes and annoyed expression shows that he isn’t liking this conversation at all.

“You need to let him go,” Rayoon said casually.

“Do you even think that it’s easy? I want to see him! I want to say everything to him! Everything that I could’ve said sooner!” Yuchan cried out, gripping the sheets as he shut his eyes closed.

“I don’t want to be like Yebin but to tell you the truth, everyone blames you but no one would admit it, except me and Yebin. Because we weren’t even close to you, we can tell you a bunch of honest remarks unlike them. We blame you for Junhee’s death, Yuchan.” Rayoon said, making Yuchan open his eyes as he looked at the blonde male.

“I know that it’s my fault but what am I supposed to do? I couldn’t.. I couldn’t let go of him just like that..” Yuchan kept on trembling as he bit his lips, he doesn’t want to accept the harsh truth.

“Unfortunately, that’s the only thing that you can do.” Rayoon said, sighing again.

“I love him..” Yuchan couldn’t stop himself on crying as he sobbed, “I really do..”

Rayoon averted his gaze on the crying male, feeling a bit of empathy to Yuchan as hurt was registered on his face “I know that it hurts.”

“Rayoon hyung.. what am I going to do?” Yuchan asked as he kept on sobbing.

“Reflect on your actions and let him go,” Rayoon replies. 

 

“How can you talk like that?” Yuchan felt so terrible and hearing how Rayoon could talk so normally about Junhee’s death terrifies him “You’re his bestfriend, Rayoon hyung. You should’ve been hurt just like me, he wasn’t just anyone to you, he has been there for you since he was a kid.”

“Listen, Yuchan. You’re already having a breakdown and do you think that I should have one too? How can we help each other cope with this situation if both of us aren’t even okay? Yes, Junhee’s dead and he had been an important person for both of us. But, don’t you think that it’s time to let him go? Let him go peacefully and accept his sacrifice for a douche bag like you?” The way Rayoon talk seems to be filled with hatred yet the soft tone seems to comfort him, just like a nagging mother that is currently mad at him but will forgive him later on “Yuchan, let him go. Not just for yourself or for Junhee’s sake but for everyone. Junhee is already dead yet he’s still around the hospital just to talk to you and make sure that you’re alright.”

“I know..” Yuchan lowered his head once again “I know that I should.. but I couldn’t.”

“It probably takes time, right? And the way I’m talking to you isn't helping at all, yes? I’m sorry for that, Yuchan. But I’m sure that you’re aware how I’m mad at you for making Junhee sacrifice his heart and for also playing those poor women’s hearts..” Rayoon said as he stood, “This conversation is going nowhere so I must get out of here as soon as possible, it’s probably your karma for all the wrong stuff that you’ve done. This.. is probably how you’ll repent for all of your sins.”

 

 

And with a slight bow, Rayoon walked out of the room as Yuchan bursted into tears once again. Feeling the guilt that drowns him whenever he thinks of Junhee, Rayoon is probably right. This is his karma for all the hearts that he broke, making him have a taste of his own medicine. Being rejected by Junhee is worse but losing him because he broke his own heart is definitely the worst.

 

Rayoon took a few steps away from Yuchan's room before he was approached by Junyoung and Yebin with concerned looks, Rayoon couldn’t hide his true emotions anymore and let the tears spill. He tried to act tough in front of Yuchan but he’s as fragile as the brunette, making the two nurse hug him in comfort.

 

“I said.. I said mean stuff and said to let Junhee go but..” Rayoon said in between of sniffles and sobs “..but I couldn’t.. let Junhee go too!”

“It’s alright,” Yebin said in a calm tone, stroking the blonde male's back “All of us can’t let go of him yet, it’s too hard.”

“I wanted to see Junhee too.. why is this too unfair?” Rayoon muttered.

Junyoung sighed, “Well, he knew that we’re strong enough  Besides, it’s only Yuchan that he didn’t manage to bid his farewell for him.”

“It’s so unfair!” Rayoon cried out.

 

\-------

       RAYOON HAD BEEN WITH JUNHEE SINCE THEY WERE FIVE YEARS OLD, his mother is the pre-school teacher and often checks the sickly male’s condition. Rayoon wouldn’t lie but he was a bit jealous of how his mother takes care of him. He kept on whining at his mother why he's taking care of Junhee during class but his mother explained how sickly Junhee is yet Rayoon couldn’t understand.

 

In a few years, Junhee didn’t attend to his class and Rayoon was always brought by his mother to the hospital to meet him. It made Rayoon wonder, why is Junhee in this place and why is he around those scary machines? They’re already eleven yet the question was still unasked by him and now is definitely the right time to ask him.

 

“Does it hurt?” he suddenly asked, making his mother gasp in surprise.

Junhee looked at him with a bewildered expression before lowering his head, “It hurts..”

“Then why don’t you say it out loud for them to know that you’re in pain?” Rayoon asked again, ignoring how his mother looks at him.

“I want to..” Junhee lifted his face and a forced smile was seen on his face “But I don’t want to be a burden.”

“But you’re not a burden.” Rayoon said as he gave him a reassuring smile “You’re never a burden to anyone.”

 

 

As he saw Junhee smile, he felt like the whole world suddenly lit up. He doesn’t know why but the way that the male flashed a genuine smile is definitely the exact time that Rayoon pledged to himself that he’ll take care of him. Him along with their friend, Euna. They’ll be with him until the end, along with his mom, that is Junhee’s home-school teacher.

 

He regretted being envious of the attention that Junhee got before, he even regretted not helping hin out. If he only understood what his mother meant to say before, then he could’ve helped Junhee too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this fic! ^^


	21. d-5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the late update ;; Today is my only restday so I managed to write this update ;; 98%/99% of it will be a flashback :<
> 
> Only four chapters left for this fic. Thank you so much for supporting this fic. After this, I'll start to update my JunYoon and WowSon fic ^^

       JUNHEE HATES THE RAIN, he hates how it covers the sky, the sky that him and Yuchan loves to look at. As he thought of the younger male, he touched his lips with his own fingertips and smiled a bit. He can still remember how soft and warm Yuchan’s lips were, the scenes and situations that he just saw in dramas and books happened to him. His first kiss.

He always believe that it’s like how the books and the dramas desribe it but the truth is that it was just a lock of two person’s lips for a while yet all of the emotions that Yuchan seems to be wanting to admit has been said to him by a single action. The silent ‘I love you’s has been said, the confession that Yuchan had been itching to admit.

He is truly disappointed when Yuchan suddenly ran away but he was worried as he saw the fear in his eyes, as if he remembered something. Junhee felt worried for the boy instead of being disappointed to him, he wanted to talk to him about it. To ease the worry of the younger male, he wants to make him feel better by talking about it.

“When will it stop?” he mutters.

He doesn’t feel good at all, he felt like he is about to faint because of this sickness that he is enduring. He couldn’t even stand for a long time, he can only lie down on his hospital bed or sit at the chair beside the window. He’s suffering but it’s okay, if it would be an assurance that tomorrow, he might see Yuchan again, he can endure this. Yuchan has been his sunshine, the one that enlightened the whole world to him and protected him. Kept him warm with his sunlight and helped him grow into a better person, from being that pessimistic kid into the Junhee that he is right now. Yuchan is his savior.

But something’s wrong, something isn’t right. He’s having a bad feeling about something that he doesn’t even know and it’s making him a bit uncomfortable. It took him a few minutes before deciding that he should walk around the hospital for a while, he could visit Gwangsuk, Junyoung or Yebin for a while then go back to his own room.

Yet after wandering around the whole floor, he didn’t caught a single glimpse of the three. That only means one thing, they’re probably at the ground floor. He should be going back to his room but his stubborness still reigns and he’s at the elevator, on the way to the ground floor. The moment that it opened, he saw a lot of patients being brought to different rooms, some were already covered by a white cloth, something Junhee had been seeing ever since he was admited here.

The first time that he saw someone being covered by a white cloth was seven months after he was admitted to the hospital, underneath the white cloth is the old woman that has been nothing but a kind-hearted person, someone that gives him the cookies that her sons had brought her that day. When he asked why it was covered, Dr. Jung could only avert his gaze as he told Junhee that the old woman will be going to an another place where she will not be in pain.

Junhee cried, he doesn’t want the old woman to go away. She had been nice to Junhee and he’ll be alone once again in this floor if she goes away before Dr. Jung tried to calm him down and let him visit the other patients. He introduced Junhee to a bunch of patients in the same floor, Junhee noticed how most of them were middle-aged or probably an old one and he noticed how they gav them such a weird look, a look that he saw from his family, his tutor and the other people in this hospital. A look filled with pity in it, they’re probably worried about him and pitied him because he has to suffer in such a young age.

The moment he realized what the white cloth means is when he was eleven, he suddenly felt sick and lost all of his hope as he realized that soon enough, it’ll be him that will be covered by the same white cloth. Junhee shuddered when he remembered all of it as he looked at a lot of stretchers that is covered by the long, white cloth. He noticed how some of it were stained by crimson red blood and wondered what happened to them.

Junhee walked around a bit more, he can see how some of the nurse starts to panic, as if they weren’t prepared for their patients to become as many as this so he thought that it might’ve been an accident. He realized that if it’s actually an accident, that means that Gwangsuk along with Junyoung and Yebin is really busy right now so he should head back. As he made up his mind, he was about to take a step when he heard a familiar voice.

“What are you talking about?! He, of all people, should know this!” That voice. It sounds like Donghun's voice.

“No. He doesn’t.” That firm tone. It’s definitely Gwangsuk’s.

“Don’t you think that you’re being unfair? He should know what happened to him! Besides, the reason why he was in that bus is because he’s on his way here! To meet him!” He noticed how the one that sounds like Donghun’s voice seems to be mad.

“So, you’re going to blame him for this? What if this is his karma or something that an asshole like him deserves?” Junhee is sure that this Yebin’s voice.

“Yebin. That’s too much.” That confirmed his thought that the woman that spoke is Yebin and this one is definitely Junyoung.

“Deserve? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? He doesn’t deserve any of this!” This one sounds like Byeongkwan.

Curiousity isn’t able kill the cat as soon as possible, but it hurts the cat first before killing it. It kills the cat slowly by making it feel an agonizing pain. Junhee took a peek and saw Gwangsuk along with Yebin and Junyoung while the ones in front of them was Donghun, Byeongkwan, Sehyoon, Rayoon, Suji and even Euna. They seem to be arguing and Junhee doesn’t want to intervene until he knows what is truly happening.

“Please, Gwangsuk-sshi. He needs to know..” Suji pleads, tears are already falling from her eyes.

“It’ll just make everything worse,” Junyoung said, looking away from them “He only have a few months to live, we don’t even know if he’ll be able to celebrate his birthday.”

“Do you think that he won’t be looking for him?” Sehyoon asks, his voice shaking.

“He won’t. Do you even remember the last thing that he did to Junhee? He ran away, being the coward that he is. Do you even think that Junhee would be looking for Yuchan? For that asshole?” Yebin asks, her voice filled with anger “Hah. Maybe it’s even better if he’ll die in such an agonizing way, dying while he probably thought that he won’t be able to see Junhee again.”

“Bitch. Take that back!” Byeongkwan shouts as he was about to walk in Yebin’s direction to slap her “You’re being a salty bitch because your friend has been a mess because of Yuchan. Can’t accept that your bitchy friend is such a slut for Chanie? Heck, she’s also a drug addict. From being that timid girl into a filthy whore, how funny.”

“Take that back!” Yebin shouts as she stomped.

“You started this! You insulted our friend!” Byeongkwan said, smirking in triumph “I won’t go down without a fight. Heck, I won’t even lose to you and your petty words.”

“Insulting each other is a sign of immaturity, can’t you all act based on your age and get your shit together?!” Donghun said as he looked at both of them, “Look! Yuchan is dying! We’re arguing if Junhee should know this or not, not insulting each other’s friends—”

“Yuchan’s dying? What are you all talking about?” Junhee couldn’t even prevent himself on walking to their direction as he looked at them with a horrified look.

He couldn’t bear to watch them fight, it pains him to see all of the people that’s important to him to argue. But what he couldn’t take is that Yuchan, his sunshine, is dying somewhere around this hospital. He wants to think that this is nothing but a prank yet the surprised and horrified expressions of these people in front of him proves that all of this is nothing but real.

He felt like his world shattered into bits, he still couldn’t accept that. Yuchan is too young to die, he wasn’t sick—he was dying because of an accident.

“Please tell me what’s happening..” Junhee said in a tone that is almost like his voice when he pleads.

“Junhee.” Gwangsuk's expression was filled with hurt as he looked away “We’re sorry. Did you hear all of it?”

Junhee nods, “I'm not sure if that’s all but please, Gwangsuk-hyung. Tell me what’s happening.”

“Doctor! We need you in the emergency room, patient 1231 is in critical level!” A nurse suddenly said, his uniform was stained with blood.

“Okay. I’ll be going now,” Gwangsuk said as he looked at Junyoung, “Junyoung.. Yebin.. go around and help the others.”

Junyoung and Yebin couldn’t disagree and nodded their heads before giving Junhee one last look as they went in different directions while Gwangsuk immediately went to the emergency room in front of them.

“Hey, guys. What happened to Yuchan?” Junhee asked the people in front of him, “Tell me.”

“He’s in there,” Sehyoon whispered out and pointed at the emergency room.

“W-Why?” Junhee asked, he can’t help but sit at the nearest seat as he felt his strength left him.

Suji that seems to be crying again and again looked at Junhee, “H-He was on his way to meet you and to apologize.. he wanted to confront you about what happened a week ago yet he didn’t managed to arrive.”

Junhee can’t breathe, his chest hurts a lot and he felt like drowning as he realized something “He’s right there... because of me?”

“No!” Euna and Rayoon blurted out almost in sync.

“It’s not your fault, Junhee..” Euna immediately replies while she’s holding Suji’s hand really tight.

“None of us knew that this is gonna happen, Jun. Don’t blame yourself.” Rayoon said in a comforting tone and sat beside him, “It’s not your fault.”

“B-But if he didn’t even thought of visiting me, he should’ve been safe from that.” Junhee replies, drooping his head.

“It wasn’t your fault..” Sehyoon said in a calm tone and patted his head “You’re such a kind-hearted person, Junhee. I know that you’re also worried..”

“Why wouldn’t I be worried?” Junhee asked. He wanted to say a lot, how he cherish Yuchan, how precious Yuchan is and how Yuchan means to him but he kept quiet. 

He can’t cry, he couldn’t cry. He wanted to let all of the emotions out but all he can do is stare at the ground and wait for Gwangsuk to leave that emergency room, he’s scared and he doesn’t want to do anything aside from waiting. He wouldn’t leave here until a result will be given to him, a result about the most precious person in his life.

An hour or probably two has passed and the operation seems to be ongoing, Junhee couldn’t help but drown in his own thoughts as he dug his nails at his palms, not even caring if it'll bleed or will cause scars. He suddenly felt like singing, in that way, he can express what’s on his mind.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..” he starts to sing in a quiet voice as if he’s muttering every single word, “You make me happy when skies are gray.”

“Junhee..” he heard Rayoon said as he felt a hand stroking his back.

“You'll never know dear..” he kep on singing as he felt his heart starting to hurt a lot “How much I love you..”

“Please don't take my sunshine away..” He starts to choke by his sobs as he whispered out the last part and cries silently. It’s too much.

He can hear some of them sobbing while Rayoon and Euna hugged him really tight while comforting him yet it still doesn’t lessen the pain that he’s feeling, all he wanted to know is if Yuchan’s alright. He just want him to be okay, especially when he’s not around anymore. Yuchan is a good person, just went a bit astray for a while but he’s back on his tracks—to be a better person than before.

That’s why he doesn’t deserve this. Not at all.

“Gwangsuk-sshi!” He heard Suji gasped when Gwangsuk went out of the room with a blank expression as if he’s hiding it for everyone’s sake—his emotions, that is.

“Gwangsuk-hyung! How is he?” Junhee asked frantically, his hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

“I’m going to be honest with his condition but first thing’s first, did anyone called his parents or his guardians?” Gwangsuk asked.

Donghun nodded, “I did. They’ll be coming in a few hours.”

“I see. So let me tell you his condition,” Gwangsuk said before taking a deep breath, “To be very honest, he isn't in a good condition. His heart was pierced and had a serious head injury along with a few broken bones especially on his arms, his heart almost stopped beating three times and we don’t know if we’ll be able to prevent that from happening again. We’re short on staff so I called Junyoung and Yebin too, they know how severe this situation is. We prevented the bleeding but as soon as possible, we need a heart donor for him. His heart has been the one that is needed to be replaced before his heart stop its beating.”

“This can’t be happening..” Junhee muttered as he looked at Gwangsuk, “C-Can't you do something to save him from that?”

“Yuchan..” Byeongkwan couldn’t take the news and cried a Sehyoon embraced him, Suji cried harder and Donghun couldn’t prevent the tears from falling down as he slumped at his seat.

“As long as there isn’t an available heart for him, I couldn’t assure that he’ll be able to recover.” Gwangsuk said in a serious tone with his blank expression, “We tried our best but a heart transplant is the cure for this. Of course, there's still a chance that he won’t be able to make it but it’s worth a try.”

“Worth a try? What do you think of this situation? A game?!” Byeongkwan cried out.

“Not at all, we’re calculating the percentage of his chance of surviving and it’s a 50-50. He might or might not be able to survive it, that is a fact. And we take our job seriously, we don’t just horse around. We have the lives of our patients around our fingertips and as much as possible, we care for them.” Gwangsuk replied.

“Is there an available heart donor out there right now?” Sehyoon asked.

Junyoung shook his head, “As of now, there’s no one. Heart donors are rare to find and if there is one, it’ll probably take a day or two.”

“Then how is he able to survive?!” Donghun asked, clenching his fists.

“If there’s no one that we can rely on then there’s no other way than this..” Junhee seems to be contemplating on his decision but he made up his mind “Then let me be the one to give my heart to Yuchan!”

It caught everyone off-guard. They knew Junhee is a selfless person but not this selfless, too selfless that he’s willing to sacrifice his own life to save Yuchan. It all seems comical and Gwangsuk wanted to laugh but he couldn’t, he felt so surprised and mad. Junhee should worry about his last days, not Yuchan.

“I’m sorry but what is that supposed to mean?” Gwangsuk asked.

“I’m willing to give Yuchan my heart! Besides, it wasn't affected by my disease so it’s safe to transfer this into him!” Junhee answered with confidence and smiled.

“Junhee! Are you serious?! We’re talking about you sacrificing your life to that.. that..” Yebin clenched her fists as she shut her eyes closed, “..that asshole! He doesn’t deserve this! He doesn’t deserve you at all!”

“I’m sorry, Binbin. But I’m really serious about this, I am willing to give everything to him.” Junhee replies, “This is such a selfish request but please give my heart to him. It’s the only thing that I can do in exchange of this tragedy because he wouldn’t even be in that situation if it wasn’t for me..”

“Junhee.. you can still think about it,” Junyoung tries to persuade the older male but he shook his head.

“And wait for him to get worse? No. I’m sure of it, I’m going to sacrifice my heart to Yuchan. I’m sure that he’ll accept this,” Junhee said as he clasped his hands and chuckled, “I’m sure of this. I’m really going to give it to him, my heart.”

“Junhee.. please..” Yebin is about to cry as she kept on shaking her head.

“Please, let me be selfish for the last time. This is definitely worth it, I'd rather make this my last day rather than living the rest of my life without Yuchan. He’s my sunshine and I wouldn’t be able to continue everything without his warmth.. I love him so much that I’m willing to do this so please don’t stop me,” Junhee said as he looked at all of them, “Please let me do this.”

“Junhee..” Rayoon looked away as he felt tears were about to fall from his eyes.

“Please don’t hurt Yuchan anymore, I know that he had done such a horrible thing before but stop it. He had been through a lot so I really hope that he’ll be able to continue his life after this, I want the best things for him.” Junhee said before grinning, “Can you all do that to him?”

“You know that you can’t do that unless I have your parent’s consent, right?” Gwangsuk said.

Junhee shook his head, “I am already old enough, way past my legal age so I am able to do such a decision like this.”

“Do you know what are you going to do? Your family did everything they can to prolong your life..” Gwangsuk said.

“And I know that they’ll be able to understand me, the feeling of being desperate and doing everything that they could to save someone..” Junhee stated.

Gwangsuk groaned. Junhee is stubborn, he won’t be able to win this so he sighed in defeat, “Let me ask you for the last time, Junhee. Are you willing to donate your heart to one of this hospital’ dying patient, Kang Yuchan.”

“Yes. I’m willing to donate my heart for him,” Junhee replied.

“Very well. Then come with me, Junhee. You’ll be signing some papers and a few check-ups before the operation,” Gwangsuk said before glancing at Junyoung and Yebin crying beside him, “Wait. First thing’s first, bid your farewell to your family then your friends. Make it a worthy one. Make sure to call your parents about this, Junhee. They need to know.”

“Sure thing.”

“I’ll be at my office for a while, Junhee.” Gwangsuk said before turning his back at him.

And he did what he was told, he immediately called his mother which is also with his father at that time so it wasn’t that hard to admit his plans. At first, his parents disagree but with a few sentences from Junhee, they agreed with a heavy heart. They really want to see Junhee for the last time so he promised to see a video and a picture to his sister before the operation before saying his ‘I love you’s before ending the call. He almost cried but he kept on smiling, it’s the least that he can do to everyone, that to see him smiling before he dies. To show them how contented he is with his whole life despite living in a devastating situation.

The next thing is to bid farewell to the people that is with him right now which isn’t a hard thing because they’re currently here yet it seems harder since all of them were crying and he feels so sorry, if only they weren’t friends, they wouldn’t cry for him. 

“Guys, please stop crying or I might cry too.” Junhee said as he looked at them.

“H-How?!” Yebin cried out.

“Binbin-ah, you’ve been through a lot.” Junhee went to her direction and wiped her tears but it just kept on falling, “I know that you’re strong and brave so I’m sure that you’ll get through this. Thank you for being my friend and flashing out that nervous smile of yours during your first day here, please take care of yourself too. And please, don’t hurt Yuchan too much. As much as possible, I want him to be alright so please be gentle with him. I know that you’re mad at him but he’ll change, I’m sure of it.”

“You’re so selfless..” Yebin murmured.

“Donghun, Sehyoon, Byeongkwan.. thank you. Words can’t describe how thankful I am to the three of you, please take care of Yuchan for me. He’ll be needing the three of you,” Junhee said before looking at Suji, “Suji. You’re a kind-hearted person, take care of Euna and Yuchan for me. Alright? I know that with your kindness, they’ll be okay. Thank you and I’m sorry if you have to witness this.”

“I understand, Junhee.” Suji replies and smiled yet she sobs.

“You know that Yuchan will be devastated with your death, right?” Donghun asks.

Junhee nodded, “I’m aware of that. But we have no choice other than this one..”

“You’re really stupid, Park Junhee.” Donghun said as he frowned, “But aside from that, you’ve been an important person to our circle of friends. Thank you for letting us be your friend..”

“Junhee, thank you for saving Yuchan.” Sehyoon said as he wiped his tears and smiled a bit.

“It’s the least that I can do with this limited life of mine,” Junhee replies, laughing a bit.

“I’m going to miss you, dumbass.” Donghun said as he hugged Junhee really tight, “We might argue often but I really care for an airhead like you but dying means.. you won’t be in pain anymore because of your disease, right? So it'll be a good thing too, right?”

“Yes. It won’t hurt anymore..” Junhee said and sighed in relief, “Besides, I’m tired of resting all the time.”

“Junhee...”

He looked at his two bestfriends that were already crying too hard, he can’t help but chuckle as he hugged both of them really tight. It didn’t took long until both of them were bawling, making him feel bad for the two of them. They had been with him since they were kids so they’ll be in pain because of his death, he didn’t want to die. He never wanted to die, he just want the pain to disappear—and with his new reason, to save Yuchan.

 

“I’m sorry..” Junhee said as he tries to calm them down, “And thank you for being there for me since we’re kids, for being with a sick person like me even though it’s going to be a pain, for being a good friend to me. I’m really thankful and I want to spend more time with the two of you but I really have to say goodbye for now and in the next time that we’ll meet, we’ll enjoy our lives at its fullest. Thank you Euna for being a great friend and to you, Rayoon.. thank you for being there for me all of the time. For the times that the two of you would dye my hair or make some baked goods for me. For visiting me even though your schedules are too tight, for being a caring friend. Thank you..”

“Junhee! Please..” Rayoon kept on shaking his head.

“Yoonie, he deserves to live longer.” Junhee said and held Euna and Rayoon's hands “I love Yuchan so much and he doesn’t deserve this, he deserves a second chance to reaffirm himself. Please don’t snatch that chance away from him..”

“Junhee, if that’s your decision. Then we’ll respect that..” Euna said as she wiped her tears, “But it hurts. You’ve been an important person in our lives so it won’t be easy.”

“I know..” Junhee said as he looked at Rayoon, “Yoon?”

“No matter how much we beg, you’ll still save that boy.” Rayoon said as he scoffed, “If that’s what you want then fine..”

 

In all of the sudden, everyone hugged Junhee as they cried while he could do nothing but smile at them. It’s the least that he can do to all of them, to see him smile a genuine one.

 

After a while, he was already going to Gwangsuk's office. Each step seems to get heavier and his breathing kept on getting deeper than it is until he opened the door to his office, revealing Gwangsuk with a blank expression, one of his facade.

 

“Hello Gwangsuk-hyung..” Junhee greeted him as he smiled.

“Are you done?” Gwangsuk asks him.

Junhee shook his head, “Not yet. I still have to bid my farewell on three person.”

“Who?” Gwangsuk asked.

“Dr. Jung yet he was on leave then you, Gwangsuk-hyung.” Junhee replied, “And also Yuchan.”

“He’s currently in the ICU, they’ve been monitoring his condition because in any time, his heart might stop beating.” Gwangsuk explained.

“Can I visit him?” Junhee asked.

“Usually, it’s not allowed to visit him but for you.. alright,” Gwangsuk stated before standing from his seat, “Follow me.”

“Sure.”

 

Gwangsuk leads the way as they've arrived at the room where Yuchan is admitted, Junhee can see Yuchan from the transparent window separating both of them. Seeing Yuchan around those machines scares Junhee, he wants to embrace Yuchan but he knew that he shouldn’t. He feels so guilty because of what happened to Yuchan.

 

“You can get inside for a while and once that we’re done, we’ll be transferring Yuchan at the operating room and we’ll prepare you for the check-ups,” Gwangsuk said.

“Noted.” Junhee said as he wore a mask and went inside the room.

The room was silent and he sat at the chair beside Yuchan’s bed, he can see that Yuchan’s hands were filled with scars—Yuchan hates scars. He believes that scars are ugly and hard to fade. He saw how Yuchan seems to be asleep yet he knew how horrible this situation is and Yuchan might be fighting for his life, maybe if Yuchan can hear his voice, he’ll be able to make it through that fight. So he started to sing, he sang a lot of songs until his throat felt like it's burning.

But he wasn’t expecting Yuchan to open his eyes, it caught Junhee off-guard but as their eyes met, he felt so comforted and felt the same warmth whenever Yuchan looks at him. The look that can make his heart race, soon enough, this heart will be the one beating for Yuchan. Since it knew how Junhee loves Yuchan, it’ll keep on beating for Yuchan to express how Junhee loves the brown-haired male. 

 

“Yuchan, do you hear me? I bet that you do, I.. just want to say that I’m really sorry for everything. I guess that I really don’t deserve you at all,”Junhee can’t prevent his tears from falling as he sobbed, “But hey, can I ask you something? It’s more like a favor.”

“When you wake up, I’ll be hiding somewhere and it’s your obligation to find me. And when you find me, chase me. Chase me until we’re out of the hospital, until we’re free— I’m the one that is chased and you’re the chaser. Is that clear?” he asked. He loves the thought of playing tag but due to his health, he couldn’t play it so maybe when he’s dead, he could do that.

“You probably couldn't understand it but I’ll remind you a bit, you’ll remember me. And I know that you can find me, I’ll be waiting for you.” he added.

“And after chasing me out of here, tell me your reply on what I’m about to say.” Junhee anticipates for this one, Yuchan’s honest confession—the one that he wants to hear.

“I love you, Kang Yuchan.” he said before standing up. He hopes that Yuchan can understand what he's saying because this is probably the last time that he’ll be able to say this.

“Loving you is the best thing that happened to me and I’ll treasure it forever, you were my everything and I would give you everything that I’ve got, that is how I love you. My heart can prove it to you, I think that it’s a coincidence how my heart seems to be it’s destined to be given to you. To receive all of my love. So please do your best and fight for your life, you deserve the whole world. You deserve all of the brighness and happiness, you deserve to reach the sky and to achieve your dreams. So please fight it, Yuchan. I’ll be waiting,okay?” Junhee leaned and kissed Yuchan’s forehead before looking at him for the last time.

“See you soon, Yuchan. I’ll be waiting.” he muttered, loud enough for Yuchan to hear before walking out of the room to see Gwangsuk looking at him.

“Let’s go?” Gwangsuk asked.

Junhee nodded, “Yes. Let’s.”

 

 

Junhee isn’t fond of the check-up but once that the doctors considered him to be a heart donor, they immediately prepared for Yuchan’s operation and here he is, lying at a bed while Gwangsuk is preparing him for the operation.

 

“Gwangsuk-hyung, please tell Dr. Jung how thankful I am to him. And also, thank you for everything. Take care of Yuchan for me, make sure that he’ll be discharged of this hospital to be a healthy one again,” Junhee said and grinned at him, “Can’t you show your true emotions for a while?”

“I refuse, it’ll affect my patient so I must stay calm.” Gwangsuk said and sighs, “But Junhee, are you really sure about this?”

Junhee nods, “Yes.”

“Aren’t you afraid?” Gwangsuk asked.

“Of course, I’m afraid.” Junhee admitted. He can't even stop the shaking of his hands and he's afraid of operations but all of this is for Yuchan “But I just have to do it.”

“If this is what you want, I’ll respect your decision.” Gwangsuk stated, “Do you have any regrets?”

“There is one.. and that is to hold him tight that day so that he didn’t managed to escape,” Junhee replies, “But it’s alright. I’ve lived a good life even though it have to be an unfornate one.”

“I see..” Gwangsuk said as he injected a syringe in Junhee, “Well then. Good night, Junhee.”

“G-Good night, Gwangsuk-hyung..” Junhee replies, “It’s been a great life, my family and friends were nice, even though my body hurts all the times.. it’s alright. Yuchan had been there for me.”

“I am happy right now. The operation’s scary but I’ll be fine..” Junhee mutters as he felt drowsy, “Yuchan..”

 

He suddenly thought of the brown-haired male and almost all of the moments that they’ve had that he chuckled then smiled before everything went black. Good night,self.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

       GWANGSUK IS ABOUT TO ENTER YUCHAN’S ROOM, yet he stopped and shook his head.

 

“I should give him some time alone..” Gwangsuk muttered before he starts to walk away from the room, “Ah.. Junhee. Why did you even save him?”

“Why aren’t you going inside?” Junyoung asked after watching the doctor walked around the hallway, “You've been there for a while, Gwangsuk-hyung.”

“Got a feeling that it isn’t the right time for that..” Gwangsuk replies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this fic! Comments are really appreciated! It would be nice to hear your opinions about this chapter :'>


	22. d-4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i'm sorry for the late update once again. my work is draining all of my ideas and energy so i'm terribly sorry if this chapter is still lame as heck. also i rushed the flashback scene due to the lack of ideas.. and time since this is my lasy rest day before my work (and enrollment) kills me : (
> 
> to everyone that kept on reading this. thank you very much! i'm really thankful of you guys~ u w u

       IT WAS YEBIN’S FIRST DAY IN THE HOSPITAL, yet something wonderful had already happened to her. She was expecting running around the hospital halls and helping out the doctors but she was assigned to monitor the patients at the sixth floor, the floor where patients with terminal illnesses were confined.

At first, she was hesitant but completely gave in and she enjoyed it. Despite being sad for patients like them, she enjoyed seeing their contented and thankful smiles whenever she talks to them. Some of them were kind of cold and snobbish but she knew that it’s their coping mechanism, she knew her limitations and doesn’t pry on them. Some were really nice and cheerful despite having an unfortunate fate, Yebin commends them for that.

Besides, one of the doctors, Gwangsuk along with Junyoung were nice to her. Both were fun to be with and she enjoys their company, she’s sure that they’ll be close friends in a few days.

“Yebin, I want you to meet someone.” Junyoung said as he glanced at the female nurse.

“Who?” Yebin asked, tilting her head slightly.

“One of the patients here but he’s just around our age,” Junyoung replies, “Do you want to meet him?”

“Sure.” Yebin agrees and both of them kept on walking until Junyoung stopped in front of room 0602's door that was smeared with paint in it “He’s here?”

“Yes.” Junyoung replied and knocked before opening the door, “Junhee-hyung?”

“Come in.” Yebin heard a voice from the room and Junyoung gestured him to come with him inside the hospital room.

“Junhee-hyung, I would like you to meet Yebin! She’s one of the new nurses in this floor and she’s probably going to be assigned on taking care of you!” Junyoung beamed.

“Yebin?” The male asked as he tilted his head a bit before smiling, “Hello. My name is Junhee but you can call me Jun.”

 

It seems that as the male introduced himself, the wind carried petals from the cherry blossoms outside and scattered around the room, and time seems to stop. She had heard this from her parents, how the time seems to stop when she meets someone that could take her interest too much and how everything seems to brighten. And the way he smiled, Yebin felt like she was strucked by something.

She never met someone as ethereal as this male. From his furrowed eyebrows, hazel brown orbs down to his lips, everything seems to be beautiful on this male. Except from the fact that he’s here, on that hospital bed with a lot of stuff attached to him.

 

“Yebin?” Yebin gasped and immediately looked away after realizing that she had been spacing out.

“I-I'm sorry!” Yebin shut her eyes close as she bowed apologetically “I’m Y-Yebin! It’s nice to meet you!”

“You’re right about him, Yukjun. She’s kinda cheerful,” Junhee mused.

“I bet that both of you will get along,” Junyoung replies, tapping Yebin’s shoulder while looking at Junhee.

“Likewise.” Junhee said then looked at Yebin as his eyes crinkled and a smile is seen on his face “Yebin, let’s get along. Okay?”

 

Yebin could only nod as a reply, she felt like an actual fool for being speechless in front of Junhee. There’s something wrong with this boy.. or was it actually that there’s something wrong with her? 

“Should I leave the two of you alone for now? Talk,” Junyoung said as he grinned, “Gotta take care of some patients.”

“Wait! Let me help!” Yebin tried to offer some help but Junyoung shook his head.

“It’s alright, Yebin. For now, just take care of Junhee-hyung and get along. It would be nice for him to have an another friend,” Junyoung said as he looked at Junhee, “Hyung, I’ll be leaving now.”

“See you later.” Junhee said as he nodded and looked at Yebin, “Relax. Don’t push yourself too hard and relax for a while, Yebin.”

“Okay.” Yebin mutters.

 

As Junyoung went out of the room, it felt more awkward as none of the two tried to talk. Yebin is still looking at Junhee ad the male is doing the same thing, waiting for one of them to initiate a conversation. She doesn’t even know why she couldn’t talk that much just like the usual, as if something’s restricting her.

“Geez, even though this floor is high already. The cherry blossoms can still be carried by the wind,” Junhee said as he looked around “They’re pretty though.”

“Just like you,” Yebin said but immediately gasped when she realized what she just said.

“Wow. That was smooth, Binbin.” Junhee said, chuckling lightly while Yebin’s looking away at him.

“I didn’t mean to.. and why did you just called me Binbin?” Yebin asked, still averting his gaze from the male.

“Well, Junyoung is Yukjun and you should have your own nickname too.” Junhee explained, “Is it okay for me to call you that?”

“I don’t mind..” Yebin replied.

Junhee’s expression brightened, “I thought that you’re going to dislike it.”

“I wouldn’t dislike that. Besides, I like it.” Yebin admits, looking down.

“What a relief,” Junhee said in a calm way and sighed, “Binbin, let’s talk about you. May I know why you decided to become a nurse? Or probably a doctor in the future..”

“Well, ever since I was a kid, I’ve been wanting to become a doctor and this is my first step on attaining that. I’ve always wanted to help people and make them smile yet I know how hard it is, how difficult it is to please the people you wanted to help. Some were hesitant and some would even reject the offer but I must endure it to achieve my goals,” Yebin explains, “Aside from that, my monthly salary’s worth it!”

“Finally achieving your goal, that must’ve felt wonderful.” Junhee said as he smiled at Yebin again, “I wonder if that is what my friend will feel once he’s only a few steps away from his goal.”

“Your friend?” Yebin asked as she tilted her head slightly.

“Well, one of my friends wanted to become a well-known painter so I’m really hoping that he’ll achieve that.” Junhee said as he smiled, something that Yebin notices to be genuine.

“I think your friend might achieve that, just keep on working hard and he’ll be able to reach his goals!” Yebin said, raising her fists.

“You’re right,” Junhee stated “You’re really cheerful, aren’t you?”

“Of course! I have to infect y’all with my happiness!” Yebin said as she posed with finger guns as if she's shooting Junhee with it.

Junhee laughs, “That’s just too cute.”

 

Yebin is screaming internally with all of these sensations that she’s feeling, this patient is too wonderful and even his laugh makes her heart race. She wonders if it’s because he’s just around her age and because she was surprised to see a young patient that she can talk to, but she shrugs it off as she continued talking to this patient. She wants to know him better, she wants to know why a patient like him is as radiant as the stars even though he should be as dim as the night sky. She wants to know what made this person have hope even though it’s usual for them to be in despair.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•

       IN JUST A FEW MONTHS, Yebin and Junhee became close friends as the female nurse never forgets to visit the male and chat with him for a bit every single shift that she have. All of it were during daytime so she never got the chance to meet the friend that Junhee kept on talking about, she met Euna and Rayoon which was Junhee’s childhood friends but she never had the chance that male that Junhee kept on talking about—that boy that is as radiant as the sun. 

 

That male which made this hopeless patient regains his hope, or probably he’s that patient’s last hope.

 

 

She was too immorsed on her thoughts that she was surprised when she bumped into someone and almost fell to the ground if she hasn’t balanced herself that well. She doesn’t know what to do and looked at the person who bumped her, a male with brown hair that shot him an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry!” the male said as he bowed his head.

“No, it’s alright.” Yebin assured him.

“I’m really sorry!” the male repeated before running away into the corridor that Yebin is familiar with.

 

 

She doesn’t know why but there’s something off with that male, as if Yebin sensed that there’s something unlikable with him. She continued to walk to the next patient’s room as the thought of Junhee filled her mind once again, it’s quite weird but she kept on thinking about the male lately. That blonde-haired male and wondered if he’ll look good with black hair which made her squeal a bit.

 

Feeling like this towards Junhee is definitely weird, that’s what she thought about this.

 

HOWEVER, a year had passed and she finally realized what was happening and with a few existencial crisis and almost having a mental breakdown, she realized that she likes Junhee. Not as a friend nor patient but as a man, something that she shouldn't feel towards the male.

“Jun, what am I going to do?” she whines at Junyoung.

Junyoung sighs, “Confess or not.”

“But it’ll be awkward for the both of us!” Yebin cries.

“Either way, things will get awkward to the both of you.” Junyoung said as he looked at Yebin, “I don’t want you to get hurt but let me be honest, Junhee has his eyes on somebody.”

“Oh..” Yebin said as she looked down.

“Sorry, Yebin. I couldn’t lie to you and it’s just that Junhee’s the happiest when he’s with that person.” Junyoung sheepishly said and scratched his nape.

“I just hope that he’ll be alright with that person, I just hope that he’s always happy when he’s with that person. His happiness matters the most in here,” Yebin admits, “I’ll be alright.”

“It’s alright not to feel alright.” Junyoung said and patted Yebin, “Of course, it hurts. You like Junhee but your feelings won't be reciprocated by him.”

“I know but Junhee deserves the whole world!” Yebin said, grinning at Junyoung.

“The person I’m talking about is probably with Junhee right now, want to see that person?” Junyoung asks, “It seems that you haven’t even met that person.”

“It’s alright. I don’t want to disturb them,” Yebin assured Junyoung.

Junyoung shrugs, “Alright.”

 

 

As Junyoung left to take care of the other patients, Yebin’s curiousity got the best of her and took a peek on Junhee’s room. She was surprised to see that brown-haired male which bumped her a few months ago to be laughing with Junhee and it seems that Junhee’s laugh is genuine, it made her heart ache. Making Junhee smile and laugh like that, she wants to do it too.

“I lost to a man..” Yebin murmured, covering her face with both of her hands before she leaned on the white wall.

 

She feels so little, how in the world did she lost over a man? It was wrong, it was definitely wrong to love someone with the same gender yet Junhee, someone that looks too pure is head over heels with the brunette. She wants to be like that man, to make Junhee really happy yet all of it seems to be impossible now. 

 

“It hurts..” she mumbled.

“You said that you’ll be alright yet here you are,” Junyoung said, which made Yebin look at him.

“He looks so happy that it hurts..” Yebin said as she took a peek on Junhee as tears form in the corner of her eyes.

“Of course, it'll hurt.” Junyoung said as she ruffled Yebin’s hair “You’re doing your best, Yebin. You’re being selfless because you want the best for Junhee-hyung, it’s alright to feel hurt. You’re a human, you couldn’t supress sadness and jealousy that much.”

“Jun.. he looks so happy. I hope that it’ll be like this all the time..” Yebin said.

Junyoung nodded, “I hope so.”

 

And Yebin couldn’t stop herself from crying while Junyoung sighs as he comfort the female nurse, it’s the least that he can do for his friend. Besides, both of them wants Junhee to be happy.

•°•°•°•°•°•°

       JUNHEE was currently reading a novel that Yebin bought for him when Yebin’s phone suddenly rang, startling the nurse that was currently on her break and took it. She looked at Junhee, in which the older male nods so she could answer the call.

“Hello? It’s quite surprising, sorry for answering the call a bit late. How are you?” Yebin’s voice seems to be a bit more cheerful before gasping “Oh, really?! That’s nice! That means that you’re enrolling to this city’s school, right?! We can hang out often now!”

“I see,” Yebin smiled as her eyes crinkled “See you tomorrow then. Take care.”

“Who’s that?” Junhee asked, removing his glasses as he closed the book he’s reading.

“A close friend of mine,” Yebin replied.

“You sound so happy talking to her..” Junhee said.

Yebin nods, “Of course, who wouldn’t? We’ve been buddies since we’re kids.”

“I see. Childhood friends are really wonderful, isn’t it?” Junhee asked.

Yebin nods, “Yes!”

“I’ve heard that she’s going to enroll on the school near this hospital. That means it’s probably the school where Yoon, Euna and Yuchanie’s in, am I right?” Junhee asked, his eyes started to gleam.

“Uh.. yes,” Yebin replies.

“Oh, speaking of Yuchan! You haven’t met him properly!” Junhee said as he grinned, “Both of you were so alike that both of you will probably get along as soon as possible!”

“Oh.” Yebin finds this conversation a bit awkward.

She’s still in the process of moving on yet just seeing Junhee smile or laugh when that male’s name was mentioned makes her heart ache, it still sting a bit.

“That guy you’re talking about, do you like him?” Yebin asks in all of the sudden.

It startled Junhee which made him jump a bit and drop the novel he’s reading as he looked at Yebin with widened eyes, face was already red because of blushing too much “C-Come again?”

“Do you like him? Not as a friend but as a man?” Yebin asks, crossing her arms as she raised an eyebrow.

“I.. Yes.” Junhee admitted, drooping his head “But I shouldn’t tell him about that, it must be a secret that I’ll be keeping in my grave.”

“But why aren’t you confessing to that guy? You should tell him what you feel!” Yebin tried to encourage Junhee, despite the jealousy she’s feeling, she wanted to witness how happy Junhee is.

“Because I’m dying, Yebin.” Junhee said and smiled at her, “I couldn’t attach myself too much to him, it would just cause him to be in pain.”

“You wouldn’t die, Junhee! We’ll find a way to cure your disease! As long as you’re waking up the next day, there’s still hope!” Yebin said, gripping on her uniform.

“To be very honest, I gave up. Hoping on things like that wouldn’t heal me at all, I’m aware that I’m going to die soon and I’m thankful of the fact that I could wake up on the following day,” Junhee said as he held Yebin’s hand “And I’m thankful of you and Junyoung befriending me, both of you had been an important part of my life.”

“D-Don’t talk like you’re going to die soon!” Yebin scolded him as she flickered his forehead using her fingers.

“Yebin!” Junhee yelped as he pouted, “It hurts, Binbin!”

“Serves you right,” Yebin said as she glared at the blond-haired male in front of her “Don’t you dare say such pessimistic stuff, you get it?! I don’t want to hear any of that coming from you or else, you’ll feel the wrath of Baek Yebin!”

Junhee whispered, “Alright.”

“What did you just say? I can’t hear it. Louder, Junhee!” Yebin said in a menacingly tone as she smirked which made Junhee gulped.

“Y-Yes! I won’t!”

Yebin sighed in relief, “I’ll be looking forward for the non-pessimist Junhee.”

“Girls are so scary,” Junhee whimpered.

“Is that why you prefer boys?” Yebin asked.

Junhee shook his head, “No. It’s actually complicated but Yuchan.. he saved me. He had shown me wonderful colors that I’ve never seen in my life, he’s always there for me and he makes sure that I’m happy. He’s unaware that he’s the reason why I’m happy and I’m excited for what is about to happen tomorrow, I’m excited to see him again and that smile of him. That smile which saved me years ago, he’s my sunshine.”

 

 

Yebin can’t help but smile at Junhee, the way he explained it was adorable and he looks too shy to admit it. It makes Yebin more motivated to see Junhee and that Yuchan guy to be together, she wants to see Junhee in his happiest state. She wants to save him just like how that Yuchan guy saved Junhee. It's the least that she can do for the guy that she likes... and will be ‘liked’ soon.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

       YEBIN started to have assumptions with Yuchan when Rayoon, one of Junhee's childhood friends told him about the rumors. That every single girlfriend that Yuchan got turns into something that is mentally unstable or miserable, as if being in a relationship with this guy is a curse. She started to get worried of Junhee and became a bit mean to the brown-haired male.

 

“Hello, Yebin-sshi!” Yuchan greeted him as he waved his hand.

“What do you want?” she asked in a icy tone.

“Is Junhee-hyung awake?” Yuchan asks, smiling a bit.

Yebin shrugs, “Find it out yourself.”

 

 

She walks away as Yuchan tilted his head in confusion, he had always been curious about Yebin and how cold she is when it comes to him. While Yebin can't help but feel irritated whenever he sees Yuchan as his worry for Junhee gets worse, she wants to be overprotective but she knows that Junhee wouldn’t be glad for that.

 

“Bin, are you alright?” Gwangsuk asked, tapping the female nurse’s shoulder.

“G-Gwangsuk-sshi!” Yebin yelps.

“You’ve been spacing out lately. Is there something wrong?” Gwangsuk asked.

Yebin nodded, “I’m worried about Junhee.”

“Why?” Gwangsuk asked again.

“I don’t trust Yuchan at all.” Yebin stated.

Gwangsuk sighs, “Is that about the rumors? The ones that Rayoon and Euna told us?”

“Yes...”

“All of the people have their own skeletons in their closets,” Gwangsuk stated, putting his hands inside the pockets of his lab coat “So I’m neutral when it comes to other people.”

“I don’t trust him, Gwangsuk-sshi. What if he’ll hurt Junhee? He’s too shady..” Yebin said, pouting as she clenched her fists “I want Junhee to be happy..”

“If you want him to be happy then keep on supporting him, Yuchan might be shady but his intention to make Junhee happy is genuine. Both of you are alike in that aspect,” Gwangsuk said as he gave Yebin a side-long glance “And also at the way that both of you doesn’t care if you'll hurt other people, both of you care for Junhee the most.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Yebin asked.

Gwangsuk shrugged, “Just an observation.”

 

And she kept an eye on Yuchan, she noticed how Yuchan smiles so wide whenever he’s with Junhee. He seems to be like that when it comes to Junhee and Yebin couldn’t help but agree with Gwangsuk, he’s a nice person when it comes to Junhee but with an another person, it’s an another story to be told.

Yebin also noticed how her friend seems to neglect her, she hasn’t been texting her or even just a call for a minute or two. The last conversation that they had was about her friend having a crush on one of their school’s popular student and how they became close, she was so happy for her friend but she can’t help but feel jealous because of the attention that she isn’t getting.

Yet she didn’t expect that while she’s on her way to the hospital, she saw her friend on the other side of the road. She was about to call her when she froze, she suddenly felt like throwing up as she saw Yuchan holding her friend’s hand and smiling at her sweetly which made her friend blush. It all makes sense, how her friend started to neglect her because of Yuchan.

 

It makes her paranoid and a lot meaner to Yuchan, she couldn’t help but be mean to the brown-haired male. She felt like her friends had been snatched from him by Yuchan. It’s not fair. Yet she still sends a message or two to her friend all the time, just to make her feel that Yebin isn’t neglecting her.

 

“Junhee, are you alright?” Yebin asked as she looked at Junhee that kept on coughing.

“Not feeling well,” Junhee said as he smiled but suddenly coughed once again.

“Oh my..” Yebin looked at Junhee’s hand which was covered in blood.

“Oh dear.” Junhee kept on coughing as Yebin sprinted out of the room and called Gwangsuk.

 

 

Junhee isn’t getting any better. That is what Gwangsuk kept on telling her yet she couldn’t just give up like that, there’s still hope. Junhee will get better. Junhee will be cured. Junhee will definitely get through this. After a few hours of her shift, she was surprised to see a lot of messages from her phone. Some were from Euna, Rayoon and others were from her other friends. And once that she opened it, she couldn't prevent the tears from coming out as she cried.

Junhee isn’t getting better and her friend has been kicked out of their school for bringing drugs inside the campus and for trying to violate Kang Yuchan, the boy that Junhee loves. She couldn’t help but loathe the brunette, she’s sure that her friend isn’t like that and that Yuchan guy did something with her.

And when she found out about the truth, she promised herself that she wouldn’t forget all of it as she’ll wait for Yuchan’s karma to arrive. That she’ll be the one laughing at his pitiful state.

Yet on Yuchan’s pitiful state, she still cried. Junhee offered his life to him without hesitating, he still gave his heart away just to save Kang Yuchan. 

 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

       YUCHAN was surprised when he saw Yebin entered his room with her usual grumpy look, he immediately closed his sketchbook as he looked at her before looking away immediately, he couldn’t stand it. He felt so guilty that he couldn’t even meet her gaze.

 

 

“You feel like shit that you can't even look at me? Truly pathetic.” Yebin asks in a tone as if she's mocking him before she sat on the seat in front of Yuchan’s bed, “Lift your head up, Kang Yuchan.”

“I-I couldn’t.. I've done such a horrible thing to you and your friend,” Yuchan said, shutting his eyes close.

“Well, yes. You’ve done such a horrible thing to me, you took Junhee and my friend away from me. Now, my friend’s at a rehabilitation facility and Junhee’s six feet underground.” Yebin said.

“I know that you won't be able to forgive me, Yebin-sshi but I won’t stop apologizing. I’m truly sorry for everything,” Yuchan said and gripped on the sheets.

“Hmm.” Yebin snickered as she lifted Yuchan’s head gently “I said that you shouldn’t look down and face me, if you’re truly sorry about it then tell it in my face.”

“A-Aren’t you mad at me? Mad at me that just seeing my face irks you?” Yuchan asked, still not looking at Yebin.

“Oh, Kang Yuchan. You don’t know how much I loathed you. I loathe, loathe, loathe, loathe, loathe, loathe you to death. If it wasn’t for you, Junhee could probably be spending his last days and probably spending his birthday in the next three days. My friend could’ve been happy and doing the best that she could in that university..” Yebin said as she let go of Yuchan’s chin and gripped Yuchan’s collar with nh of her hands “Until you came. You’re like a hurricane that ruined everything up.”

“I’m really sorry.”

 

 

Yebin flinched when Yuchan looked at her with a miserable look that she let go of his collar and sat, she couldn’t help but feel bad on the male. She can see how miserable Yuchan is after being aware of everything that he did, Junyoung even told her how pitiful Yuchan looked when he was finally aware of the bad stuff that he did. Even though Yuchan’s not a good person, he’s still a human—someone that could feel emotions.

 

 

“But you know what? I know that the moments they’ve spent with you, I’m sure that you’ve made them happy. I’m sure that you’ve infected them with your cheery self. Junhee is a pessimist and someone that is used to faking his smiles but when it comes to you, Junhee looks like he’s the happiest person in the whole world. My friend is timid and a loner but you’ve invaded her world and probably changed her into a cheerful one, that is what Rayoon had been telling me. You’ve somehow made them happy and even though you have done something bad to them, it wouldn't deny the fact that you made them smile.” Yebin said as she sighed, “I loathe you, yes. But I’m somehow thankful of you for that. I may hate you for now but I couldn’t hate someone too much, that is just too much.”

“I couldn’t even save Junhee-hyung.. he’s the one that saved me.” Yuchan said as tears started to form on the corner of his eyes, “It's all my fault..”

“Your fault or not, it’s already over. The only thing that you can do is to repent, Kang Yuchan.” Yebin said as she crossed her legs, “By the way, I can give you the address of my friend’s rehabilitation facility and I want you to apologize to her. She deserves that.. after what you've done to her. All she wanted was to graduate and to have a stable job but because of you, that will be difficult for her.”

“I’m such a monster..” Yuchan gripped his hair as he started to cry “I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself..”

Yebin couldn’t help but sighed in annoyance, “Your guilt is too much that you’re starting to hate yourself. That’s bad. Prevent it at all cost.”

“Why? I should be hated by everyone!” Yuchan complains.

“Everyone doesn’t deserve to be hated, hate is such a strong emotion. You can still repent for your sins until your last breathe, stop focusing on that hate and just start to repent for everything.” Yebin explained to him.

Yuchan shook his head, “Why are you saying that to me? You should hate me too..”

“Because I’m a human, just like you. We both know how it feels.. how horrible it is. Not saving the ones that we wanted to protect and failing them. Honestly, it makes me feel sick. But we’re human, we can still continue our lives as we try to correct every wrongdoing that we’ve done.” Yebin said and tapped Yuchan’s shoulder.

 

 

Yuchan can’t help but cry harder, he wanted to apologize to everyone for being such a mean person. He wanted to see Junhee again and to apologize to him for everything, for hurting him and for making him sad. Yebin just looked at Yuchan that kept on sobbing whil muttering a bunch of apologies.

 

She can sense how sad Yuchan is. And it’s somehow making her feel sad too.

 

 

“Junhee’s birthday is at the second day of June. Three days to go, Kang Yuchan. You’re sketching him right now, am I correct? Maybe he’ll be happy to know if you’ll be able to finish it.” Yebin said while she stood and held Yuchan’s sketchbook and opened it, looking at the sketches one by one and every single sketch is connected to Junhee which made her feel nostalgic “You.. are so whipped. I can relate to how you feel.. Junhee is really an amazing person, right? He can really make anyone’s heart race.”

“W-What?” Yuchan looked at Yebin which was smiling sweetly as she looked at the unfinished sketch of Junhee, the one that Yuchan is currently working at.

“Junhee is such a lovely person..” Yebin muttered before facing Yuchan, “We’re so lucky to meet him and become a part of his life, aren’t we?”

“Yes. Meeting him is the best thing that happened to my life,” Yuchan said as he smiled sadly, remembering their first meeting.

“Likewise.” Yebin stated before she gently gave the sketchbook back to Yuchan, “You better finish this and show it to him. He’s somehwere around here, he’ll probably show himself to you soon enough.”

“I miss him already.” Yuchan said and he pouted.

“It’s quite unfair how you can only see him while Gwangsuk-sshi saw him one time and managed to talk to him,” Yebin said as she glanced at Yuchan, “Hey.”

“W-What is it?”

“I’d like to know you better, I want to know the personality of the person who won over Junhee's heart. After this, can we hang out? Probably at my day-off. Then let’s visit Junhee..” Yebin said as she smirked, “Also, let’s visit my friend. You deserve a punch and a slap from her relatives.”

“I..” Yuchan gulped before nodding “I’ll accept every beating that they’ll do. After all, I deserve all of it.”

“Don’t push yourself too much. You deserve to be punched but to beat you up? Nah. Besides, Junhee would be mad at me if I’ll let his ‘sunshine’ get beat up..” Yebin said, “We started on a rough part so let’s start from scratch, shall we?”

“Sure thing, Yebin.” Yuchan said as he wiped his tears.

Yebin streched her hand toward Yuchan, “Hello. I am Baek Yebin, a nurse and also one of the nurses that in charge of monitoring you.”

Yuchan sems to be hesitant but he held Yebin's hand and shook it, “H-Hello. I’m Kang Yuchan, a patient that recently woke up from a two month-coma and I’m going to be discharged soon.”

“Let’s get along, shall we?”

Yuchan nods, “Okay.”

 

Yebin thought that Yuchan can really affect other people’s emotions with his own, it’s probably one of his charms. She couldn't wait to know more about him, she can feel like they're going to be close friends talking about Junhee and how good-looking he is. She might dislike him for now but for Junhee's sake, she'll give Yuchan a chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this fic. leaving a comment or two would be appreciated :]
> 
> and also.. a.c.e's teasers are killing me. u w u


	23. d-3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a month. sorry for the late update.
> 
> the next chapter will be filled with junchan moments while the following chapter after that is the final one. thank you very much for reading this story ;;

       TWO YEARS AGO, Gwangsuk was transferred into the hospital nearby his hometown because of the lack of staffs in it. Gwangsuk accepted it whole-heartedly and for the first three weeks of his duty in the hospital, there’s a bunch of weird stuff that he wanted to unravel. Just like the mini-art gallery which is unusual for a hospital to have, he wanted to ask why and what happened but he’s still a newbie in everyone’s eyes in this place so he shouldn’t pry into it too much.

But during his one-hour break, here he is. Looking at the paintings in the mini-art gallery, somehow admiring it and feeling a bit sad. He loves painting and dancing a lot and was actually going to pursue a career related to it but he’s not that naive. He knew how the whole world works, how the other people would just underestimate him for having a dream like that. Because all of them are supposed to be hobby.. just hobby. You wouldn’t get enough money in those.

Gwangsuk somehow despised the society. All of the people are nothing but hypocrites, thinking that what they're thinking is the only right now. Not all things can be understood and there will be times that misunderstandings might happen. 

So he gave it up.

His dreams.

His plans.

His happiness.

Because of the cruel society, he gave up on dancing and painting. He started to pursue a career that he’ll be having a lot of money but despite that, the only thing that comes on his mind is that he can help. Gwangsuk doesn’t care at all on society and their opinions but he know how he will have a hard time if he’ll disagree with them so he kept quiet and let himself go with the flow.

Gwangsuk wanted to be normal. Just like them. But in the end, he’s aware of how fake he is. How often he wears that mask and how often he hid his true emotions. He felt like he wasn’t even living anymore, just breathing and doing the same things again and again.

And slowly, his world seems to lose its colors. Turning into a monochrome one. Losing all its light and darkness, just plain gray all over the place and nothing else. He was expecting his everyday to be like this.

Yet here he is. Looking at a certain painting that slowly brings the colors and everything back, the memories that Gwangsuk already hid is playing at the back of his mind just like a movie. It makes him feel uneasy yet he wants to indulge in this emotion. It’s comforting him in a weird way.

“Yume.” He heard a voice in which he turned his head to the direction where the voice came from, revealing a male wearing a hospital gown and pants while his blond hair seems to be a bit wavy.

“Excuse me?” Gwangsuk asked.

“Yume. That is what this painting is called.” the blond male replied, smiling a bit “It means dream in Japanese.”

“I see.” Gwangsuk said as he kept on looking at the painting. It was an abstract one where in a person that couldn’t understand and appreciate art, it’s nothing but a bunch of paint smudged in a canvas but for Gwangsuk, it’s different. Way different on what the other people thinks of it.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The way how the light colors are smudged into each other,” the patient says while smiling “Honestly, I don’t know a thing about art but the way this paint comforts me.. it’s somehow magical. I wish that other people could understand paintings just like this.”

“You seem to like it,huh?” Gwangsuk said.

The patient nodded, “Yes! I like it! What about you?”

“Me?” Gwangsuk asked as he looked at the patient for a while before nodding, “I am actually pleased with this artwork.”

“That’s good to hear!” the patient stated as he clasped his hands and grins.

“And why is that?” Gwangsuk asked again.

The patient went a bit closer to the painting before glancing at Gwangsuk, “Because I know that he will be happy when he hears that someone likes his works.”

“Oh. You know the one who made these..” Gwangsuk stated.

“Yes, he’s actually a friend of mine.” The patient replied before stretching his hand to Gwangsuk’s side, “I’m Junhee. May I know your name, doctor?”

“Gwangsuk.” he introduced himself as he shook Junhee’s hand, somehow uncomfortable on how thin the male’s fingers is.

“Are you a new one? I haven’t seen you for a while,” Junhee asks.

Gwangsuk nodded, “Yes.”

“Where are you assigned?” Junhee asked again.

“Well, I’m actually assigned to operations. But most of the time, I’ll be monitoring the sixth floor patients’ conditions.” Gwangsuk replied.

“Oh! You’re the new one that Dr. Jung is talking about!” Junhee gasped before grinning, “Then we’ll be able to see each other often! Let’s get along, Gwangsuk-sshi!”

“Huh? What is that supposed to mean?” Gwangsuk asked before tilting his head.

Junhee giggled, “You’ll see. I’ll be going now, Gwangsuk-sshi. See you soon.”

Gwangsuk tilted his head as he frowned while he watched the patient walking out of the gallery before realizing that his break is about to be over. He sprinted out of the gallery and went back to his office as soon as possible.

“Why are you in such a hurry, Gwangsuk-sshi?” Junyoung asked as he heard the door opened and revealed a panting Gwangsuk.

“Well..” Gwangsuk stopped for a while to catch his breath, “We need to check the patients’ condition.”

“Relax, Gwangsuk-sshi.” Junyoung stated as he laughed, “You’re too passionate.”

“Well, we couldn’t just relax here while the patients are probably having a bad time.” Gwangsuk said as he straightened his posture.

“Too passionate, it is.” Junyoung stated as he stood, “Okay. I’ll accompany you to your check-ups then. Yebin seems to be busy helping out downstairs.”

Gwangsuk just nodded as he took the things that he needed while some of it was carried by Junyoung, they immediately went out of his office and started to check every single patient in the whole floor. He paid attention to every single concern that they’ve had, taking note of it and assured them that they’ll find a solution for it. Junyoung can’t help but smile a bit at Gwangsuk’s actions, he can sense that the older male’s sincere and he’s not just doing this because it’s his job. He actually cares for them.

 

He resembles Dr. Jung. Though the doctor was promoted, he still visit the patients sometimes to check them out.  Junyoung feel so proud and amazed by these kind of people, people that genuinely cares because they’re paid for it. He felt like Gwangsuk will become a good comrade to a certain person that they’ll visit for the last time.

 

“Gwangsuk-sshi,” Junyoung said as they went out of the patient’s room and looked at the doctor that kept a stern face throughout the whole check-up.

“What?” the older male asks.

“Did you visit this hospital’s mini-art gallery yet?” Junyoung asked back.

“You mean.. that art gallery upstairs?” Junyoung nodded at Gwangsuk's question, “Well, yes. But I was wondering why such a thing was made in a hospital.”

“Because the son of this hospital’s owner requested for it,” Junyoung said and giggled a bit, “The son had received a lot of artworks and it doesn’t fit on his own room so requested for a place to put it. And for other people to see it, to see how wonderful those artworks were.”

“It is actually an amusing bunch of works, whoever made that must’ve been someone that is also passionate and brave.” Gwangsuk said as he smiled.

 

Deep inside, he was kind of jealous. He felt bad for feeling such a petty emotion but he couldn’t help it. He wants to be like that person, to be able to pursue what he’s actually into. Not being forced by the society, not letting them decide what’s the best for you and not letting them get the best of you. He wants to be like that person.

 

“Speaking of this hospital owner’s son, we’re on our way to his room.”  Junyoung said in all of the sudden and Gwangsuk almost stopped on his tracks.

“What?!” Junyoung flinched on how Gwangsuk roared but even the doctor was surprised so he cleared his throat “Pardon me. I was just surprised.”

Junyoung laughs, “Don’t worry. I reacted the same way when I was told that I’m going to that room when I was just hired as an intern.”

“How long have you been in this hospital, Junyoung-sshi?” Gwangsuk asks.

“Oh. Me?” Junyoung pointed at himself before grinning, “I’ve been here for nine months, my training just ended yet the hospital wants me to work for them.”

“Maybe you have done a great job on your training,” Gwangsuk stated.

Junyoung chuckled as pink tint on his cheeks were seen, “I-I think so.”

“Well, being a nurse assigned to this floor is kind of difficult so that means that all of the nurse in this place is great.” Gwangsuk said as he tapped the younger male’s back.

“Thanks..” Junyoung sheepishly said as he suddenly saw a room that made his expression brightened a bit “We’re near the room!”

“Oh.” Gwangsuk saw a door with paint splattered in the middle, making it look different from the other doors.

 

Gwangsuk couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy. He doesn’t know why but as they get near the room, he felt so nervous—which is unusual for someone like him. He is usually confident and proud yet he feels so vulnerable right now.

 

As Junyoung opened the door, he widened his eyes as it met an another pair of brown orbs. The patient inside the room lets out a welcoming grin and waved his hand at both of them before gesturing them to come inside his room. He couldn’t help but let his jaw drop at the sight while Junyoung quietly observed both of them while letting out an amusing laugh.

 

 

“Hello, Junyoung.” The male greeted the younger male before looking directly at the doctor in front of him, “Hello. Fancy meeting you here, doctor-nim.”

“Y-You..” Gwangsuk can’t believe what he’s seeing right now. The patient that talked to him in the art gallery is in this room, smiling at him as if nothing’s wrong.

“I see. Did the two of you met each other?” Junyoung asks.

Junhee nodded, “Yes. He was in Channie’s art gallery a while ago.”

“Oh.” 

“Doctor-nim, I don’t your name yet. Would you mind to introduce yourself?” Junhee said as he looked ag Gwangsuk’s direction.

Gwangsuk snapped out of his thoughts as he cleared his throat, “My name is Gwangsuk.”

“Gwangsuk..” Junhee nods, “Nice to meet you, Gwangsuk-sshi. Let’s get along, shall we?”

“Sure.” Gwangsuk smiles.

 

 

He doesn’t know why but it feels like Junhee will become an important part of his life, as if just meeting him makes him feel in ease. Junhee’s like one of the colors that lights his monochrome world, as if he’s one of the people that would make him feel like he’s also living—just like them.

 

He wouldn’t blurt this out but he’s actually excited for the days that he’ll be spending with these people.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•

 

AS GWANGSUK BARGED IN, he was surprised to see Yuchan smiling as he kept on finishing the sketch that he's currently making for Junhee's birthday. He couldn't help but chuckle as he saw how immorsed the male was on his artwork, somehow reminding him of himself a few years ago before he graduated and started to focus on his job. Yuchan didn't even noticed his existence as the boy was too focused on what he's currently doing.

 

"Yuchan." Yuchan suddenly gasped as he looked at Gwangsuk.

"Y-Yes?" the male asks.

"Just checking if you're handling it well. Seems that I was right," Gwangsuk said as he smiled at the brown-haired male.

"Well, I have to." Yuchan replied.

"But it isn't okay to mask your true emotions, Yuchan. You'll get caught up in too much sadness," Gwangsuk said as he sat on the seat beside Yuchan's bed.

"I'm actually sad but I'll be okay, Gwangshk-sshi. Besides, Junhee wants me to be happy so I'll be happy." Yuchan said, caressing the sketch with his fingers as he smiled "I miss him."

"We miss him," Gwangsuk said as he grins, "It seems like your birthday present for him is about to be done."

"An another rushed artwork but I think that he'll understand why," Yuchan said as he kept on coloring the sketch carefully.

Gwangsuk nodded, "He'll accept that. He always accept gifts from you, he treasures all of it."

"That's why I'm really thankful of him. He spoils me and kept on accepting these gifts from me with a wide smile, he kept on accepting me despite the deeds that I've done. H-He's always there.. ready to accept me for who I am," Yuchan stated as he drooped his head, "H-He's such an angel."

"Indeed," Gwangsuk agrees.

 

 

He looks at Yuchan's artwork and he can't help but stare at it in awe, despite being injured, Yuchan's talent on arts never fade. The sketch is too good to be made by someone that recently gained his ability to move his hands and fingers yet how Yuchan flawlessly color the sketch with the color pencils that Chan gave him was too good to be true. Maybe it was because of Yuchan's burning passion to finish this before Junhee's birthday. 

 

Gwangsuk couldn't help but feel envy towards the younger male. How he wished that he's like him, how he wished that he could be as happy as him. 

 

 

But if he chose to pursue his dreams, will he be able to meet his friends? Will he be able to meet Junhee? Despite feeling the regret of not chasing his dreams, he feels a bit contented on his life now. He have a lot of friends that he can rely on, Junhee is probably watching him from afar and he's happy to help people. 

 

 

Life's unfair, he needs to accept that. But it gave him precious memories and comrades that he could keep, he's more than thankful for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was supposed to be longer but i couldn't write anything that isn't shitty nowadays.. sorry for that.


	24. d-2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm still alive.
> 
>  
> 
> hellooooo. sorry for the delayed update. got too addicted on playing fate grand order and aaaaaaa, it's a good game pls try it @everyone haha
> 
>  
> 
> so here's the second to the last chap of the chaser. thank you so much for supporting this fic!

      “WAKE UP, SUNSHINE.” As if the words had an effect to the sleeping male, Yuchan opened his eyes and felt like he was still dreaming.

 

In front of him, he can see the pinky violet-haired male sitting on the seat beside his bed while flashing that dazzling smile. He just kept on looking and waited for this mirage-like scenery to fade but a minute has passed yet Junhee seems to be waiting for him to say something.

 

“Yuchan?” Junhee couldn’t help but tilt his head in confusion, Yuchan had been staring at him without saying anything.

“It seems like I’m still dreaming..” the younger male muttered before sighing.

“Dreaming?” Junhee asked and blinked twice, “But you’re already awake. What are you talking about?”

“Junhee hyung. I’m still dreaming, there’s no way that you would show yourself up just because of nothing.” Yuchan said as he grinned, “Well.. it’s not like I dislike this. I’ve been waiting for the day that I’ll be seeing you again.”

“Why don’t you try to pinch yourself to know if this is still a dream?” Junhee asked as he sighed.

“Why do I have to do that?” Yuchan asked, tilting his head a bit.

“Just do it already..” Junhee replied in a whine, getting impatient of the younger male.

“Alright, hyung.” Yuchan said as he chuckled before pinching himself too hard, “O-Ow!”

“Don’t overdo it!” Junhee scolded him, crossing his arms.

“I-It hurts,” Yuchan looked at Junhee as he rubbed his cheek “It’s a dream but why do I feel pain in here? Can I take a break on pain and suffering?”

“Because you’ve been awake for a few minutes and you’re still insisting that this is nothing but a dream!” Junhee said, puffing his both of his cheeks “I told you that you’re already awake.”

“Oh..” Yuchan looked at Junhee as he blinked before realizing everything, his cheeks covered with red tint in it as he gasped, “I-It’s real!”

“Of course, it is.” Junhee can’t help but  let out a laugh while looking at the younger male’s expression.

“But why?” Yuchan seems to avoid his gaze from him.

“Why? What is that suppose to mean?” Junhee asked.

Yuchan looked down as he shut his eyes close “Why did you appear right now? You could’ve just appear in front of Yebin, Junyoung or even Gwangsuk-hyung yet you chose me.”

“Is there something wrong with that?” Junhee asked once again, tilting his head a bit

“Of course, there is!” Yuchan replied, brows furrowed as he clenched his fists “You.. died because of me.”

“But I was meant to die in the very beginning, you know how sickly I am before. You knew that I’m really going to die no matter what..” Junhee said as he run his hand through Yuchan’s hair, combing it slowly as he fix the younger male’s bed hair.

“And I did a lot of mean stuff to you, Junhee-hyung.” Yuchan added.

“It’s alright. You’re just confused and scared, Chanie. It’s okay.” Junhee kept on combing his hair and Yuchan wouldn’t lie if he will admit that this isn’t calming him down.

“It’s okay? You could’ve live longer, Junhee-hyung! You could’ve celebrated your birthday tomorrow if it wasn’t for me..” Yuchan can’t help but drown in the sea of guilt once again, remembering Junhee’s smiles and also the expression filled with hurt during the last time that he saw him. 

“Well, it’s my choice to save you. Yuchan, I did this not just for me but also for you. I accepted my fate already and saving you is actually my decision, no one forced me to do that. I wanted you to feel the warmth from the sun whenever you go outside. I wanted you to feel the cold breeze and to enjoy the coldness of winter. I wanted you to experience a lot more—I want you to live the life that I couldn’t have.” Junhee admitted as he kept on combing Yuchan’s hair “It’s not your fault, okay? Nobody blames you for my death and even if someone does, they just need somebody to hate. They’re probably too sad that they couldn’t accept it.. and I don’t want you to become like that. I want you to be happy, to be smiling brightly. I want you to live.”

 

 

Yuchan felt scared. He couldn’t open his eyes, he doesn't want to see Junhee smiling at him in such a sincere way that he might cry the moment he open his eyes. He can’t help but close his eyes and stay in the darkness, numbing everything rather than letting it all out. He’s still afraid. A world without Junhee is just like this. Dark, cold and scary. Just like a night sky without the stars and moon.

 

“Yuchan. You’re trembling. Please calm down,” Junhee said, looking at the younger male with a worried expression.

“I-I can’t..” Yuchan said as he kept on whimpering “I’m scared..”

“You can do it, Chanie.” Junhee stated as he held Yuchan’s right hand, “Whatever you’re facing right now.. you can really do it.”

“I’m scared of seeing you being nice to me. After all of the things that I’ve done to you..” Yuchan said as he kept on trembling.

“Silly kid.” Junhee sighed before letting go of his hand and hair then held the younger male’s face gently “Open your eyes, Yuchan.”

“I don’t want to..” Yuchan shook his head.

“But you won’t be able to see the light if you didn’t, it’s better to see it than get stucked in a place filled with darkness.” Junhee said.

“But..” Yuchan is someone that can be convinced easily, especially with someone like Junhee. And it feels weird, as if Junhee's words can make his and Junhee's heart beat a little faster than it usually does.

“Come on, Yuchan. It’s fine. It’s alright to be scared as long as you’re certain that you’re willing to face it..” Junhee stated.

 

 

Little by little, he opened his eyes and the first thing that he saw is Junhee grinning at him, as if he’s proud of what Yuchan did before planting a kiss on Yuchan’s forehead.

 

“You did well, sunshine.” Junhee caressed his face before letting it go, which made Yuchan a bit sad, yearning for the pinky violet-haired male’s touch.

“Junhee-hyung.. you’re too nice,” Yuchan muttered as he can’t help but let the tears out, seeing Junhee like this triggered all of the emotions he had been keeping for himself.

“Hush, sweetheart. Just cry until you can’t..” Junhee said before climbing into Yuchan’s bed and embracing him.

“This is weird.. I can feel your touch yet you don’t have a physical body at all.. this is weird..” Yuchan mutters while sobbing “But I like this. I want to be cradled like this..”

 

 

This is really weird. Is there a scientific explanation why Junhee seems to have a physical body of his own even though he doesn’t have one anymore? But then again, Yuchan is in a hospital. A place filled with wonderful and horrifying stuff. A place where emotions are too powerful, lurking in every single corner of the building. And this is like Junhee’s home, a place where he grew up and also the place where he left with a smile—a satisfied one despite living while suffering.

 

Yet Junhee’s hums seems to make him drowsy until he can feel that he was cradled by Hypnos, he wasn’t sure but he probably smiled as he can hear something along with’s Junhee's humming—a faint heartbeat, if he would focus on it too much.

 

 

\-------

 

AS YUCHAN opened his eyes once again, he saw Junhee’s face above which seems to be smiling so dearly at him and he couldn’t help but wonder if this is a dream—if it wasn’t for the fact that he slept on Junhee’s lap and he can feel it.

 

 

“Good Afternoon, sunshine.” Junhee said as he tucked some of Yuchan’s hair to his ear “You took a bit of time sleeping, the crying made you emotionally and mentally tired.”

“I see.” Yuchan muttered, blinking a few times as he adjusted himself to the brightness.

“Junyoung went here a while ago to bring your breakfast but he saw that you’re asleep so he left it in the table. It would be good if you’ll eat now, you must’ve been hungry.” Junhee said while patting Yuchan’s hair.

Yuchan groaned and wrapped his arms around Junhee’s waist, “Later. I want to stay like this for a little longer.”

“Yuchan. You have to eat now,” Junhee said in a tone as if he was about to scold the younger male.

“Just give me a few more minutes, hyung..” Yuchan muttered before he pulled Junhee and wrapped his legs around the older male.

“You sly brat..” Junhee sighed and Yuchan saw a smile on him so he smiled back.

“I missed doing this, Junhee hyung.” Yuchan said and snuggled closer to him, “I miss embracing you until I can fall asleep. I miss everything that we did.”

“It’s alright, Yuchan. But it’s probably better if you would move on about me, I really want the best things for you,” Junhee stated, caressing the younger male’s face as he kept a smile.

“No, I won’t. You're an important part of my life and now, you’re also a part of me. Something that would be never be replaced by anything, something that will stay with me until the end.” Yuchan said as he grinned, “Sorry not sorry, Junhee-hyung. But I won’t move on with your death but with my life, I’ll probably continue it but with the thought that you’re always with me.”

Junhee widened his eyes, the way Yuchan grins at him seems to be confident and he can’t help but be astonished on what just happened “R-Really?”

“Well, yes. But maybe it’s my way of coping up? Still thinking that you’re always with me,that is.” Yuchan replies.

 

 

 

Junhee just smiled as he embraced the younger male, he had been wanting to do this ever since he died. He can’t help but thank all of the gods for letting him have a chance to do this again, to embrace this male once again. Ever since Yuchan opened his eyes and their eyes met, he felt like he was melting from too much emotions—it’s probably him and Yuchan’s emotions getting mixed up and his heart want him to feel that.

 

He would be lying if he wasn’t disappointed when Yuchan said that he can’t remember him, he wasn’t expecting it to be like that. But it couldn’t be helped, fate is probably playing with both of them but he knew.. that it will be destined for them to reunite along with the emotions that had been buried deep down. And just checking Yuchan if he’s alright and talking to him is already enough, he was already thankful of the things that is granted to him. He doesn’t know why but maybe the gods pitied him and decided to give him a chance or is it is raging emotions of not leaving until he is assured that Yuchan’s alright? He’ll never know why but one thing’s for sure, he just wanted to see Yuchan’s eyes shining like before—not like this pessimistic kid that is in front of him.

 

It’s quite funny to see how the tables had been turned because Junhee used to be like Yuchan before and Yuchan was usually the one that kept on cheering him up, maybe this is his own payback to the younger male. 

 

 

“Yuchan, are you mad at me?” he asked.

“Why would I be mad at you?” Yuchan asked back.

“I left without saying goodbye.”

Yuchan shook his head, “It can’t be helped, right? That situation can’t give you the chance to say goodbye to me at all.”

“But this time, I’ll be able to say that!” Junhee exclaims, “But not now, it’s tomorrow.”

“Oh..” Yuchan felt a bit disappointed, “So this is the last time,huh?”

“We can’t ask for anything too much, this is already too much to wish for and I’m really thankful of holding you again in my arms, of caressing your face as I trace it, feeling the fluffiness of your hair and also, talking to you once again..” Junhee’s eyes crinkled as he smiled, “I’m already thankful of this.”

“It’s not like I’m complaining, Junhee-hyung. But I’ll miss this..” Yuchan sighed as he held Junhee’s face with both of his hands, “C-Can I kiss you, hyung?”

“Huh?” Junhee blinked.

Yuchan felt the heat rising up on his cheeks as his hands started to tremble, “Y-You know what I mean, hyung!”

“A kiss, hmm?” Junhee smirked as he stare at Yuchan, “You’re blushing too much. How cute.”

“Hyung!” Yuchan whined as he tried to keep his composure.

“Yuchan is too cute.” Junhee giggled and Yuchan gasped when Junhee placed his hands on top of his own hands, reassuring him “Of course, you can.”

“O-Okay.. here goes..” Yuchan took a deep breath before leaning in, locking his lips with Junhee’s

 

 

 

He can feel the warmth as if Junhee's alive, Yuchan can't help but kiss the older male in such a passionate way while engraving the way Junhee's lips move in sync with him on his mind. He can feel his own emotions burst by just kissing Junhee and tears started to fall from his eyes again. As he pulled away, Junhee looked worried as he saw the younger male's tears.

 

“Yuchan..”

“Don’t worry, hyung. I wasn’t sad, I’m just.. happy. Really happy..” Yuchan said as he laughed while trying to stop his tears, “I'm so happy that I couldn’t stop crying. This is so weird.”

“Then let it be, sunshine.” Junhee said, chuckling at the younger male’s weird antics.

“I’m gonna miss you so much, hyung.” Yuchan said while entwining both of their hands.

“Likewise,” Junhee replied “Don’t worry, you won’t be alone. You’ll be having a lot of people, Donghun and the others wouldn’t let you down.”

“I know. And Byeongkwan will probably drag me in a lot of places to distract me, Sehyoon hyung will make sure to keep an eye on me.” Yuchan said, “And Yoon along with Yebin, they’re going to help me on starting over again. I’ll be visiting Yebin’s bestfriend once that I recover and Gwangsuk hyung is kind of reliable. He promised to visit me and will be going to the art conventions that I participated in to check if my works.”

“See? You have a lot of people to help you, don't reject them.” Junhee said as he squeezed Yuchan’s hands “Love, don’t reject them. Let them help you as you help them.”

“I know, hyung.” Yuchan smiles.

“For you to be able to have that way of thinking, I am so delighted and proud of you. Chanie, you’re becoming a better person that you are.” Junhee said as he kissed Yuchan’s left cheek, “You know what? I want to open up about this.”

“About what?” Yuchan asked.

“About my last moments.” Junhee replied as he kept on staring in Yuchan’s face, “It hurts. Saying farewell to everyone does and I was so afraid, Yuchan. As I entered the operating room, my heart kept on pounding really fast and my hands kept on trembling. I was so afraid but you know what made me relaxed? It was the thought of you graduating, smiling so wide and bright as you're one step away from your dreams. The thought of you having a wonderful future chased the fear away and it made me think like it’s better in this way. At least, you won’t be suffering with me. I could, at least, save you with this heart of mine.”

“Hyung..” Yuchan wanted to say sorry but it’s not the right words so he halted before smiling at the older male again “Thank you.”

The words caught Junhee off-guard, “Oh.”

“Thank you for everything,” Yuchan said, “You’ve done a lot of things for me and it would take us a long time for me to finish saying all of it but I just want you to know how thankful I am for you and your existence. Thank you for being born and for being a part of my life, hyung.”

“You're such a sweetheart.” Junhee replies, giggling before leaning in to kiss Yuchan’s lips and when he pulled away, a contented smile was seen on his face “You’re welcome, sunshine.”

 

 

 

Both of them kept on looking at each other, not until Junhee stood as he dragged Yuchan to the table for him to eat his breakfast. It was already noon and Yebin or Junyoung will probably barge in to give him his lunch and he’ll be in deep trouble if he wouldn’t finish this up soon. As Yuchan finished his breakfast, that was the exact time that Junyoung barged in and brought him his lunch.

 

 

“Hello Junyoung-hyung,” Yuchan said.

“Hi. It seems like you’re doing well now,” Junyoung said, “Too bad. This is going to be your last day, even Byungcha—I mean, Chan is sad about it and said that he’s gonna miss you.”

“Don’t worry, hyung. I’ll visit when I have some spare time.” Yuchan assured him.

“Are you ready for tomorrow? And.. are you going to visit him?” Junyoung asked.

Yuchan nodded, “Of course. I bet that Junhee hyung missed me.”

“Of course, he does. You know that he's fond of you!” Junyoung laughs, “Just imagine him smiling too wide on the moment that he sees you!”

Yuchan laughed along with Junyoung, “You're right about that. You know that Junhee hyung loves me so much.”

“Indeed.” Junyoung agreed, “I would really like to have a longer chat with you but I have to check the other patients now.”

“Then let’s hang out on your rest-day.” Yuchan recommended.

“That's a great idea. I’ll send my phone number and Line account on your e-mail, it’s written in your data anyway.” Junyoung said and tapped Yuchan's shoulder “Having you around had been a wild ride, Yuchan. Let’s meet again soon.”

Yuchan nodded and as Junyoung left the room, the younger male looked at Junhee “He can’t see you?”

“You’re the only one that can see me, sunshine.” Junhee said.

“Oh.”

“It's been a month, right?” Junhee asked, “I cherished every single day that I was able to be at your side.”

“It's been a tough month but I don’t regret anything at all, all of the things that happened to me made me a better person. It made me realize my mistakes and also made me stronger than before.” Yuchan said as he smiled.

“So, you’re leaving tomorrow?” Junhee asked again.

“Yes.” Yuchan looked around, “I'll be missing this place.”

“Are you ready to chase me?” Junhee asked and Yuchan looked at him, “Remember what I said to you when you suddenly woke up after your operation? About the chasing stuff?”

Yuchan nods, “Yes, I do.”

“Then are you willing to chase me out of this? So both of us can be free?” Junhee asked.

Yuchan held both of his hands as he entwined them, smiling at Junhee as he nodded “Yes, Junhee-hyung.”

“Then it’s settled,” Junhee stated “Everything will end tomorrow.”

“And a new beginning will start.” Yuchan added.

“Of course!” Junhee said as he hugged Yuchan.

“But let's enjoy our last day together, hyung.” Yuchan said as he grinned, “I love you, Junhee-hyung!”

 

 

Junhee was about to reply when Yuchan immediately kissed him and Junhee couldn’t help but respond. He'll spoil the younger male for this day, they deserve this. Well, they deserve something more but just being able to be with each other for the last time is already enough. And for Yuchan, he is afraid and sad. But he’s very happy right now, he knew that Junhee will be gone tomorrow but that’s for their sake, people that died can’t come back. But their memories will remain on their loved ones’ heart and mind.

 

And tomorrow, the second day of June, is the time that Yuchan will chase Junhee away on this hospital—away from the binding chains of emotion to set them free. To let them start over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chap will be the last chap and hey, after this.. i'll be posting updates on my dongjun fic ^^


	25. --

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry

_**this fic is currently on-hold. or worse, discontinued.** _

 

 

_sorry. i couldn’t write for a.c.e that much nowadays. and the fact that i.. don’t know why but my feels for a.c.e disappeared and i’m trying to stan them again but i couldn’t.._

 

 

_i need time and i know that i’ll love these precious boys once again but not now._


End file.
